Published on 12, July, 2020
The older I get the more I notice a difference between me and my peers regarding my social skills, and the more they notice a difference in me too.
I feel like as everyone is getting older and maturing i'm just frozen in time. Forever trapped as a younger person stuck in the body of an adult, no matter what I do. `No matter how hard I mask.
I felt the first big jump when I was transitioning into my teenage years. I just wanted to mess about, play classical playground games, do what we used to do. But girls my age just wanted to sit around talking about boys. Everything was changing and it was nerve wracking.
I'm now turning 23 and I'm noticing the big jump again, except this time it's worse, harder. I don't know what to do to emulate my peers at all. They can just tell that I'm different.
I don't want to get pushed out, I want friends. A romantic relationship. I've been craving more structure relationship wise because of this, a relationship with rules. I've returned to religion, not because I'm necessarily a believer but because religious people tend to have well defined social rules that I can learn, follow, and as long as I stick to those rules I'm less likely to be socially ostracised.
I'm in a lot of distress. I don't know what to do. Everything is changing so fast, faster than I can keep up with.
Hi bebe,
I think auto and nas are correct. I would suggest you take your time finding youself. Its almost like coming out of the 'closet' and revealing your true self. In some ways, its really liberating knowing that, for me my 'weird' quirks, not wanting to be around people....struggling with small talk, wanting to sleep after stressful situations ect are fine....I dont beat myself up about it now. I know im not going to be the life and soul of the party or have loads of friends and great banter but....thats fine.
I like them only discovered my autism recently. I would have preferred to have know sooner, as what you say resonates with probably alot of people on here. My younger self obviously would have rejected such a suggestion i was 'autistic'. Hell no.....I was normal.....even though i struggled to find friends, love interests were exceptionally hard to find and maintain.....I got there though.
I self medicated to stave off the anxiety with alcohol, used alchohol/drugs to fit in with my peers. Just to fit in and be normal. It wasn't me though......but unfortunately.....I was different and neuro typicals know that instantly.
I find, now im older.....we are all different. People come and go in your life but......the right ones stick. I thought i was going to be on my own forever, i was for a long time but.....some people are worth the wait and they walk through when you least expect it.
Be kind and true to yourself and things will work out and most importantly......its ok to be different.