Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello everyone, it's me with a question again.
I find professional relationships very hard. The main reason is because I feel that they seem so fake to me.
Small talks? People who don't really know me or care about how I feel nor have time to hear my real answer still ask me "how are you today?", "How was your weekend?".
Lunches and team activities?. People whom I don't know but I can't actually get to know or ask personal questions because we are just colleagues and not friends. Still it's expected to find something to talk about for more than an hour?!. Most topics in that setting don't interest me and seem superficial.
Team work? Ok, that one is easier because we actually talk about work and it fits our relationship description "colleagues" and it doesn't seem like a superficial talk, but they confuse me at times when they change their opinions about the same thing or it comes across as if they want to push their views and opinions over others. I become very unmotivated to share my view because I know that most probably eventually it won't be applied anyway and it's just waste of my power and energy.
Sometimes I say things that cause their face expressions to suddenly dramatically change. I spend hours trying to figure out where the misunderstanding was. In one occasion they were talking about an awful accident and I found something about it funny and I started laughing and everyone looked at me as if I'm a psychopath. I'm actually hypersensitive and have overwhelming high empathy.
The style of talking as using formal sentences and professional words to sound smart and so on. Dressing in an office suitable manner which is so damn superficial because it serves no real cause other than sounding and looking in a certain way even if it doesn't reflect your true self in anyway. I can't present myself as a professional. I can present myself as Ree...
How do you manage professional relationships? Any tips on how you make it true to yourself and not exhausting while thriving in professional relationships?
Bravery isn't feeling no fear, bravery is being terrified and doing it anyway. To me, you're brave - even if you don't feel it. When do you think you will hear back from her?
... i don't feel brave .... terrified is a better description.
Me too. I'm in quite a lucky situation where my manager is also neurodivergent so they have a really good understanding. Them and my senior manager were supportive when I discussed my situation with them. I'm considering disclosing to my regular colleagues and office sharers once I have a diagnosis.
No matter how things go with your colleague, your openness is very brave, in my opinion. You're doing everything you seem to be able to, in order to make things better
Thanks. this is really new territory for me.
I hope your colleague responds well, best of luck. Please do update us if you feel comfortable doing so.
Well, I have message my colleague to ask if we can chat about my autism and what it means. fingers crossed. I made sure to say I have no problem if she says no to talking about it, so we shall see I suppose.
I agree. I'm rarely as happy as when I'm sharing my hobbies and interests with others who share them and generally not acting my age. Alas there comes a point where at best others tend to view you as a man child and at worst as some sort of weirdo, 'creep.'
Like why else would you possibly be hanging around in a club where almost everyone is half your age. (so they say) Couldn't possibly just because you are mega passionate about the hobby and find it hard to make connections with people you don't share interests with.
I deserve it. I am a weak willed and a weak minded little worm. I should be punished.
I'm gonna report that!
Prolific ! Not too bad, I think. Busy - very busy - not always focused on the right things at the right times....talking of which........laters.....
HI Number!
I try to. Mostly on Fridays. How are you?
......and quite wise for the village _____.
[disambiguation - truth is always funny]
You are a very nice person.
[Disambiguation - in my opinion]
Welcome back Allfunk....I'd missed u popping up.
Worst times I've had are when I've mean expected to lie or coerce people in to something. Particularly when I know it's something that's just unworkable, unenforceable or stupid. I've felt so bad afterwards. Totally broken. Like trying to force people back into the office without a valid reason. Or being expected to throw my weight around with people just to prove I can and not for any other purpose. That's when I truly hate my job as supervisor.
Find yourself a job where the manager has high expectations and values integrity. The work speaks for itself rather than how social you are. People who are not this way don't last long there. And anyone who does, I've learned just because they aren't very good at their job, it doesn't make them a bad person. Team meetings etc....the onus isn't always on you for small talk. Accept that having a job means ever so slightly selling yourself out in terms of "playing the game" etc but this gives you money to hopefully enjoy life. Accept that faux pas happen and it isn't the end of the world.
Catlover said:We all know that people don’t really want to know how you are when they say how are you.
No but when I ask them, I get chapter and verse.
You know what, I speak to everyone the same. Maybe it’s in ASD thing, or it’s just how I am. I am courteous and expect people to be the same. We all know that people don’t really want to know how you are when they say how are you. If it’s a friend or family member, I’ll probably tell them exactly how I am. If it’s a person I don’t know at that level, I’m fine will do. I’m not telling them my business. As for small talk, yes sometimes I do it, and sometimes I like it. It depends on the person and the situation, but in general yes, it’s pointless. There are different types, and If I’m being specific, small talk for the sake of talking is pointless.
To take the money there are weird behaviours you have to take part in to
Over the years I've learned to fake it too. Well not fake exactly. I've just learned that they are like cats and small talk is like giving them a bit of chicken, back scratches etc. to make them more amenable. They don't care if you are not interested. They just want you to do it. If you really aren't interested, just work out the responses they're expecting. It takes a while and doesn't feel good at all, which is why I think of them as cats.
In the past I think I said things that got me the reputation of being 'weird', 'mad, but a nice mad', or even 'a daft cow' so I keep them all at arms length. My job is to get the work done. But to get the money there are some weird behaviors you have to take part in to make them feel better.