Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello
I'm really sorry if this is one of the boring questions that gets asked a thousand times. I got my diangostic report and I scored a 7 on the EQ test. I know the difference between cognitive, affective and compassionate empathy.
I'm sure that my affective and compassionate empathy is Ok. I am constantly feeling guilty. I care about humanity, animals and I have 6 children who are my whole world. I'm just a bit shocked by this score nevertheless.
I am VERY blunt. I am very literal and I can't always work out what other people are thinking. Working out what other people are thinking drives me crazy. I try to avoid doing it and I do what I do. I also try to stay away from people as much as I possibly can. I like a few people, thankfully one of them is my husband!! I experience all emotions except jealousy I don't really ever feel that.
I know the differences between the different kinds of empathy but it's not me I'm worried about. Other people don't know do they? Other people are still stuck in the dark ages and think Autistic people are devoid of any feeling.
I've had real mixed feelings about this diagnosis. At first it was like relief. Then it was like being liberated but slowly as I realise all the additional 'assumptions' this label is going to bring I'm not sure it's a great thing anymore. Or at least it is and it isn't.
I was hoping this diagnosis would bring me some understanding. I'm starting to wonder about that. Is it just going to bring me even more MISUNDERSTANDING if I share a report with a professional and they see my EQ score is a lowly SEVEN :O
I don't know, when you stick a label on yourself, suddenly everyone is an expert!! It's so tedious !
I'm not sure I can take much more misunderstanding to be honest with you!
I don't think the EQ measures empathy. Maybe someone should ask Simon Baron-Cohen if he thinks it does or whether 'Empathizing' was just a convenient word to balance against systemizing. I suppose it may be that many autistic people make moral choices based on general rules about harm and respect rather than depending on how they are feeling. That doesn't mean they can't feel what another person does once they know.
I think we need to turn 'cognitive empathy', which isn't empathy, into a different set of words that is more precise and more understandable to most people in everyday life, and for that matter any professionals who aren't autism researchers. It's been suggested that 'theory of mind' is instead called 'intuition of mind'. Did you do the 'reading the mind in the eyes' test? (I actually score better than the neurotypical average for this,) Is it that you don't understand non-verbal emotional cues in voice or gesture? I think that is something people might understand better without being tempted to make a moral judgement. Some of the questions in the AQ are also about understanding characters' intentions in fiction, which is a different thing again. Is that a learned skill?
I went through a similar arc following diagnosis, in that I was initially hopeful there would be support and understanding, but it took a few months to realise it wasn't coming any time soon. I'm quite careful how I use the label, and maybe prefer 'autistic' to AS more recently, as it gives people cause for thought about communication - I can obviously speak, so what is it I can't communicate? The fact is that no one knows what autism is, but it's the assumption that someone does that leads people to latch onto the last stereotype they came across.
Also, have you come across the 'double-empathy problem' as described by Damian Milton? In short, there's a lot of education that needs doing, at a personal and organisational level.
Yes I think the word empathy needs to be removed entirely!! I like things to be properly labelled and I don't think the mention of the word empathy conveys adequately what the real issue is!