Published on 12, July, 2020
For me it's various things, some of which are (in no particular order):
Quietude in myself, quiet in my surroundings
Being alone or being with people I care about (preferably one at a time)
Being with animals and insects, especially studying how they spend their days
Being at home, in my bedroom, reading a novel
Being in nature away from the noise made by people
Watching a bird flying high in the sky, especially a raptor
Looking at the moon
Being creative
I was obsessed with an Atlas I got, in 1988, as a boy.
I actually read maths books in bed.
Attack of the Grey Lantern, by Mansun; Picture Disc reissue from last year.
Wot u listening to, Desmond?
Haha I love bees from a safe distance! The ones that fly over my garden seem to have a precise right angle flight path so we do seem to have an ent ante cordial now. Though occasionally one smacks hard into the glass of my window and I suddenly feel like I’m in a shark proof cage. Though if there was one day a hole punched in the glass and a blitz attack I wouldn’t be too surprised
Listening to LPs, like now.
Peace and quiet
Planting seeds then nurturing the plants as they grow
This evening especially playing my full moon Tibetan singing bowl
Listening to music in my candle lit living room
When it’s quiet. Sitting outside and only being able to hear the birds calling to each other or flittering past me to the pond or feeders. Watching and hearing the bees (sorry Shardovan!) as they check every single flower on one shrub. Noticing a fleck of red on the ground and realising it’s a ladybird trying to navigate its way through the maze of green grass. Recognising the whistle like sound of a red kite and looking up to see it soaring in a wide circle above me, then realising the smaller birds have all become silent and nowhere to be seen. Standing completely still at my window while the pair of blue *** investigate the bird box I put up a month ago, for the third time that day. Sitting outside in the evening with a fire crackling away and looking up at the stars, remembering just how small and insignificant we all really are.
Then I’ll hear my neighbours and it’ll all be ruined
Sertraline.
I'm half joking. Doctor put me on antidepressants a few weeks ago, and honestly I had no idea this was how good regular people feel. I hadn't realised how low I was feeling until suddenly I wasn't, and I could laugh again. There ate still things that worry me, but the anxiety is no longer overwhelming.
And I'm now also on iron tablets so I have much more energy.
My bed is my safe, comfy place. My wife and kids fill me up with love. Our pet rats are adorable, too. Shiny things. Human kindness.
All of the things you mention are things that are good about being alive. Ecstatic happiness is something i rarely experience. I'm just too troubled and isolated.
Beautiful. I can identify with all of those. Happiness is probably a mugs game but just now and again I can still momentarily go there. Just for a second. Contentment used to be so easy for me, despite my anxiety- I just needed the right conditions- simple, serene. Now, I’m fairly certain I’ll never have that again. Not while at least one bridge remains not even tentatively mended. But I can become becalmed in the right conditions. Mostly. For a while. A hot mug of tea and a podcast. Silence and a good book. Suspension of thought as I hear nothing but the clock tick as I watch a bird fly over my garden or alight on the apple tree. Learning, with patience (with my low skill level it’s needed) a new piano piece and then maintaining it.
I visited a friend today in hospital. One hour twenty of chatting about the silly and the serious and we found the one to one simplicity of that to our mutual benefit. I’ll go again on Monday. I felt something sit still in me while I was there. Maybe a feeling like ‘this is enough’.