Exactly what it says...
I'm so sorry folks. I didn't know what I was doing. I was so drunk.
I went to an AA meeting, which didn't really help, but it stopped me from drinking for 2 hours. I've drunk so much over the last couple of days that I can't even think straight any more. I'm due to go back to work on Tuesday, and I'm freaking out. Can't face the narcissist. Can't face the exhausting responsibility. I need to go to my GP tomorrow, and I promise I will. I know now that I need help. I've drunk two bottles of wine today because of the anxiety, and now I'm still drinking. I can't go on like this. I broke down in tears at the meeting. I want to live. But, at the same time, I hate my life.
Please... don't worry. I'll go to bed now and call my surgery in the morning. If it means going sick from work, it does.
Thank you all for your concerns. I assure you all I'm not attention-seeking. My head is simply in a complete mess.
I'm so grateful to you all. Ellie... thank you xxx
Martian Tom said:I assure you all I'm not attention-seeking.
That was the last thing on anyone's mind. People here want to help, although some of us don't feel good at it.
It did sound a few days ago like the demon drink was raising its head again. Would an AA mentor help? What's best for the work situation? Maybe there's some counselling available at short notice.
Hope you sleep it off OK.
Thanks, Cassandro. Yes... after a week of sobriety, it's really got its grips again. AA isn't really the place for me. It's known to be not really good for autistic people. Part of it stems from the 'alcoholic' having to accept that they are in the wrong, and therefore need to make amends to all the 'wronged' people. The only wronged person in my life is me. I shared at length tonight about my autism, and the effect it's had on my life, and the reasons I drink now - and, though I don't really get non-verbal communication, I could sense people switching off, as if they were thinking 'Oh, yes... another excuse to just carry on drinking.' It doesn't really help.
I'm going to get smashed tonight. It's the only way I want to be right now. So I'm going out for another can of beer. But that will be my last tonight. And tomorrow, I'm going to my doctor.