Am I making too much of this?

Hi Sickle Moon 

Autism awareness is still very much in its early days, so most people, even some people with autism, don’t know that much about it and they understand less. 

I was only diagnosed last year and although I did a ton of research, I’m only just slowly starting to understand it. So I definitely don’t expect anybody else to understand it. How could they? My experience of autism is different from what I’ve read about and often when I read something, it’s talking about how autism appears to others from the outside, which is often different to how I experience it on the inside. So even a lot of information available, about autism, isn’t correct.

So never expect people to understand it, because they don’t. That’s not good or bad, it’s just as it is, we’re still learning and if we’re patient with people and we don’t expect too much of them, we can help them to understand. 

If you would like people to know and understand autism better, if you get the opportunity, you could let them know. But only if they’re interested and never when you’re coming from a place of defending yourself or something like that. Don’t defend yourself, you don’t need to. You know who you are and that’s all that really matters. But if people are interested in finding out a bit more about autism, then you can certainly tell them. 

Maybe your flat mate  was having a bad day when she that your autism was a sob story, or maybe at that moment, it sounded to her that you were using it as a sob story because maybe you weren’t explaining yourself very well at the time?  I know that sometimes when I’ve been attempting to tell somebody about something and I bring autism into it, and I haven’t don’t a very good job of it, it can sound like a sob story. It wasn’t a sob story but my poor attempt, at that time, of trying to explain myself, made it sound that way. And that’s ok, even if I was using it as a sob story because we probably all use a sob story every now and again, there’s nothing wrong with that. 

As for standing up against posts on Facebook, I wouldn’t bother. Who are you standing up against? If somebody has put something on Facebook that’s unkind, then they are probably feeling terrible about themselves and as a way to make themselves feel better, they write something unkind about somebody else. Happy people don’t post horrible posts so when you see one, you can be sure that the person who wrote it is feeling terrible inside in some way.  The best thing we can do when somebody is feeling terrible, is be kind to them, not provoke them further by defending ourselves against them or we can just plain old leave them alone until they’re feeling better.  If we defend ourselves, it won’t make us feel better but it might make the other person think they feel better because it might them feel anger, which can temporarily replace how terrible they really feel.

So of course, look after yourself but not by getting into arguments over stuff that is never going to end well. 

If you’re getting concerned about all of these comments that have been made to you, and you’re wondering if they could have any truth in them. Next time somebody says one of these comments to you, ask them if they could it explain it better to you. You might be coming across to most people, in a way that you’re not aware of.

It’s not easy for most people to see themselves from somebody else’s perspective, but it’s actually one of our traits that we often really can’t do that. So instead of getting upset with people, ask them, with a genuine interest, if they will explain to you in more detail, why they think you come across like that. And maybe you are and it’s a misunderstanding but when you’ve got more information about it, you might be able to adjust what you’re doing a little or maybe you’ll learn how to express yourself more clearly in a way that makes it clear that you’re not giving a sob story or whatever. Maybe start writing them down to see if there’s a pattern or similarities so you can see if that’s how you really are coming across to people. 

How long ago was it when you got diagnosed? 

So remember, most people definitely do not understand very much about autism but if we keep calm and strong, we can do our bit to spread awareness by talking about it to people who are interested to understand more. And of course, we are each the face of autism in a way, how we behave and what we say etc will inform people of what autism is like and we can deepen their understanding by talking to them about how we experience it from the inside and as it relates to us, individually, because of course, we are all different. 

I found that once I accepted the reality of the fact that most people don’t understand very much about autism, I stopped getting upset because I was no longer expecting them to understand it and I was able to start helping people understand it better by talking to them about it.

Before I got my diagnosis I had never researched autism like I did when I suspected I had it, so I’m guessing that most people out there aren’t going to be spending their time learning all about it, unless it effects their lives in some ways. So just be gentle with people, be kind and patient and some of the people will be open enough to want to hear more and learn more about it and you can have some really great discussions that leave you and the other person feeling great.

Whenever we try to defend ourselves, we will never feel great and neither will the other person. Good luck 

Hi Sickle Moon 

Autism awareness is still very much in its early days, so most people, even some people with autism, don’t know that much about it and they understand less. 

I was only diagnosed last year and although I did a ton of research, I’m only just slowly starting to understand it. So I definitely don’t expect anybody else to understand it. How could they? My experience of autism is different from what I’ve read about and often when I read something, it’s talking about how autism appears to others from the outside, which is often different to how I experience it on the inside. So even a lot of information available, about autism, isn’t correct.

So never expect people to understand it, because they don’t. That’s not good or bad, it’s just as it is, we’re still learning and if we’re patient with people and we don’t expect too much of them, we can help them to understand. 

If you would like people to know and understand autism better, if you get the opportunity, you could let them know. But only if they’re interested and never when you’re coming from a place of defending yourself or something like that. Don’t defend yourself, you don’t need to. You know who you are and that’s all that really matters. But if people are interested in finding out a bit more about autism, then you can certainly tell them. 

Maybe your flat mate  was having a bad day when she that your autism was a sob story, or maybe at that moment, it sounded to her that you were using it as a sob story because maybe you weren’t explaining yourself very well at the time?  I know that sometimes when I’ve been attempting to tell somebody about something and I bring autism into it, and I haven’t don’t a very good job of it, it can sound like a sob story. It wasn’t a sob story but my poor attempt, at that time, of trying to explain myself, made it sound that way. And that’s ok, even if I was using it as a sob story because we probably all use a sob story every now and again, there’s nothing wrong with that. 

As for standing up against posts on Facebook, I wouldn’t bother. Who are you standing up against? If somebody has put something on Facebook that’s unkind, then they are probably feeling terrible about themselves and as a way to make themselves feel better, they write something unkind about somebody else. Happy people don’t post horrible posts so when you see one, you can be sure that the person who wrote it is feeling terrible inside in some way.  The best thing we can do when somebody is feeling terrible, is be kind to them, not provoke them further by defending ourselves against them or we can just plain old leave them alone until they’re feeling better.  If we defend ourselves, it won’t make us feel better but it might make the other person think they feel better because it might them feel anger, which can temporarily replace how terrible they really feel.

So of course, look after yourself but not by getting into arguments over stuff that is never going to end well. 

If you’re getting concerned about all of these comments that have been made to you, and you’re wondering if they could have any truth in them. Next time somebody says one of these comments to you, ask them if they could it explain it better to you. You might be coming across to most people, in a way that you’re not aware of.

It’s not easy for most people to see themselves from somebody else’s perspective, but it’s actually one of our traits that we often really can’t do that. So instead of getting upset with people, ask them, with a genuine interest, if they will explain to you in more detail, why they think you come across like that. And maybe you are and it’s a misunderstanding but when you’ve got more information about it, you might be able to adjust what you’re doing a little or maybe you’ll learn how to express yourself more clearly in a way that makes it clear that you’re not giving a sob story or whatever. Maybe start writing them down to see if there’s a pattern or similarities so you can see if that’s how you really are coming across to people. 

How long ago was it when you got diagnosed? 

So remember, most people definitely do not understand very much about autism but if we keep calm and strong, we can do our bit to spread awareness by talking about it to people who are interested to understand more. And of course, we are each the face of autism in a way, how we behave and what we say etc will inform people of what autism is like and we can deepen their understanding by talking to them about how we experience it from the inside and as it relates to us, individually, because of course, we are all different. 

I found that once I accepted the reality of the fact that most people don’t understand very much about autism, I stopped getting upset because I was no longer expecting them to understand it and I was able to start helping people understand it better by talking to them about it.

Before I got my diagnosis I had never researched autism like I did when I suspected I had it, so I’m guessing that most people out there aren’t going to be spending their time learning all about it, unless it effects their lives in some ways. So just be gentle with people, be kind and patient and some of the people will be open enough to want to hear more and learn more about it and you can have some really great discussions that leave you and the other person feeling great.

Whenever we try to defend ourselves, we will never feel great and neither will the other person. Good luck 

I think it's kind of horrible that this person is inferring that the original poster somehow deserves to have this kind of treatment...no one has the right to call someone's autism a 'sob story'. No one would call a physical disability that, regardless of the behaviour of the person with the disability. Even if they were horrible enough to think that the person had talked about their disability too much or whatever, they wouldn't say so, because they would know it was socially unacceptable. Why should autism or 'invisible disabilities' be any different? 

If this is the same deleted user that accused an upset person of acting like a two-year-old, then I'm glad they're gone, as they're clearly going round being judgemental.

Sorry, but this has just made me mad. If you're reading this, Sickle Moon, please try not to listen. You don't deserve this horrible treatment from these people.