Fear

I seem to develop fear about so many things. Most of my fear comes from concern about what others think of me, colleagues or old friends, so I cut them out of my life to protect myself. This has meant I've been masking in social situations for 30 years and now I don't know how to be myself in the company of others. The biggest fear atm is the idea of a NT wedding, all the different people I know in one place with all the focus directed at me & partner. Do you feel the same? What would a ND friendly wedding consist of I wonder? How can I orchestrate an event I actually want to attend, because atm the groom would be a no-show.

Today I'm due to have my covid jab, so I am awake at 4am in fear of that experience. Worried I will be the one who gets really sick from it because I have IBD as well. Have you had yours yet?

Why am I so afraid of new experiences when I'm not sure if the outcome? It's torture.

  • Everything in ASD is based around the fight or flight response being permanently set to 100% - you are on input-overload all the time looking out for predators.   Super-stress!

    The other is anxiety caused by the above - so you are constantly searching for and formulating escape plans - just in case.    New experiences are a worry because you haven't gathered the escape data yet - too many risks.

    There are lots of ways of dealing with this - practice challenging yourself.- start small, build up as your comfort levels increase.   

    Weddings are particularly easy - you're going to meet lots of people you'll never see again so a small selection of really generic conversations can be prepared beforehand and epeated word for word every time - dead simple.

    I think an ASD wedding could be fun - have minimal people and get married on a train or dressed as LOTR characters or STNG.      Don't get stuck conforming to the NT expectations.

    IBD - I've had Ulcerative Pan-Colitis for over 20 years - I can *force* my body to behave for a day or so if I need to - 50mg Tramadol and 8mg Loperamide Instants at around 6am will shut my intestine down completely - the only side effect is a dry mouth - but that's the indication that I'm good to go.    I can even manage trans-Atlantic flights and pounding the parks at Disney World without a worry.

    There is some research into Clexane (a blood thinner) triggering remission.     I've also had Leukocyte Apheresis which worked well.