What does the forum mean to you?

Well when considering that autists make up 2% of the population, youre 50 times less likely to find us irl, but we are there and you will likely be in the real world much-more frequently, so I’d your odds aren’t that bad..

I second Numbers comments. You are missed when you are absent from this humble abode of ours. It's good to see you back

Thank you 

Welcome to the community, Fen .

firemonkey said:

It's hard to feel that I fit in , given the number of very high functioning people who post here.

I'm not a fan of functioning labels at all. Our ability to function depends on so many variables, such as the sensory environment and method of communication. 

I agree with Nata that it can appear very different online to out there in the real world. I have a massive mismatch between my poor verbal functioning and my level of written communication. That mismatch was highlighted and commented on during my autism assessment.

Please do continue to post. If someone stops posting because they feel they do not fit in then that becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. The forum would become a much less diverse and inclusive place if some members of the autistic community did not feel able to contribute. Many of us have gone through life never fitting in anywhere and it's so important that spaces such as this exist.

firemonkey said:

There's a phrase I often use, that being 'adaptive functioning'.  Using simpler words you could call it 'practical-daily living skills'. I don't know about anyone else here, but it's always been something I've struggled with. The vast majority of people, including,sadly, many (mental) health professionals, are totally clueless that you can be intelligent yet struggle with those daily living skills. I'm very open  about my significantly large adaptive functioning < IQ gap,but I've come across very few other autistic people who'll readily admit 'Yes, that's me too!'.

That's interesting. I've never heard of 'adaptive functioning' before. I googled it and found this relevant article.

https://www.spectrumnews.org/opinion/viewpoint/intelligence-scores-not-predict-success-autistic-adults/

I think I am one of those people who would say yes, that's me too.

Thank you Goosey......but remember that communication is a two-way street....it only works when the transmitter and receiver are tuned to the same frequency and equally adept.....so it's not so much my ability to explain things, but the fact that you operate at a similar frequency.  If you said the same things in your own words, I fully expect me to understand you just as well......but thank you nonetheless.

Just so you know....you are missed when you are absent.  In my early days in this place, you were an important help to me...but you would never have known that.

With neurokin love,

Number.

I would like to reinforce the warning from Autonomistic.  Be careful Goosey!

I have an excuse for 50+ years of masking (almost) all of the time.....I had absolutely no idea I was doing it, and presumed everyone operated that way.

I had a mega-burnout.....that very nearly finished me!

Please take care, and if at all possible, I suggest (or dare I say it?....) ADVISE you to start turning your supertanker brain around at the earliest opportunity....gently, but purposefully.

Number said:

I now understand that my apparent ease of getting on with people is merely a very proficient masking ability.  It is a blessing and curse in equal measure.  It's fabulous in the short term, but horrendously confusing to me AND everyone else in the medium to long term.  It is also EXHAUSTING.....but I hadn't realised that.

This is exactly what I've found. You explain things so well. You're able to put in to words what I often find I can't...

I'm glad you understand yourself better now and I hope you don't feel the need to mask as much as you once did.

I'm glad you're able to post again ^^

Welcome back!

The spam filter has meltdowns sometimes I think :p 

Well Mr Firemonkey, I'll leave it to your discretion whether the following gives me the right to say "Yes, that's me too." I think I have a reason shot?

My problem (to a large extent, I think) has been that I can be all things to all men/women.....for whatever duration is required.  BUT, I now realise how utterly frigging exhausting this is for me.

I have learned how to appropriately converse (and behave) around all manner of folk - very effectively and very convincingly.  They seem able to connect with me because I can readily select the appropriate entity to be for them.

Accordingly, for most of my life, I have had absolutely no clue where I REALLY fitted in.  I now know, the answer is - nowhere, IRL.

For a good number of years, I increasingly became concerned that I was some sort of sociopath/bad'un.....although my intent is NEVER malicious....I just wanted to find "my people" and/or be accepted and liked by whomever I found myself with.....in the hope that I would then "settle" within that persona.

I now understand that my apparent ease of getting on with people is merely a very proficient masking ability.  It is a blessing and curse in equal measure.  It's fabulous in the short term, but horrendously confusing to me AND everyone else in the medium to long term.  It is also EXHAUSTING.....but I hadn't realised that.

Thankfully, I have been able to encounter a few (VERY few) humans who seem able to see through all the masking.  These people are my angels.  They have kept me (only just) on the right side of the sanity line.....and kept me safe from myself.  I'm also certain that some angels inhabit this place!

Moreover, and more profoundly important to me, is the fact that animals totally seem to get me - and i, them.  In my darkest hours, animals have saved my sanity and given me the accepting and honest company that I have always craved.

These days, since my blinding flash of realisation of ASD, I find myself more relaxed and resigned to my fate.  I have allowed myself to explore my weirdness - and blimey, am I frigging weird!  Killing my excessive booze intake (to zero) has allowed me to explore myself honestly.  I'm not so bad....just so weird.

Anyway....enough of me mate....and back to what I said of you earlier.  You, sir, are "my kind of people"....I only open up like this when someone hits the spot!

Warmest best wishes

Number.

I know I've tried so hard to explain and show them but they either don't believe me or choose not to try to understand.

I'm hoping in the end they will come round and understand.

I'm just glad I've got this place with all you amazing people. Thanks for all your support. I appreciate it all and am eternally grateful.

I’m so sorry you always feel the need to mask, that must take such a big toll. I’m so glad you find this forum helpful and know we are always here. 

This forum is my only means of connection with the outside world and to other autistic people. Even that is too much at times and I tend to go through phases of just reading and not posting anything. However I am immensely grateful that it is there and that myself and others are not alone in our struggles in this cruel world.

I've been unable to post anything for the past couple of days, due to getting on the wrong side of our resident spam fighting bot. My reaction to that enforced disconnect was much more negative than I could have anticipated. Sometimes we only realise how important something is when it isn't available. Thankfully I'm able to post again today  

In the real world I've got to mask all the time. Even around my own family because they don't believe in autism.

That's so sad. How are your family ever going to be convinced if you don't show them what being autistic looks like.

Masking is bad for your mental health and will eventually lead to burnout. Take care of yourself.

^ exactly this.

In the real world I've got to mask all the time. Even around my own family because they don't believe in autism.

Here I can be myself. I don't have to mask. I really love being here, it's great being able to get to know everyone and enjoy the forum chat and games.

I'm so glad I found it.

I'm very much enjoying having conversations with people here, in the outside world I avoid social contact if I possibly can. 

Also being - dare I say it - spontaneously myself, which I never can be in the outside world, it's masking 24/7. 

I can't quite believe the opportunity to connect here. I've lived my life without it for so long. 

It's something very special

Good to hear. This forum is the best resource out there for autistic people

I've encountered a lot of judgemental people who didn't take the time to understand me.

I'm much happier away from those people. Since joining the forum I am far happier and feel understood.

Yeah, exactly. There's a lot of people who judge you for who you are but IMHO you shouldn't worry about people like that.