Does anyone have days when they simply can't speak?

I really feel what you're saying!! I can definitely relate to Stamina Mode (I have to be told to slow down sometimes, or I'll work myself into the ground... although I think I'm getting a little better at managing this lately). I wouldn't say I feel excessive loyalty towards my organisation, but I have this fear that I won't be accepted elsewhere. I'm sure I'd be absolutely fine - it's just a nagging doubt. 

I have been overloaded with work pressure and demands on me, at the same time criticisms of the way I work ("do it faster! "  "less detailed" ) at the same time they want it just as accurate.  Basically  unachieveable and unreasonable demands. This has been making me anxious for some time. 

I can't get out of the assignments because I'm kind of committed to them as an expert in my field and the most experienced person here.  As the pressure has continued to build, the last 2 days my anxiety got so high that I was unable to speak. I have cried a bit (on the stairs) but not spoken. I feel overwhelmed and overloaded. 

I have Aspergers with a high PDA profile.

Does anyone else have these days?

Yup ~ but with me I have stress induced seizures with increasing nominal aphasia (inability to use or recall names) up to complete aphasia (inability to speak at all).

The nominal aphasia thing is generally always the case to lesser or greater degrees depending upon the stress and the complete aphasia depends upon the seizures, with linguistic lock-ins or shut-downs lasting about a few hours, and the worst ones years ago lasting in one case about a couple of weeks.

I also get writer's block where either my mind is completely blank with nothing to write or else utterly jam packed solid blocked with too much to write, which had in the latter instance been on the go since Saturday, with speaking being a bit limited also and the nominal aphasia being rampant these last few days. Been under a lot of pressure lately to get things done, hey hoe!

it's awful, and I feel stupid afterwards.

Awful it is, but stupid you are not.

You are dealing with traumatic overload and are as such experiencing a burn out of the linguistic networks of your mind-body relationship, so feeling stupefied in an overwhelmed sense of things might be more appropriate as a descriptor perhaps?

I would describe some other feelings if i had them, but I really suck at identifying feelings and I suck at talking to anyone about it without breaking down. The only thing i feel like is a storm raging inside me.

With being under too much pressure emotionally and therefore being mentally and physically maxed out, your ability to process that damned up magnitude of hypertensive feelings is going to be limited, as in the sense of being emotionally desensitized or even disassociated. Learning to moderate and reduce more your stress levels might well help you to relate better with your feelings and become more familiar with them. 

In order to reduce my stress levels, and decrease my seizures from the grand-mall body banger types to the much more petite-mall mind clanger varieties ~ I learnt to do deep gentle pelvic breathing where the nose and mouth are imagined as if being in the center of the chest, and the lungs are imagined as if being in the pelvis ~ with each inhalation energetically drawing up from the earth to nurture the body, and each exhalation energetically pushing back into the ground to nurture the earth. If you do this whilst walking around and imagine the world is like a treadmill, it can actually feel as such and increase you physical mobility efficiency too.

Thanks for your reply. I think I do a kind of Stamina Mode where I'd like to shut down but I continue working, just shutting down the other channels I consider non essential.  On the other hand I feel so lucky to be in a job, as I've always felt a bit dysfunctional... that I respond with excessive loyalty. 

It's OK, thanks. I've actually decided to book an appointment with the psychologist who did my diagnosis,  based on both your advice about burnout. She gave me both the pda profile then the full asperger diagnosis (after she noticed I was masking massively the first time). It surely can't hurt to talk to her more about this problem with loyalty and workload. 

I definitely understand the work pressure - it's something I struggle with too (how are you supposed to deliver high-quality work with so little time?). I don't become non-verbal, but I do have days (or moments in the day) when I find it very hard to communicate. For example, my words might come out in the wrong order, there might be a long gap between someone asking a question and me answering it, or I'll just ramble and it won't make sense to anyone (even me sometimes!).

Try not to be angry with yourself. We have to work much harder than most, so it's okay to take some time out when we need it.

I understand that feeling that you are kind of honour-bound to deliver, I had it for a decade or two at work. I've really had to invest energy in letting go of it since my burnout, because I don't want to (can't) repeat that. But it stays with me.

You can edit posts if you want to go back and redact anything - and I'm happy to edit mine if you want me to :-) 

I appreciate the concern and thoughtful replies from both you and CaliforniaDreamer95. I tend to disclose way too much information and I have done it again. I always give too much background to every story. 

I just wanted to ask if there were others that went mute when they got stressed.  

Regarding the work, it's kind of how it is in the field of my work. I find it very hard to be untruthful as i take everything as literal and factual. I have not been off sick for more than 15 years and I have got a reputation as someone who delivers, so I can't back out now. I wouldn't be able to sit at home knowing others had to cover my job. 

That sounds tough. I haven't researched PDA much but I imagine that it can't be easy to manage with demands from work.

The most important thing here is your mental health, and it sounds like something in you is telling you that it's under fire. Are there workarounds? What would work do if you went off sick (which may happen anyway unless something changes soon)? Can you look forward to a time in the near future when deadlines are more relaxed? Can you submit holding responses?

Your managers have a duty of care over your stress levels - can you approach them saying "This is the situation, if I don't change something I fear I will have to take sick leave, I have a proposal that we do X,Y,Z"?

Unfortunately the time limits are being set by the government, so I have to comply by law and do it fast otherwise if I fail i take the whole ship down with me.  My problem is that my anxiety builds up to a point where I can't talk any more.

Hello Darkshines,

I have been there "Faster! More output!". I usually work by "I can do it quickly, or I can do it properly". I also felt anxious and stressed because I was under pressure. Before I was diagnosed, I didn't understand why I felt like this.

There is nothing wrong with taking your time. By taking your time, you ensure that any task you are given is completed to the best of your own ability.