Published on 12, July, 2020
I thought others might be interested in sharing their experience of job interviews.
I am in the lucky position now of not having to work but I found it very hard in the past to get a job because I found the interviews so wholly traumatic.
In fact, the last years of my working life I worked for agencies because then I didn't need an interview.
Possibly the worst: I was being interviewed as a secretary for a Church of England Cathedral. I was asked 'what part do you believe that the Church of England plays in the lives of ordinary people today?'. My reply was that I feel it is irrelevant to the majority of people, who only really find it relevant at Easter, Christmas, Weddings and Funerals.
I knew immediately that although I spoke as I felt it was completely wrong and I should have lied. Their faces dropped and I think they would have liked me to leave the room immediately.
Now I understand why I spoke as I felt in the light of my autism diagnosis. I find saying what people expect/want me to say very difficult, despite many decades of 'masking'.
Job interviews (and jobs) are a huge test of a person's social skills and their ability to dissimulate, I think.
Does anyone else have a story to share?
I always found it a very tricky situation and had to mask for my life whenever I was interviewed. Unfortunately I didn't realise that I was masking or even that I was autistic, so I actually thought that this was something everyone did, at least to a degree. It sounded as though they went through something similar when they were getting their CVs together and planning answers to common interview questions (Where do you see yourself in 5 years time, what is your greatest weakness, what would you say your greatest accompishments have been, etc etc).But I did all of this and more. The preparation was horrendous and I even practiced my body language, making eye contact and using assertive statements. This all meant that I often only got the job by pretending to be someone else and that then, once I was in the role, I confused my employers by slipping back into extreme introversion. Sorry, employers, I couldn't help it because I needed to make a living and your ads (with their terms like "Self starter", "Shirt sleeves approach" and " team player") seemed to suggest that qualified individuals who were introverted need not apply. I got sick of being screened out because my personality didn't measure up to my qualifications!So yes, I'd absolutely agree. Interviews test social skills, ability to dissimulate and basically whether a person is good at interviews. I wish I'd felt I could have been more honest. I even mentioned my full, clean driving license with fake confidence and a smile, without mentioning that I was often plunged into a state of extreme panic at the thought of driving into an unknown or even just a busy area. And conveyed self assurance and experience when it came to presentations or speaking at large meetings, even though I was actually terrified and those experiences hadn't gone at all well (leading to self medication on some occasions).All very difficult and it may be different now with a proper diagnosis. I always felt I could only succeed by imagining "the right person for the job", fleshing out that person in my mind's eye, then stepping into that imaginary character for the duration of the interview. I'd been listening to a lot of Paul McKenna at one point and I actually thought this was what I had to do until I became comfortable with such situations. I was monumentally wrong. Again, though, in my defence, I feel as though they made me do it. My living depended on it. :(
That is very similar to my own experience. I was completely unable to speak at meetings or make presentations so although intelligent enough to follow a career, I always went for background jobs.
I blush easily too, even at 60!
As an aside with regard to presentations, in my 30s I applied to study for a part-time degree at my local university.
However, at a meeting to discuss the course, a tutor made it clear that there would be no exams, only presentations. He made this point as though it was a big advantage to students. I questioned this and he laughed and said mockingly 'well, you can take exams if you want'.
Everyone laughed at me but I would much rather take exams. I withdrew from the course.
Thanks to everyone for your replies.
I always found exams a lot easier than interviews or presentations. They were, after all, between me and a bit of paper rather than something which automatically invites the unsettling gaze, judgement and evaluation of others. But many (especially non autistic people) don't understand this and also seem to assume that everyone feels the same way. I'll be 60 next year and at university I remember being absolutely floored with nerves and anxiety. it ruined the experience for me and led to some very unsafe behaviours when I self medicated with alcohol. I didn't get the impression that anyone else understood and that made me feel even worse. I do hope that these days comments like that would be seen as ableist and discriminatory. And certainly, after my son's diagnosis, he was told that he could ask for accommodations at university, including help with other ways of meeting the course requirements - assignments or a pre-recorded presentation instead of standing there at the front dissolving into a state of utter panic and probably also having a massive lead-up to it with sleepless nights and waves of nerves coursing through your body.
I'm so sorry you went through that experience and had to withdraw. It just shouldn't happen.
Jenny Butterfly said:I'm so sorry you went through that experience and had to withdraw. It just shouldn't happen.
Thank you.