Published on 12, July, 2020
I recently got my dream job as a Python Developer and at first it was really great, but after a few weeks I had to declare I was on the autistic spectrum because my boss kept taking the mickey out of me infront of my colleagues at daily standup meetings when I asked questions where he thought the answers were "obvious". I had to take to take him aside and explain that I do need to ask questions and the answers aren't obvious to me, but he responded by giving me a really massive project to do that involved learning a great deal. I managed it, but it took me six weeks and during that time he had increased the level of ridicule so I was having regular anxiety attacks infront of everybody and making a lot of errors because I couldn't concentrate. Things came to a head when they brought the whole team on a work getaway to Menorca that I really didn't want to go on. I had meltdowns in the airport on the way there and on the way back and felt I was going to lose my job because of them. The week after we got back I managed to complete the task and was fired immediately. I had been expecting it but I was not expecting to be informed the same day and told to leave my keys to the building. I did not really understand what was going on and I felt really awfully let down after all those group exercises about how we were a family.
Now I don't know what to do and my anxiety is driving me crazy. I'm failing tech tests I should pass and employers aren't being accommodating about adjustments at interview - one in particular is demanding I make a video of myself explaining my work and this is not something where I feel I understand what I'm being tested on - I don't want to be a presenter, I want to be a coder.
I'm going crazy. If I don't get a job before Christmas I won't be able to feed myself or my cat - my cat is the reason I've stayed alive really and I don't want to live without her. I don't want to go on Universal Credit either because I'm sick of the jobcentre. They are not subtle about how much they hate people like me and I don't like being around people who despise people who need help.
Hope you are OK and that your interview went well. Several news programmes today have had features about autistic adults because Anne Hegerty is on 'I'm a Celebrity...'
I just found an interview with her on the NAS website where she mentions employment issues - here is an extract:
"Our research shows that just 16% of autistic people are in full time paid work. Why do you think this is the case?
That doesn’t surprise me. I’m very fortunate that The Chase pays well enough that I can take the amount of time off that I need to take off. For most of my life, I just thought I was lazy or that I lacked energy. It’s just simply that if I’m stopped in the middle of something, it’s hard to get started again. I always remember the story of Oliver Sacks going to see Temple Grandin. He was on the phone to her and she was reading out directions to her house. He interrupted her and she started all over from the beginning. And he realised, let’s not interrupt the autistic person!
Basically, what happened was that everything was just grinding to a halt. I was just unable to get jobs finished. I went on benefits in 2008 for two years. I don’t know where I’d be if The Chase hadn’t suddenly happened."
This shows how tough it can be for autistic people to maintain steady employment. We would really benefit from a dedicated employment helpline staffed by people with career, autism and employment law expertise.
She seems really cool - I don't watch IAC tho - I can never watch that stuff!
I really empathize with not being able to start again if my concentration is broken - for me it is physically painful like a tearing in my head if I'm stopped. I find myself not being able to understand instructions as they're being given because I can't concentrate, so I just remember what people say and process it later. My doctor says I might have ADHD as well so I'm waiting for a test to come back, but I'm really annoyed because I wasn't ADHD as a child - and it wasn't kids who bullied me into a state where I'm afraid of paying attention because my concentration might be broken - it was teachers, jealous on behalf of their own kids at the same school, who just hated the fact I was so much brighter than their kids. I remember being screamed at for reading books and made to stay in at break because I had aced an exam so I needed to sit the higher exam.
I really agree about the employment helpline! Yesterday I had to sign on for Universal Credit and my Job Coach tried to help me with my disability by writing down some instructions - which was helpful - then reading the instructions along with her finger, in a very slow voice, which I complained about immediately.
The NAS used to offer a very brilliant service I used called 'Prospects' and I wish they would bring it back!
So pleased you spoke up about being patronised like that! One of my biggest fears about disclosing my diagnosis is that I am going to get the "does she take sugar?" response, people will talk to me v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y and my mean manager will micromanage every task she gives me.
I work best when I am given a brief and left to get on with it. Even tight deadlines don't bother me as long as I have the resources I need, a suitable environment to work in, and other people don't keep interrupting!
If someone wants to give me really complicated instructions I always ask them to email me - in the past they have sometimes made a fuss about this, now I can say it is a need not a want.
Have you seen the thread on Post Diagnosis support? Would be worth mentioning Prospects there.