Published on 12, July, 2020
I’ve yet to have my diagnosis so lurk around the internet trying to persuade myself I am not a fraud, or a non autistic person that can’t get her s**t together.
I Wish there was a clearer definition and a name for this condition / disorder that doesn’t include autism. It’s not that I don’t want the autism label but I feel that, without a definition of the fundamentals that put us all on the spectrum in varying degrees, trying to explain myself to anyone (and fundamentally to myself) is difficult. Throughout the course of a month I can appear very normal and handle things (people, noise, stress etc) , to escaping my work at 5 with as little interaction as possible and saying random things to myself in my flat to vent what I haven’t said heoughout the day. If I discuss this with anyone close to me they say ‘aw I do that’ or ‘everyone has their little idiosyncrasies’. More doubt...
I would prefer it if this part of the spectrum could be better defined and named. The part of the spectrum that includes the females who don’t have special interests, can make eye contact and don’t stim. No great intelligence / IQ. Those that, although they can’t, would like to communicate better.
Wouldn’t directing people to the help they specifically need be easier if ASD was better defined? Or disorders named. And taken off the spectrum?
I find the fact that it’s so difficult for practitioners to identify (in women) disheartening and it doesn’t fill my confidence. Surely better definitions would make research and identifying support much easier too?
The problem with this is that the whole idea of the spectrum is people don't fit into blocks. They are all very different and have different traits. I'm a high functioning female with autism. I've only just been diagnosed at 29. I can make eye contact but it isn't always uncomfortable. I don't always use it with unfamiliar people. I often look away if I unexpectedly meet someone's eye contact. I do have special interests but they are perhaps not as obvious as someone with classic autism. I do stim to an extent. It comes out more like fidgeting. I tap when I get agitated. None of these things are necessarily obvious to people that don't know me because I can mask. There may be females that do do these things but does this make me "more" autistic than them. How would you divide these people up? I don't think you can define every area on the spectrum as it is so diverse. You would also probably get the issue that people wouldn't think those in that area struggle when they do.
Practioners do need to get better at diagnosing women I agree with this.
I believe, as I like detail and definitions, that research could be better focused. For those who have severe sysmptoms, non verbal, lash out, research could be focused on the causes of this (rather than the broad spectrum of autism) to help expectant parents etc. There are cross overs with personality disorders but each is defined.
People do say ‘the female phenotype’. Tania Marshall’s list is helpful but I know many NT who say I’ do that, I do that, and that’. Is my difficulty to cope with these traits the only difference? Could it be something else? I try to keep an open mind and not get too attached to ASD, although I want it to be this so I can stop the search.
I shoul of added that I don’t want to take anyone’s diagnosis away from them. I just wanted to know if this crosses people minds. I do believe I am on the spectrum but I get frustrated when it can be so vague at times.