Exhausted from social interaction and not wanting to interact with others

Hi Moolyhoops,

I'm not surprised that you hate family get-togethers if they look down on you because of your diagnosis.  How do they do this?  Ridicule you? Refuse to talk about it?  Regard you as sub-normal and as such have nothing of value to say?  I can't be around anyone like that.  My diagnosis has distanced me from most of my family.  But I don't need to be around negative, uncaring people - as if I don't feel bad enough about myself.  I need to be around people who want to include me, who are genuinely understanding, who can accept me on my own terms... who make me feel better about myself.  Who make me feel human.

I find human interaction tiring, too.  I avoid it as much as I can, and try to keep it at a phatic level - which seems very superficial, but there it is.  I spent most of Christmas alone - just a couple of hours with my niece and her family on Christmas Day, when I'd had a bit to drink anyway, and enjoyed playing a few daft games and having a laugh.  I was glad to get home, though, and be alone with my cat.

The only place that I really have no choice but to spend time with other people is at work.  I always find that enervating.  I'm always glad to get home in the evening and shut the door.

You're not alone!  Not in that sense, anyway.

I’m sorry you don’t feel human Tom. I know that feeling all too well. Before I got my diagnosis, I never felt like I was human. It’s very sad. I don’t like to think of anybody feeling that way. Did the diagnosis not go anyway to helping you feel human? 

I’m sorry you don’t feel human Tom. I know that feeling all too well. Before I got my diagnosis, I never felt like I was human. It’s very sad. I don’t like to think of anybody feeling that way. Did the diagnosis not go anyway to helping you feel human? 

I totally agree with you Extra,  the language or the words we use are extremely powerful, very powerful indeed. 

I also agree that, up until a point, we are all a product of our upbringing and our environments etc etc, that point being, until we are able to think for ourselves and make our own decisions. 

You learned a great way of dealing with the type of behaviour you mentioned ~ walking away ~ this is often the absolute best course of action  and it can often take a lot of courage, so well done, I’m still working on this one! 

If everyone in a room agrees, silently or not, that I’m weird, burdensome or annoying etc etc then that simply means that everyone in the room agrees that I’m all of those things, it doesn’t mean that I am those things, just that some of the people, in fact all of the people in that room, apart from me, thinks those things about me, but it doesn’t make it true. 

It's not a causal relationship - ie they're not manipulating your neurons. My theory is that we're all somewhat shaped by the language we speak and the culture(s) we grew up in and language has power. For example, you can show that when people shout an expletive on, say, stubbing a toe, they actually feel better, at least momentarily. The word has power.

I don't know if you were ever bullied in the particular form of a couple of boys grabbing your school hat and throwing it to each other so that it's hard for you to catch - if you complain they laugh more, if you try to catch it, they aggressively make it impossible to get into the 'loop' so you could retrieve your hat - participate on an equal basis? I learned the only way to deal with this was to walk away - eventually someone would return the hat. Language can be used like that - if everyone in the room silently agrees that you're weird/burdensome/annoying then that's what you are. No amount of struggling to catch what's going on, complaining or crying will change it. All you can do is walk away - but in the case of family gatherings this solution is a little drastic.

The kinds of pain an intimacy can inflict is another thing I think?

That’s interesting, how did the person or persons make you feel something against your will? I thought it had never happened to me but it did once when I was in a particular relationship. I’m just wondering how people manage to do that to you, was it when you was in a close intimate relationship, like I was? 

I have been made to feel like that, that am not normal, I learnt the hard way but beginning to be able to keep distance from such people. I find socialising it isn't too bad if your in good company where you know you can be yourself and difference is seen as a positive and do not really have to mask much otherwise it can be exhausting trying to be normal. 

I don’t know how somebody else can make you feel in a way that’s different to how you’re feeling. It’s obviously a trait I don’t share with you, but I honestly don’t know how that happens or what it feels like. 

It did happen to me once, when I was in the relationship with the guy with narcissism. I began to notice that I was somehow taking on his fears and insecuritites, but to a degree, I thought they were mine. It was very weird, but interesting as well. 

As is this. That’s the only time somebody has been able to some how take over my mind though and make me feel in a way that they wanted me to feel or somehow made me feel like their issues were mine. It’s interesting that happens to you when you’re around certain people. 

That must be very difficult. It almost cracked me up when it was happening to me and that was only with one person and for a limited amount of time.

I do feel human.  What I mean is... how they can make you feel.  Inadequate, sub-normal, not keeping up.

It comes back to the old dog and cat analogy: some people can understand that you're a cat and accept you as a cat; others just see you as a poor excuse for a dog.  It's a denial of your essential self.

Here, I'm accepted as being a cat.  Out there, I'm not.  Not so much, anyway.