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Sorry WolfyC, ignore my comment if your initial feeling from it is as you describe i don't mean to bring you down.. the main point i was trying to get across (but may have got lost) is that you need to find a way of being ok with yourself and that can be difficult when your constantly feeling guilt about how your actions are affecting others. Just do you and work on focusing on the positives, by the sound of it all your wants is to see you find a bit of joy especially your mum who clearly wants you to succeed from what you've written. 
  Guilt, embarrassment and shame all come from focusing on the past and future. leave the past where it is and there's no more guilt, stop trying to predict the future and you may not be worried about how people will see you the you focus on now and start to heal the shame by spreading your pockets of joy with those you care about,

  Hope you find some answers on here and thank you for letting me know how my message came across

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Nessie, 

Sorry to hear that you have been in a hole. 

This sounds feels familiar to me to I hope you get the help you need. 

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Honestly, you could be describing me right now. I’m a little older (37) and have got trapped in a major rut for the second time in my life now–the first after I graduated from university and was too burned out to work (pre-diagnosis), this second time is following a period of working full-time (self-employed) in a really toxic company.

I’ve been stuck out of work for 15 months now and there’s almost nothing of my former self. I actually wrote a letter to my GP this afternoon saying how embarrassed I am that I’m struggling to even wash and dress myself every day (and usually can’t do both), and I’m too terrified to leave my bedroom, much less my flat, in case I’m forced to speak to anyone; yet three years ago I was leading the implementation of a massive software project, responsible for generating £115m a year in income, which went live with 100% accuracy.

So, yeah, I get where you are, and I’ve sent my cry for help. I’m hoping my doctor will get back to me soon because, like you, I can’t go on like this; I hate being such a burden to my boyfriend but I can’t figure out how to move the situation forward.

You write exceptionally well, so maybe you could do the same? I started my letter by saying, “Please forgive me writing rather than making an appointment, but I find it easier to communicate like this.” I then went on to detail, briefly, what’s happened and summarise the different areas of daily life that are proving too challenging for me with my autism. I’m hoping it will help—I can’t imagine it could do any harm, and at least I’ll be on someone’s radar.

Take good care and feel free to DM me if you’d like to chat.

1. It sounds like your putting a very high value on the opinions of others and that is dictating your opinion of yourself. If you have closed yourself off from the world and relied on a very small network for support, when that support fails to resolve an issue or worse changes and becomes a new problem then you would be very vulnerable and isolated. It sounds like your making the right steps by reaching out on a forum like this but really you need to reach out in the real world, finding a support network that isn't exhausted from your issues or even one that has gone through similar issues can instantly stop you from feeling alone and you can support each other so that you dont feel like your just taking all the time. I would be looking for groups that could be focused on autism or simply groups focused on hobbies / something you enjoy. Theres a huge spectrum of people in this world from negative to positive depending one whos interacting with them. Time to give your family a break? :)