Published on 12, July, 2020
I feel so exposed, and like my gender is being stolen. I just don't know what to do. I love my gender so dearly - I feel like it's the most precious thing that belongs to me - and why people want to take it from me I'll never know. I'm thinking I could have a baby to prove my femininity, I mean, it's not hard, physically, to conceive a baby, but I wouldn't be a good mother...I'm not ready to be a mother, emotionally or in any other way...I've no partner, no money, nothing, not to mention the fact that my family would be devastated if I had a baby. I've thought about having one, then proving to the world that I'd given birth and therefore am inarguably a woman, then having the baby adopted by people who would love it, but how could I ever give my child away? It would destroy me, not to mention that the child would have my genes and therefore could grow up as defective as I am (I had a lovely upbringing and feel a lot of my pain and failings are a result faulty genes) or it were ever to find out it was adopted, it could feel abandoned.
I feel like the sun is pressing into my skull, that I'm being watched. Everything hurts. And everyone thinks I'm all right.
This has pretty much been my story, for seven years, since I was diagnosed. I don't think I can go on like this. I really don't.
There are replies to this upon this Thread:
https://community.autism.org.uk/f/adults-on-the-autistic-spectrum/15383/why-do-people-think-it-s-ok-to-be-autistic/
...This other Thread, Which said, generally, that If You are born Female, then No-One can debate that, and that You need not make a Baby to prove Your own Gender, and that this needs to be discussed to uncover underlying reasons why You feel this way. Autism or Depression, or thinking that You have "Defective" Genes.
Get away, if You can, from anyone who makes You feel Negative about such things, or who pressures You to do things which You do not like or want. Find instead things which make You happy, and pursue those in the face of such adversity.
(...I hope that this reply is not misunderstood as hostile by anyone... if so, I apologise. I am Female as well, with no children, and I know by now that I am not the only one here like that.)
You seem to keep missing my points. I'm being actively hurt, and no one cares. How can anyone be happy if they're being sought after and persecuted?
I've had a terrible past because of people. Counselling helps, I pay privately so maybe look into it. I pay 25 an hour one session a week when needed. Make sure their accredited and if you feel you dont like one dont be affraid to change. Love yourself dont try to please anyone. Your scars will still be there but you try to manage them with help.
Dont worry what people think
Do what makes you happy. People come and go. Their fickle creatures I can never understand.
Let go of worrying what others think of you. Spend time on yourself, do things you enjoy
I don't know what to say to help, and I am no councillor or expert, but big hugs.
There are people out there that do care, and hopefully at some point you will find someone special who you can share positive experiences with and enjoy life, and who cares for you dearly. They do exist. They are out there, although it is difficult to find them. All the people on here care, and I am sure there are some people in your life somewhere who care.
I have been through some really hard times in my life and have been where you are. Unfortunately there is not one simple fits all answer or solution. You may need to speak to a professional to get you through it. It will likely take some work and time.
However, I will say this, and I mean it. Once you find the right life and ideally a partner that suits you, life can be enjoyed and appreciated. Stick with it. Try new things, Try to experience positives. Try to find some small positive each day and when you spot it, force yourself to smile, even if it is something simple like listening to a good music track or having a cup of tea.
It is really hard to snap out of being down and turn to being positive and it will not happen over night, and it requires you to take action. Try to list out negatives and put a small positive action against each one. Try to start making a positive step. I found it easier to take really small simple steps in a positive direction, but once you start to do that, the positive action breaths life into further positive action.
If life works against you it is hard. Start fighting to make life work for you and find a way to enjoy it.
If people around you hurt you, find new people. If work is bad, find a new job. I know it sounds simple and it isn't, but you need to take control of your life in order to enjoy it.
I feel for you and wish you all the best and positive vibes I can in getting through this. Good luck, and more hugs.
It's everyone, Everyone in my past and present, I can't hide from memories and the damage has been done. It's what the world's doing to me. The only help I need is for people to believe in me. This is a different thread than the initial one. Sorry for confusing you.