Published on 12, July, 2020
Thanks to Number in another thread (root beer) I've been thinking of the many things I've just 'not got' and done wrong.
Usually the clue that I'm not 'getting it' is the look of wonder on the faces of other people.
I'm suspecting now this may be autism related.
There are countless examples during my life but here a few.
McDonalds: I don't really understand McDonalds and I don't spend time in them without another person.
My mum used to like them so I'd take her there for lunch sometimes.
One of the 1st times she asked me to collect a menu for her and some cutlery.
I couldn't understand why these weren't on the table.
So, I went to the counter and asked for these things.
After this initial trauma, I then had the trauma of trying to understand what you are supposed to eat off of and with.
Doh.
McDonalds is a particular thing with me I think.
I was with my autistic friend on our way back from visiting his mother and we went to a McD.
He asked me to get him a 'root beer'.
So, I asked for such at the counter only to be asked what that is.
I said 'I don't know' so no root beer was presented to my friend.
Another prime example is going to a spa and swimming baths in a hotel.
I'm not a swimmer or a spa goer.
So, the 1st thing I did was put my make-up on before going there.
Then, I couldn't understand how the lockers worked and had to get assistance.
Then, I eventually found the toilets but couldn't find my way back to the swimming pool so I walked through reception soaking wet in my swimming costume.
I was also in a church once when a service began and loads of people sat around me.
I had gone in there because I was in a strange city and cold and was using the church as a refuge.
I thought I could just sit there whilst the service took place.
I hadn't anticipated communion and although I'm not a Catholic or a church goer, and although I didn't understand what I was doing, I felt obliged to follow everyone up and take communion.
There are so many examples I won't continue.
Is it just me or are there other people here who just don't 'get it?'.
There are some things I just 'don't get' too, so you're not alone.
I feel the following is a poor example, as it's more to do with a complete lack of thought and consideration on my part.
Many years ago my dad phoned me one evening to tell me that he had been involved in a car accident. My dad was rarely one to make a fuss (unless he had a cold), so when I asked him if was OK and he told me that he was, I took his word for it. My mother had been staying with my grandmother at the time, and it never occurred to me to consider that maybe I should pop around to check that he really was OK, and if he needed anything.
I remember that my mother (who is possibly also autistic) felt incredibly angry with me for not visiting my dad because in her words it should have been "common sense", especially as he had told me that his company car was a write-off. To be honest, it's a miracle that my dad didn't sustain any life-threatening injuries... Some idiot in a transit van had been speeding along a country lane and shot across a junction, straight into the driver's side of my dad's car. This resulted in the car skidding some distance and into a concrete lamp post.
Sparkly,
I think you did the right thing because by the sounds of it, your Dad wasn't one for wanting a fuss made. You respected his "I'm okay." which to me means "please don't make a fuss, I want to be left alone." Your Mum has her own views of what you should have done but perhaps he'd have preferred no one made a fuss.
It sounds like a horrible thing for him to go through and you did ask if he was okay. Perhaps your Mum was anxious about what happened and took it out on you without realising?
I'm glad your Dad was okay. Some people really shouldn't be given a license to drive!!!!
With the benefit of hindsight, I do actually think my mother was right Former Member. It is one of the few occasions when I think she can be forgiven for verbally lashing out at me.
My dad wasn't one to wear his heart on his sleeve and was from a generation where men in particular were expected to keep a stiff upper lip. When he phoned me, I don't think he had fully processed just how bad the accident had been. I now believe that the reason why he had phoned me was that he DID want me to pop around, just that he was too proud and stubborn to say.
That must have been hard for you realising afterwards. I hope it was all okay after talking it through.....
I try to be the strong, silent type; myself.