Sexual orientation

I am a male in my late 30’s and it is a question that has dogged me all my life.  I don’t have/never had a girlfriend or any relationship. 

As a child I was always called “gay” as put down, yet I don’t really find men sexually attractive. This is from childhood.

I don’t really find women sexually attractive either. I see my life as the ideal wife and kids, but I’m always questioning. 

Perhaps that’s what I am. Always questioning. 

I wouldn’t talk to my parents about it, love em, because they are of an older generation. 

So I thought I would try on here.

By the way, I do not give permission for anyone to use any or part of this publication for research or for any other purposes.

  • Have been thinking some more about this, and I also think there is a difference between seeing something as sexual and feeling attracted to a person. They're not the same thing at all! We can recognise that someone is doing something sexual in how they walk or dress themselves without being attracted to it. I assume this is the same for men and women. I'm not even talking about love and lust, more being aware that something is sexual without feeling lust.

    Don't know if this makes any sense, but it's something I've just been noticing.

  • Hi,

    That sounds a tough situation. My gut instinct would say that if you feel attracted to someone whilst in conversation with them, that would tell you something. Possibly, it could be that you might be feeling attraction for either sex, but you're not noticing it... Maybe, you could try noticing how your body is feeling every time you talk to someone who you could potentially be attracted to. For example, your heart rate might go up and that is usually a sign of physical attraction (or fear).

  • There are a.lot.of people who fall in love.with the idea.of being in love and then form relationships that are doomed.to failure.

    How you choose to run your life is up to you as long as it doesn't harm other people.  And failed.relationships can cause a lot of harm.

    If you are content with your life, that is what matters. Friendships can be just as rewarding as sexual love.  And they don't have all the messy stuff that comes with it.

  • Well I too analyse everything and although married for 35 years wonder about why and whether it has been a dreadful burden for my kind wife. I now am seriously thinking about ending it all, so encourage you to accept who you are and why 

  • So, that's fine... you could be asexual... if you HAVE to have a label.

    Does it matter? If you want a female parter and kids and can form a romantic or platonic connection with someone who has matching preferences then that's what's important.

    Labels are for clothes... and it's common for people with ASD to find them irritating and cut them out.

    No labels, just comfort!

  • It sounds very normal! I haven't had any relationships before either.

  • I had one relationship. I found it difficult. 

    She wanted to kiss on lips, tongues an all. And I did it to make her happy. But I always wanted to wash my mouth out afterwards, I hated it. Though I was attracted to her. 

    Though you post reminds me of the way I once answered a therapists question when she said, "Do you see yourself in a relationship in the future?" I and I said, "No. I just see myself living alone with a dog."