Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, just wondering if anyone got practical advise for me. My 13 year old son has been diagnosed with ASD last week, though I'm very relieved that there is finally an explanation to his behaviour, we still have to deal with very foul langiage, screaming, throwing stuff, shoving etc. Quite disturbing for an adult, but even more so for my 9 year old son (he doesn't have ASD). I'm trying to think of a new way of dealing with his outburts (over very trivial things), but it just seems that I'm letting him get away with this outrages behaviour. He is refusing to talk about ASD, so no starting point. Any ideas,anybody? Has anybody got practical advise how to curb the outbursts without confrontations, but still imppose the boundaries?
Regarding Rusky's original posting, you are concerned about your son's "outbursts (over very trivial things)".
It is important, if you are to find a way forward, not to simply connect the most recent event with an outburst.
What's happening to your son continues to be a matter of debate as to the exact cause - sensory bandwidth, sensory overload, stress due to high sensitivity etc. But what he is experiencing is a build up of stresses from a number of causes. He probably cannot stop going over things in his head you would have forgotten about in minutes. This is because people on the spectrum don't get all the information they need, and have to process and reprocess to try to sort it out and find resolution. This leads to multiple spiralling anxiety.
Hence the "very trivial things" you perceive as coinciding with an outburst may be irrelevant or "the last straw" for someone with accumulated stress. If you continue to treat the outburst as arising over a trivial matter you will still be "banging your head against a brick wall" years from now.
You can have no possible conception of the accumulated stresses affecting your son unless you've actually "been in his shoes". So please don't trivialise this.
However it might help if you give him some time to talk through the things concerning him over the last twenty four hours say. It may be you can re-assure him about things that will reduce the turmoil in his head. A lot can be done to reduce the level of tension.
But as Scorpion0x17 has said, if its a meltdown give him quiet space and dignity to get it over with.
When he is calm, give him some time to talk through the things going on in his head.
I found the following very helpful
longman said: people on the spectrum don't get all the information they need, and have to process and reprocess to try to sort it out and find resolution. This leads to multiple spiralling anxiety. Hence the "very trivial things" you perceive as coinciding with an outburst may be irrelevant or "the last straw" for someone with accumulated stress. If you continue to treat the outburst as arising over a trivial matter you will still be "banging your head against a brick wall" years from now.
people on the spectrum don't get all the information they need, and have to process and reprocess to try to sort it out and find resolution. This leads to multiple spiralling anxiety.