What defines your autism?

Thanks for that.   I find these occasional little "boosts" very supportive.  I know it is sad to admit most of my reminiscent thoughts really struggle with positivity. 

Hi, I always enjoy hearing about people with autism who can overcome life's challenges. You didn't come across as boastful to me. 

I am different and I know it, there was a girl I met outside some months ago and she instantly gave me the nickname of.. Sheldon, the way I dress and act is the reason she told me she thought that nickname worked for me.

I am meticulous at home or work in my tasks, I like routines and systems, I’m not spontaneous at all, if there’s a last minute change of plan, it makes me very uncomfortable and can at times make me upset bc I didn’t have time to plan / prepare. 

I like to observe nature and events around me, I prefer living in the country, when I go in the city, I feel overwhelmed, there’s so much happening, I could sit in a chair all day watching the crowd and some birds. I’m practical and logical and have used that to get me through life, my diagnosis for Asperger’s was very late, only 2 years ago, I’m 37 now. 

Simples! I wouldn’t have made the social mobility move from poverty to middle class (new money) if I wasn’t an aspie. Less than 0.5% manage where I’m from. If I wasn’t a fucking pita aspie it wouldn’t have happened. 

The fact my adult children now have options I never had makes me thankful I ain’t ‘normal’. All I can say to that accusation is ‘thank *** I’m aspie’ !!!

I value honesty when it's tactful but can be very hurtful when it's done without thinking about how it could make the receiver feel.

Oh course, everyone should be as kind and caring as possible when communicating with each other. The "go-to" reaction to 'honesty' seems to be a presumption that it is akin to 'cruelty.'  This is not how my head is wired.  I actively seek out honest straightforward advice and feedback from people regarding everything and anything, including their perception of me and my actions - good or bad or offensive, I don't mind - but I do CRAVE honesty.  I think I'm going a bit Billy Joel now?!

My "go-to" reaction to 'bitchiness/lying' is a presumption of 'cruelty' and/or social insecurity.  I don't like the duplicity.

NAS81486,

I value honesty when it's tactful but can be very hurtful when it's done without thinking about how it could make the receiver feel......  :-) Honesty is very important to me as I can't stand lying or bitchiness.  I think if you don't like someone, it's best to avoid them or not speak very much to them until they get the idea.  There's nothing worse than people being nice to your face then bad mouthing you behind your back.  I don't understand why people do this.  What's your take on bitchiness/lying?  Sometimes I don't tell someone something if I think it will hurt their feelings but if they ask me directly, I'll prepare them by saying "you might not like what I have to say..."

Good morning chap.  I do consider my ability to communicate with animals one of my super powers.  I much prefer the company of a dog to that of a human.  I prefer to meet a random horse or cow on a walk rather than a fellow human because I can understand the former species (and vise versa) more reliably and with greater reciprocal benefit in 9/10 cases.

Unlike you, irony poses no challenge to me......but decoding and APPROPRIATELY responding to interactive signals is, and always has been, a fraught issue for me.  I struggle with the fact that honesty and directness is invariably frowned up.

Perhaps I should move to the Big Apple (and yes, I'm being ironic!)

"What defines my autism?"

My inability to recognise irony --- a large part of British humour, my inability to take myself and life itself less seriously.  My inability to decode and respond to interactive signals. I struggle with empathy yet "ironically" am tuned into the wants and needs of my dog and with animals in general. I put that down to having developed my own people auto-filter if I detect rejection of any sort. (Very self-defeating)

Luftmentsch said:

I blog most days to try to process things.

same here

So do I

Luftmentsch,

I appreciate you explaining that all to me.  I often was confused when my G.P explained to me that not everyone had the self awareness that I do.  It's really good to know of your experience and because everyone is so honest on here, to learn how everyone here feels about life.

A lot of the time I'm not conscious of feeling much at all. If you asked me how I was, I would say I was fine, but really I would not be conscious of feeling anything. Strong negative emotions (depression, anxiety, loneliness) make their presence felt, although I think even then when I was younger I wasn't really aware of them. I would be bad-tempered or withdrawn and my parents would know something was wrong, but I wasn't really aware of what I was feeling. By this point, I've learnt to recognise those negative emotions, but it can be hard to unpack the details or why I'm feeling them. Positive emotions are even harder to notice or understand. It's a question of watching what I'm doing and trying to see if I'm behaving in a happy (etc.) way. I blog most days to try to process things.

I liked your telling. it reminded me of when I once soldered things with lots of legs, and if you get a rythym going it goes "just so"... It does feel rude to sidetrack a post, (although I try not to let it stop me!) but that got genuinely interesting.. 

Can anyone do me rainbow fleur-de-ly's on a gold background please? 

Lol. We could go on all day, but the rest of the thread might have tuned out by now - don't mind us guys, we're on a yarn trip.  Let me know if you want recommendations for the best pattern books - there's a toe-up one from Annie's Attic which has some great ones.

Dawn,

Don't do yourself down Dawn, I am fascinated and I also love the colour change and rhythm. It's like a physical version of poetry for me. :-)

Mine are super but you need the right yarn blend.  I found the stretch sock yarns best.  They generally have a little bit of soft wool for warmth - not enough to make me itch, mixed with super soft cotton so the feet breath, and a bit of elastane to make them stretch.  Crochet socks are harder to get precisely right in size as the stitches are less stretchy than knitting, but are easier to make in the round.  Once you have the perfect template, you can design all sorts of patterns and I do.  I also have a fascination with self phasing yarns though.  All those lovely rhythmic stitches whilst the colour gently shifts under your fingers - sensory heaven!

Oh dear! Am I Autie info dumping again?  I'll go admonish myself in a corner with a chant of "do not bore people who aren't as obsessed as you are with the crochet, Dawn"  LOL

This is a brilliant and fascinating thread - it makes you think.

From a practical perspective, my autism is defined by the legacy issues associated with the 50+ previous years of behaving in a way to cope with that unknown autism rather than taking care of myself and those around me.  I find myself under prepared and lacking.

From a spiritual perspective, my autism is defined by calm and potentiality.

Just realised another one: I mentioned earlier

🐝 Bees 🐝 (they/them) Autism resources in bio #stoptheshock #NothingAboutUsWithoutUs said:

I think it's a hyper sensitivity to the endorphin rush too because when I kiss my other half I get a tingly feeling at the back of my head, it feels like billions of shook up lemonade bubbles bouncing around under my skin, and I even go a little dizzy. We call it love drunk. XD

but also it's the inverse or opposite of alexithymia, my feelings dial is turned up to 11,  if I feel an emotion then I feel it "with knobs on", you get where I'm going with this I hope...
It's just sometimes the emotions are mixed together not just Joy and Sadness like in the Pixar film, but a whole kaleidoscope of interacting emotions and that's when it gets dificult to put into words (BUT I do recognise them by feeling, just not by label), even for me, which is really saying something because if I weren't so concerned with accesibility and easy reading this post would look like someone vomited several dictionaries and thersauri in here.
Someone asked me if something made me sad the other day and the answer was: I feel sad like I put the last of my small change into the vending machine and the snickers bar got stuck.

I was made redundant three consecutive times from fabrication/fitting positions when I decided to work for myself. I knew it would have to be a type of service work where I would not have to rely on a constant stream of high value supplies while remaining independent of human input to my service. I also needed to keep my practical skills level active. Enter, tree stump grinding. I bought my first second-hand diesel-powered stump grinder. Until my recent retirement last year---that's right, into my mid-seventies---this job had kept me going for 20+ years. I only write about this as a suggestion for you who has a similar skill level. It occurred to me my writing style is probably interpreted as being boastful.  That is not my wish, plan, design, or intention. It is merely a suggestion flavoured with some background details. I believe this kind of misunderstanding has been a critical hurdle in most of my past experiences. I try to be open to my own detriment as it is usually misinterpreted. I've hit many social barriers over many years and view this website as my "last chance saloon". 

Debbie,

The humour on this forum is brilliant.  I'm contemplating crocheting some socks as I crochet others things and wonder what socks would feel like. :-)