Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone, my name is Louise and I live with my son David who is 29.
im new on here so apologies if this subject has already been discussed, there's a lot of stuff to look at.
David has never accepted his autism diagnosis and thinks that he can manage without help, but left to his own devices he does nothing. He won't engage with his GP, social worker and various other organisations that have been involved. I have been told that as he is over 18 and deemed to 'have capacity' to make his own decisions that nothing can be done. David is depressed and takes his anger and frustration out on me every day. I have health problems and suffer from depression and anxiety as a result.
Has anyone else had this problem and did they find a way round it'?
thanks in advance
Louise
Hi I'm 28 I live alone and I would speak up for him and any autistic person going through this *** forget autism he's a human being it doesn't matter what he's " got " or he hasn't if you were pestered morning noon n night by health care professionals and a mum that just wanted to say what if you can't or don't mange you'd feel you couldn't do anything either what I think you should do and I've got a Lot of Experience is go and talk him not NT to autistic but one person to another say your sorry you have given him Such a hard time say you have faith in him full stop ( everything about him ) next step is buy / or rent him a house away from social work and all the other ******** and visit him if Wants
to build him up with what I said in the above
If you've read this message as a Smack in the face to autism and the varying so called supportive health systems and problems solved from a humanitarian prospective your reading it correctly
I understand your the feeling hurt but what your doing is creating your own pains I understand you've built up this belief in what your doing and autism and health care professionals and all the rest of it but you've still got choice take a minute stand still wash all the words expectations away and Just Think About The Problem as a Person as a Human being think about what's best for you and your son I'm not saying it's going be a straight Path but it's gonna be a Hell of a Lot Easier than goning on the way you have been or you can feel well I've done this all my life I'm just gonna continue and you can take my words throw them in the bin and find something to discount me as person and open all the doors in your mind and fill up your head with worrys and feel safe you can just keep doing same thing or you can be very very brave and realise that there's no cure for autism there's no pill for it there's nothing the health care professionals are gonna do help most they'll do is give you a reassuring feel there doing " something "
At the end of the day it's your call but I just Find it Heart Breaking for both you and your and loads like you it's like any other part of history people cling to their beliefs they always think are So relevant at the time it's only in hind sight generations Later can see them for they are but if I went back in time and told people not to believe in the Catholic church when they ruled the world I'd be hammered into the ground which probably whats going to happen to me on this forum
but all I can do is try
[Edited by moderator]
Hi WackenWilly
Youve many valid points but from a parents perspective it’s so hard to sit back and watch loved ones not make the most of their lives, what parent wouldn’t want that for their child , ‘ neurotypical’ or not. That’s just a parent thing full stop.
I don’t see either of my sons solely as Autistics, I see them as people first and foremost, autism doesn’t define them. They are my sons, I don’t see anything wrong with them and I wouldn’t change them. That doesn’t mean I can’t try and encourage them to make their lives better. I always tell them it’s their choice and their lives to live it the way they want, but, I’ll admit it’s hard.
I’m in no position financially to set either of them up in places of their own, we live in London and it’s exceptionally difficult to find housing anyway, but neither of them want to move out yet.
Im trying my best in difficult circumstances, I have two autistic sons. One refuses help from outside services and the other sees it as a positive thing. They’re unique and individual just like their needs are and I treat them as such.
Mutterinnittrr and Wackenwilly
I can see where you are each coming from. I never was a parent but I have been a teacher, full of pastoral concern and all that.
I was hinting that before, the parental concern thing can be so easily construed as No Faith. I have no confidence in you. I got that from my parents, then after returning from my first stint abroad, things really blew up and I ended up not speaking to my dear mother for over two years. There seemed to be no respect for me as an adult whatsoever. It did not help that one orvzwo other family members also ganged up and joined in the general stone throwing.
The complaints then and then about staying in my room being blind to dress codes ( it was an artistic choice, not about being colour blind, or a tard thank you very much!!!). It did seem to me all that often that not voting Conservative were signs that I must be unhinged. They had no faith.
Your son must have his confidence shot to pieces on all this, in a world where doing hoops and being packaged as we kind of damaged goods commodity mudtreally be like the most grievious kind of kick to the nuts imaginable.
I can see why he would dislike being labelled via the A word too, but again all I would say is that he may in time find his way on his own terms, only he can do this, and only passive support will help him.