I don't want to be depressing, or negative. I'm lucky in life and fortunate in many ways. I regularly count my blessings. That said, for the last few days I've been tearful for no reason at all. Well, I say no reason, but the reason is that I'm sad, a little lonely and blue—so the tears rise up—but I don't know why I'm feeling sad. I loathe winter, the dark nights really affect me and thanks to the mess that covid has wreaked on society there is little chance of going abroad for sunshine. If they start bringing in new restrictions over winter, I'll be fucking furious. I'll be out on the streets protesting, chaining myself to the railings at parliament.
To make matters worse, I've just read an article which says autistic people are four times as likely to experience depression as their neurotypical peers (which if true is fucking unfair!). And even worse, researchers say despite numerous studies they still know very little about why this is the case, or how best to help autistic people with depression.
How can I be lonely when I'm happy to be as I on my own and whenever I mix with people I get exhausted and can't wait for them to go!? It's puzzling.
I definitely don't want any kind of romantic relationship right now (I never have).
So why do I feel so blue? It bugs me because people ask me how I am—and I tell them. I can't help it. And then I get sympathetic remarks, which is not why I told them. I told them because they asked. Then I feel guilty for bringing their mood down and wish I could just pretend. But I can't.
Thought and feelings about autism and depression? Have you suffered with depression in your life? Do you think it is linked to autism? Or something else? If NDs are more prone to depressive episodes why do you think it's that way?
As always, be kind to yourself and stay optimistic even in the face of sadness and loneliness.
