How do you manage professional relationships?

Hi Ree this is a really good question and a really hard one to answer. For me, it has really varied depending on my team and workplace. 

In my fist 'real'job I had clashes with collegues a fair amount because I didn't understand the social rules. They also weren't nice people and the job wasn't suited to me so I don't think there's much that could have been done in such a situation.

Different jobs and teams allow for different levels of authenticity and self-expression. A very corporate London environment can be quite draining even for neurotypicals.

I work at a University and, although there is work to be done still, neurodivergence is more understood and listened to here than when I worked in healthcare (weirdly). We even have a team who I think are well known as more members than not having some form of neurodivergence. I have been very lucky in that my managers have been very supportive and happy to make adjustments (without a diagnosis). I'll be talking to my wider team about things as well once I have a diagnosis and can talk about things verbally without such a visceral emotional reaction and will report back. I have line management responsibilities so I hope by talking about my neurodivergence at work it will help make a more inclusive workplace for others.

So, tangent aside, it might be worth considering If your current job is the ideal one for you. If you're in the wrong environment you may not be able to express youself because of the culture and that's reflective of the job not you.

From my experience I changed my perspective on what I expected people to be like. Managing my expectations and the fallout if they don't happen is a whole big thing for me but that's another story. Anyway, I initially expected people to understand me, see my point of view, and act in ways I was comfortable with. I now understand differences more and have lowered my expectations for easy communication.

I didn't used to appreciate small talk but now I can appreciate the value that other people place in it and I quite like how someone smiles when I ask how they are or when I say some 'funny' stock response relating to the weather. I understand that this builds rapport for some neurotypicals and somewhere down the line I have transitioned from worrying about what to say and how (and WHY) to enjoying this part of my job. 

In terms of teamwork, I tend to take the role of organiser. People changing their minds drives me crazy too. I usually write summaries of what was agreed and circulate so that there is a trail to refer back to and people have a shared understanding. Where possible I draw up this list in front of people (word document on screen share using video conferencing software or on a whiteboard for example). This also gives me a place to naturally insert my thoughts " OK, so it seems like some people think X. Before I write it down, what about the effects of Y?". Teamworking can be stressful though especially if your colleges are not considerate in those cases maybe a different job with more independent working would relieve some pressure on yourself.

I hope this helps a little bit. Happy to talk more!

Actually, the main reason why I don't want to work in Academia is not really about magnifying ones knowledge and being socially skilled. It's about the relationship itself and how professional it is expected to be. For me professional equals fake. Because of it, I can't just wear my favourite sweater every single day and hang around in conferences in sneakers or talk just authentically without using sophisticated elegant words and the hardest part, when I feel pressured to not ask many questions while having a conversation that seem "obvious" or "stupid", I'm expected to be smart but actually there are plenty of things in their conversations that are vague and unclear to me that I just nod to. personally am just unable to be formal or rigid. I prefer to be me and that's not professional. That's not fake. In that environment, you get the respect based on your publications and prestige not by being social. The prestige thing feels like one more fake part of it. People research what is going to guarantee them lot of citings and not always what actually needs to be researched. Neurodivergents are an example of it or genders other than men, women or minorities in general. Their issues just don't get as much attention. Research is another place where money rules. If it's not a popular research problem, they don't invest in it much. I wondered for so long why the world feels so fake to me.. I still respect academic world for not respecting loudness or inflated self-confidence but respecting results and effort.

Oh yes, I was put off by academia for similar reasons. The academic culture is toxic. I work in behind the scenes administration which is surprisingly relaxed in comparison. At least in my role, things seem much more authentic.

It is quite weird that people accept reality....but don't want to hear you make utterances about that same reality.  "The truth hurts" is one of those phrases that confounds my brain.

Thank you :) I was offered to do a PhD by two people when I was studying and people generally found it baffling that I stopped pursuing that career, some were even offended that I was turning my back on it. It's a strange world and one I'm glad I'm not a part of

Thank you :) I was offered to do a PhD by two people when I was studying and people generally found it baffling that I stopped pursuing that career, some were even offended that I was turning my back on it. It's a strange world and one I'm glad I'm not a part of