Published on 12, July, 2020
I have been overloaded with work pressure and demands on me, at the same time criticisms of the way I work ("do it faster! " "less detailed" ) at the same time they want it just as accurate. Basically unachieveable and unreasonable demands. This has been making me anxious for some time.
I can't get out of the assignments because I'm kind of committed to them as an expert in my field and the most experienced person here. As the pressure has continued to build, the last 2 days my anxiety got so high that I was unable to speak. I have cried a bit (on the stairs) but not spoken. I feel overwhelmed and overloaded.
I have Aspergers with a high PDA profile.
Does anyone else have these days? it's awful, and I feel stupid afterwards. I would describe some other feelings if i had them, but I really suck at identifying feelings and I suck at talking to anyone about it without breaking down. The only thing i feel like is a storm raging inside me.
I definitely understand the work pressure - it's something I struggle with too (how are you supposed to deliver high-quality work with so little time?). I don't become non-verbal, but I do have days (or moments in the day) when I find it very hard to communicate. For example, my words might come out in the wrong order, there might be a long gap between someone asking a question and me answering it, or I'll just ramble and it won't make sense to anyone (even me sometimes!).
Try not to be angry with yourself. We have to work much harder than most, so it's okay to take some time out when we need it.
Thanks for your reply. I think I do a kind of Stamina Mode where I'd like to shut down but I continue working, just shutting down the other channels I consider non essential. On the other hand I feel so lucky to be in a job, as I've always felt a bit dysfunctional... that I respond with excessive loyalty.