Is this forum indicative of the wider Aspie public?

Thanks for your comment. I think some of us can mask extremely well, so much so we fool ourselves too - until an incident like you describe occurs.

Your story sounds very familiar to me. 

I have a great job, some solid close friends, appear outwardly sociable, have a long stable and happy relationship, enjoy travel. 

But I 'hit the wall' in March last year aged 38.  I thought I'd had a nervous breakdown.  As I frantically googled the signs of a breakdown I came across a female describing an autistic burnout... Everything suddenly clicked into place... A real 'aha moment for me.

I got my diagnosis in January this year. On the run up to my assessment I had real "imposter" syndrome..but sometimes I still do for all the reasons you stated.  

For me it's this innate feeling after spending a relatively short period of time with anybody that I need to be alone. An indescribable tension that just creeps up out of nowhere. Difficult when you have a family. 

Yep - some digital displays seem okay for me, but others look really weird! 

oh my goodness, that's me! dimmer switches and fluorescent lights buzzing ! and digital displays wobbling up and down! 

Hi, Midlands Monkey. Since autism is a spectrum condition, we all experience things very differently. You'd probably be surprised how many challenges you have without even realising (e.g. I thought everyone could hear fluorescent lights buzzing and found clothes itchy - I didn't realise that these were sensory issues!). We also don't tend to use high-functioning/low-functioning labels anymore; our ability to function can vary day-to-day, and often, people who are described as 'high-functioning' just mask a lot (so non-autistic people don't necessarily notice their differences). When you mention that your challenges aren't crippling, that could also be to do with your environment (e.g. if your needs are usually met and you feel quite secure in your environment).

I'd recommend taking a look at Purple Ella and YoSamdySam's YouTube videos - they were really helpful to me when I was exploring diagnosis. If you like reading, Laura James' 'Odd Girl Out' is about her experiences of adult diagnosis; I found it really interesting. 

If you think you might be autistic, there's usually a good reason, so it's worth learning more about the condition and having a think about whether you'd like to pursue adult diagnosis (I'm pursuing one now). 

Everyone on the autism spectrum is different and has a unique set of needs/experiences, so don't be put off if you see people talking about things that you haven't experienced yourself.

Hope that helps 

It's a spectrum ..... condition. ! I consider myself a bit of an outlier most of the time, but I also note that conspicuous success has never really worked for me; even though I can be quite conventional. i read enough here to form the impression that this forum is quite indicative of different locations on the spectrum. I feel reasonably at home here; in fact more so than I feel where I actually live.

.. I'm '50 something' .. and who ever said that the 'something' had to be 9 or less :-D 

I am 51 and a bit :-)  (POST EDIT) sorry i deleted some personal info that i regretted posting. I'm not able to yet but I hope to in a few years. 

I hope you also had the option to take it easier afterwards?

I have hit this wall, but I was 51 when it happened. 

I also read in the comment from Plastic something that I recognise… around the age of 40 comes a difficult point. That's very common, I hear that often. My guess is until then we could deal with life with pure muscle-power, they tell you 'life is hard', and you just get on with it. 

Now I have a different mindset… I made it well enough in life, this part of my life is the bonus game for me. The children (15 and 18) are able bodied and level headed, the house is almost paid for, I don't enjoy vacations and a Toyota Aygo is as good for me as a Jaguar, so I don't need to turn life into a race. And that mindset changes a lot, 

The fact that you prepare well is a good thing, to me the confirmation of the diagnose was like Darwin's theory of evolution, everything that seemed odd about me suddenly had an explanation. 

What's strange, I started to worry about how obvious it was to other people that I have this condition that sets me apart. Intense staring, robotic voice, … 

Also important, allow yourself a couple of months after the diagnose where you just let it all sink in, it's tempting to start immediately shuffling things around, make your house autism-friendly, find a job that fits you better, but it's better to take that really easy.

Midlands Monkey said:

Every day just seems like there's additional stress that is unnecessary because of my 'quirks',

There you go       I made it to 42 before getting diagnosed - after a friend's wife (a teacher) mentioned that I had all the traits.    

Your quirks are part of you - the more you try to modify/hide/repress them, the more additional stress you add - which you *really* don't need.

It's a good time to evaluate your life - where you've come from and what your destination is - why are you working?    Is it just because everyone else does or do you have a solid plan for escape/retirement?     Is your family on board with the plan?

For me it was hitting 40 and not knowing for sure. Every day just seems like there's additional stress that is unnecessary because of my 'quirks', and I hope an understanding is the first step to making things a bit easier in the second half of my life!

Hi - I used to think like you - I was successful, married, child etc - doing very well etc.     My undiagnosed aspie abilities meant I could do things other people couldn't.     I hated things that were unclear or unknown so my job in engineering meant I could literally fix and control everything around me.    I made lots of money for the company.

And then my life suddenly became very stressful and I had no coping mechanism - too many unknowns all at once and my stress got away from me - so my health collapsed - which is apparently a common aspie trait.    

It's something I didn't see coming - it's literally like hitting a wall when the ability to accept more and more stress just tips over the limit and your body says 'no more' and puts the brakes on permanently.

I'm not saying it happens to everyone, but aspie burn-out is surprisingly common - and it catches you off guard.

You're obviously thinking of a diagnosis now - so what was your trigger?

Thank you for the 'comforting' comments, and the advice. You sound very similar to me.

Oh don't you worry, I will go in prepared. I have begun putting together two separate notebooks split by the two DSM-5 categories with traits and examples listed against the subcategories. Preparedness is the one thing many of us are renowned for once we become obsessed by a subject!

I'm diagnosed. Still I'm married, have two children (15 and 18) and have a well paid job. 

I seem to run into same obstacles as you, saying the wrong things, few friends, not knowing what to say when in smalltalk-situations, usually I have one or two things that I'm really interested in and try to know all about.

I also prefer to stay home in the weekends, vacations are also not really my thing. 

Well met. 

The diagnosis is not something to go light about. Take good preparations about it. Once it's confirmed, it still takes a bit of a mourning process. The diagnosis will also show some areas where you're stronger. I seem to be adequate at learning (not super), medium at planning ahead (clumsy, chaotic, …), but very high score on spatial thinking and language, and just an average memory... I have a job that combines finance/accounting and IT, heaven for me.

no it's fine, I am glad to exchange positivity and meet cheerful chat companions. I also hope to contribute something. 

Good point .. these are certainly 'interesting times'

.. and so chatting about what concerns you with others in any medium I'd say is a good thing .. I'm def finding it so .. 

.. the anonymity of being on here - and the total absence of stress about face to face conversations is great

.. and with a typed message of course its possible to read it several times to get a good grip on what is being said and then formulate a reply in your own time

.. its a fine place to exchange thoughts and ideas I reckon .. 

Nothing to feel bad about; it may just be a sign of the times. I hope you didn't take my post personally, it was a genuine question. Take care