Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone, my name is Louise and I live with my son David who is 29.
im new on here so apologies if this subject has already been discussed, there's a lot of stuff to look at.
David has never accepted his autism diagnosis and thinks that he can manage without help, but left to his own devices he does nothing. He won't engage with his GP, social worker and various other organisations that have been involved. I have been told that as he is over 18 and deemed to 'have capacity' to make his own decisions that nothing can be done. David is depressed and takes his anger and frustration out on me every day. I have health problems and suffer from depression and anxiety as a result.
Has anyone else had this problem and did they find a way round it'?
thanks in advance
Louise
Hi
This sounds a lot like my elder son (I have two sons both diagnosed on ASD) ,. Hes almost 22, hardly leaves his room and doesnt engage in any services or accept help from various organisations or GP., he doesnt have a social worker anymore. He admits hes depressed but also refuses to seek help. Hes very bright but dropped out of Uni where he was doing aComputer Science Degree. Its hugely frustrating and depressing! i completely get where youre coming from.
Hi, I'm really sorry to hear this Do,you get any support as a carer like respite or supportive family members? How do you see,the future? Are you prepared to be there for your son long term or do,you feel like me that somethings got to change? Is he abusive to you and do you have a life away from him at all?
Hi Geordielou
Thanks got your reply.
He’s had support workers but he’s absolutely hated it. One came once and he refused to see her again after that. He had another one for just over a year and only just about tolerated his visits and input. He’s hugely against any sort of help and I’ve never been able to get to the bottom of why.
I am prepared, if needed, to be there for him but I’d much prefer for him to be more independent and have a decent fulfilling life, He’s got a lot going for him and to offer.
His only output is that he volunteers doing some comp stuff at the local hospice once a week but it’s only for 3 hrs one afternoon apart from that, he doesn’t leave his room. His younger brother, also diagnosed with ASD. but is more ‘functional’ , he tries to encourage him to go out with him etc but he refuses.
Hes waiting on CBT that is Autism specific and I’m hoping this will help him.
Hes never violent towards myself, or anyone else, in fact he has a very placid nature.
I do have time for myself, yes, but not any family near by, as neither myself or my ex husband are native to London. I’ve a supportive partner and friends though, thank goodness!
Oh god! It’s so depressing, not only for him but for yourself! My elder son is awake all night too and wakes around 3/4 in the afternoon! It’s absolutely soul destroying to see someone you love not making the most of their lives and point blank refusing any help or advice! I worry so much about both my boys futures! I truly feel for you both! xxx
Hi Tracey, he has no friends and rarely goes out. He joined a drama group a few weeks ago and met a girl but he was obsessive about her and it ended. He's been depressed ever since. He rarely goes out anyway but things have nosedived. His drama group, work placement and home maths tuition have all ended in the last few weeks. He showers once a week and wanders round the flat partially dressed. He doesn't get up till 4pm and is awake all night, he has no routine to sort out his sleep xxx
Hi Louise
Thet must be really hard on you.
Does he go out or have any friends?
Tracey xx
Hi Tracey, sorry about the delay. I have no support at all. Friends and family give me advice but when I'm at home it's just me and my son.
Louise x
I have heard of it and, yeah, perhaps he does. Funnily enough though, it sounds like my younger son in a more ways, especially when he was a child.
I also mentioned to my elder son about joining this site but he refused. He’s not in denial about his diagnosis but I do feel there may be an element of embarrassment about it, especially when he sees his friends finishing Uni, moving on and doing things with their lives.
Do you have much in the way of support around you?
Tracey
Hi, it sounds like your son has PDA too, have you heard of this before?
https://autisticmotherland.com/2018/05/23/pda/
Its good that you have some support around you.