I have recently been told by my employer that I sometimes respond sharply to my colleague, this is normally when I'm trying to do other tasks. I dont mean to be rude is this my Aspergers or am I rude I am trying to alter my behaviour but find it difficult.
If someone asks me a question I answer it as quickly and concisely as I can. That just seems like good manners to me. It drives people nuts for some reason. Also if I don't know the answer to a question I'll say "I don't know". Would people really prefer me to talk rubbish for a while rather than saying " I don't know "? I try very hard to fit into the neurotypical world but I draw the line at wasting my own time talking a load of *** (he said abruptly).
I'm actually not bad at talking a load of ***. I've noticed other people doing it, so assume it's acceptable to speculate, mouth off, and so on merely to fill one's niche in the conversation.
I probably do find it hard to juggle two claims on my attention at once, so yes, I may be sharp, but rarely get complaints.
Stevie, do you have examples of things you have said that people thought were rude? Sometimes it's not what you say, but the way you say it, or the context.
It's the 'reciprocal social interaction' that they look for in tests, that sounds so simple and obvious that I can miss it.
In my case, I've noticed I can kill a conversation with people I don't know well. I may change the subject to something I'm interested in, and that's usually accepted. But sometimes I throw something directly relevant into a conversation, and anecdote or obscure but illuminating bit of information, and there's a silence, not because of what I've said, but because I didn't leave 'conversational openings'. This is a type of 'bluntness' that might cause minor offence or people putting one down as a bighead. I should probably have an open-ended question in mind when talking to avoid that awkwardness. (An objection to that is if it's something you're really interested in, you've probably already investigated the answer. That cannot be true all the time though, particularly about personal stuff, unless you're a stalker.)
Thank you for your reply, not so good at examples last week I was working hard on something I answered my colleague sharply and my boss pulled me up for it. I didn't even realise I'd done it, I'm now expected to change my behaviour so not to hurt my colleagues feelings I was also made to apologize still unsure what I did.
U shouldn’t have to “change your behaviour” if anything, if they know you aspergers than they should be making adjustments to support u. Ie pulling the person u spoke to a side and explain to them that it’s not ur intention to speak sharply or to hurt their feelings and to take it with a pinch of salt
Stevie1975 said:I was also made to apologize still unsure what I did
In a way then it's not resolved. Part of an apology is to say you won't do something again. If you don't know what you're not supposed to do, then it's unhelpful to both people.
I can think of one or two incidents where I've had this. Basically someone NT, knowing I'm autistic, has expressed only an emotion, being upset or uncomfortable, in reaction to something I'd said. They couldn't tell me why they felt that emotion, nor how they would like me to behave differently. I would probably have been happy to amend my behaviour if I'd known, but basically had to accept this.
So one can either go with some working hypothesis about being 'sharp' (for example, you expressed the need to be alone when they needed acceptance themselves, or gave an answer, without any 'frills' when they needed knowledge and an expression of equality); or try to get more information. If it's potentially all water under the bridge, you may not want to take the risk of aggravating the situation further by approaching the colleague directly or boss to mediate. Ideally it would be the colleague, but I wonder if you have spoken about it to people you trust yet to see if they recognise this 'sharpness' in you.