When High Functioning means that there’s an expectation to be beyond human

Ps sorry if it sounds cynical but I’m having trouble with this area too. 

Hello Ellie. Mm. Well you could think of high functioning as functioning highly ie that you do do a lot which as you’ve said .. you do. It’s always said if you want something doing ask a busy person. So the more you do, the more you do .. until you run out. So yes unless you create your own boundaries and teach yourself it’s ok to say no and learn for yourself when things are too much for you.. then you will continue to be taken advantage of.  People have expectations of us to suit their needs about what’s easier and more convenient for us to fulfill. And seem to think their needs are more important than ours. It’s also convenient for them to ignore, not acknowledge, accept, try to understand the aspects we don’t do well, need understanding and accommodating because they have to make an effort or change their expectations or behaviour and they don’t see why they should. Also I think gender stereotyping may be part of this ( sorry guys) but there is still the idea it’s the female role to do the nurturing, healing, caring, etc   So again ( and it’s hard ( I can’t do it) ) we need to know what our boundaries are and put them in place.. or try to..  him not sure how helpful this is .. but yes it sucks to be dumped on in the you’re available you can do it department! x

Maybe you need to figure out how an elephant becomes a butterfly.

Well... maybe not externally 

So, shall I quit the regime 

I'm the same.  I wouldn't say I was successful (depending on the criteria), but I'm good at what I do.  Very good.  Many colleagues have told me I'm one of the best carers there, because I do the job properly.  But in another situation, such as I was faced with on Thursday, I go to pieces and am a fumbling wreck.  Anyone who looked at me now would see that, too.  I'm a fumbling wreck.  I'm shaking as I write this.  Brought to my knees by what many would regard as trivial nonsense, and the product of a vivid imagination and a paranoia complex.

I wouldn't be where I am right now, today, sick again and facing a money shortage because I'm now on half-pay, if they had stuck to the letter of what was suggested as 'reasonable adjustments' and not put me working alongside this woman on Thursday.  We had a staff shortage, but they could still have managed things to ensure I was happy.  They will say to me now, quite reasonably, 'Why didn't you tell us that you wanted the rota changed?'  Firstly, because I shouldn't have needed to.  Secondly, my head was so fixated on the prospect of potential problems that day that I wasn't thinking rationally at all.  I couldn't see the forest for the trees.  And then I hit overload, had a massive panic attack that led to a hospital visit... and the rest is history.

I'm high functioning - very high IQ, very successful - but under certain conditions, I'm REALLY unable to function.

If I were to be measured in those situations, I would appear low functioning.

To me, high functioning means that although you're autistic, you can function and pass yourself of as a normal ( whatever normal means?????) person most of the time.

To many people  autism is linked with low IQ, learning disabilities, epilepsy, downs syndrome, Cerebral Palsy   , looking disabled, bizzare behaviour, and. .....

High functioning means you don't display these classic features.

I got used as a performing monkey for years - totally abused to the point my health was collapsing. I pointed out the behaviours that were damaging me but those involved were too selfish and lazy to change because that would show their own incompetence. Instead, things were swept under the carpet because I was unable to just walk away from it all.

Eventually my health failed completely so that all the hard/impossible decisions were taken out of my hands.

Had the same with plenty of great management and really @&#_@_#&&@___#&#_@__# awful people. (Insert your own appreciate adjectives above)

Well said.

I've worked in places where the supportive management created an environment where no-one would ever guess I was Asperger's - it wasn't an issue, there was no stress, I could get on and be exceptional.

Things only went wrong when I had bullying management that lied all the time and that's when all my Asperger traits came out - big time.

Unfortunately, those traits made it impossible to be able to fight back and my ability to talk to that manager reduced to just two words shouting in my head. One of those words was OFF.

The commoditisation of autism

Exactly.  Same with me.  And I have done exceptional things in my current job.  Now, though, I'm beginning to get seen as a liability.

I know exactly what you mean.  And when my last partner - who was lazy, untidy and demanding - berated me for daring to suggest that my own negative behaviour was in response to hers ('Don't use your condition as an excuse,' she said), I felt the same.  Ignored.  And diminished as a person.

I currently work two jobs, been offered a third and my OH now suggested that I take on a forth (a business), I also do all the domestic chores and support my son. 

OH does not work... but as I have a skill set I seem to find myself as the high performing monkey when in fact I’m an elephant currently receiving support for anxiety and depression - these latter facts seems to have been ignored 

In my case, the difference between me being a super-achiever or a barely communicative fool is just the way I am managed.

With caring, helpful management I can do exceptional things - with bullying manipulative management I lose the ability to function and interact with people.

I don't like the terms either, but we seem to be stuck with them.  My understanding is that we are 'high-functioning' in comparison to people with autism who also have learning disabilities to a greater or lesser degree: people who need support in all aspects of their daily lives.

But it also, to me, implies a comparison with neurotypicals (i.e. we function well, but not as well as they do).

I think I know what you mean, though.  For me, it seems to be the expectation that because I can do many of the important things that NTs can do - hold down a job, drive a car, manage a household budget, operate a computer - I should therefore also be able to understand and respond to things as they do. I should be able to manage certain situations better.  But I can't.  Part of my current problem, with the bullying at work, is getting my managers - including people who really ought to know better, such a those in the behaviour team - to understand that I can't just let things go over my head, I can't just ignore silly comments, I can't work around people who seem to be going out of their way to make life difficult for me.  I had to send the Behaviour Manager a research paper about autism, trauma and PTSD in an effort to help her to understand that 'trauma' to me can be what most people would regard as trivial: that I have a lower threshold for it, and am much more sensitive to it.

I hate this tendency many NTs have to 'normalise' things.  Everyone gets bullied.  Everyone has tough days.  Everyone experiences anxiety.  We're in the minority, so we don't have a lot of back-up support, whereas they are in the majority and have each other to confirm that my responses are faulty or inappropriate.  I had a colleague the other day tut-tut when a service user covered his ears as an ambulance went screaming past, sirens blaring.  'You'd think he'd have gotten used to it by now,' she said.  I had to point out the obvious.  He's hypersensitive to loud noises.  There is no getting used to it.  Another colleague said about another service user, whose daily routine was hugely interrupted, 'He needs to learn that he cannot always do what he wants to do when he expects to do it.'   What am I missing here?  Who are these people?

If I can't even get understanding, acceptance and appropriate support in an autism facility, what hope is there for any of us?

Sorry... that was a whinge!