Having all the pieces

Exactly. Comparing ourselves to others is insane. It’s truly insane. And there’s proof of that. You don’t have to look far to witness the outstanding achievements of people who have no limbs etc. and then look at somebody who appears to have everything and blows it all. Who are we going to compare ourselves against? I would rather compare myself with some of these truly outstanding people and do my best, every day, to achieve the same level of life within me. But our society is based on this as its foundation. In India, they think it’s a joke if you mention being left handed. It’s just not something that exists in their society because which hand you use for certain things, is life, they don’t question it. In our society, people cannot imagine that we’re all equal, that we get no benefit from comparing ourselves to each other, in the negative way we do. It’s like they can’t even begin to imagine that we really are all equal and we are so into each other’s business, it’s insane. But we do it, over and over again, expecting different result, which is the very definition of insanity. We’re taught and conditioned to be insane, lol! My neighbour, the crack head (said with no disrespect) said to me when I asked him what drugs he was taking ~ I’m not really taking drugs, I’m only taking crack!!!! Because he compares himself to smack heads, the lowest of the low - that’s not my opinion, I used to be a smack head. But that’s how it rolls, he looks at smack heads and says I’m ok because I’m not as bad as that, until he’s lucky enough to progress to that level or he dies or gets killed. We had a stabbing last week. 

He can carry on comparing himself, favourably, in his mind, from here to eternity, but it won’t make him happy, because happiness is when we stop comparing ourselves to others. My heart breaks for him, but I’m saved by the bell of knowing, that life, is always exactly as it should be, it’s always perfect to such precision, that you can count on it. If only he knew. I did my best. 

Yes, exactly. My whole life, every living moment, is devoted to service to others, and it’s not only a truly heartwarming life, it’s also a great privilege, the greatest of all. But our greatest priority is to ourselves, and unless we are 100% happy in ourselves, we cannot and must not attempt to give anything, to anybody, ever, unless someone drops down ill in front of you and you can’t do what my first reaction is in that situation, to make someone else deal with it, if you can’t do that, obviously in that situation you would provide help. But otherwise, if we aren’t 100% happy in ourselves, then every person in our lives, without exception, is simply an opportunity for us to deflect outwards anything that is not happy within us. So, they are, in effect, our drugs, or more accurately, our efforts to avoid finding out who we are and facing our problems or whatever we think it is that makes us not 100% happy. The ego has to die to gain freedom to realise there is no freedom, it’s just an illusion. Our only job in this life is to help others. That’s not as dull or as arduous as it sounds, because most people don’t want help and it’s unfair to try to help somebody who doesn’t want it. It’s like waking them up, and nobody likes to be woken up. And there’s no scales here of how ‘good’ a life is or how ‘bad’ it is. Life is life, that never changes. And we are where we are and when you get there, to 100% happiness, you realise, it was all always perfect, exactly as it was, it couldn’t be anything else. 

He stops comparing himself to others worrying what he has not and not who he is...he lives in the moment

So some kind of self actualisation or epiphany? .... or as you state we become true when we devote ourselves to others and become selfless and lose ego? 

I can’t wait to get the book to look at the pictures. I got an excellent copy of the audio which takes you through the book after the story’s finished so even if the kids don’t get excited and love it, I will! 

Spending time with the kids has been a love hate thing over the past year or so but now I’m coming out of it, I’m making a specific day, each week to look after them and I’ve already bought loads of stuff to do. I’ve bought loads of things for the garden so we can do circuits - we all like that and some more art stuff so we’ve got loads to do inside as well but I’m most excited about getting velveteen rabbit book! I’m always on the look out for empowering and inspirational books for kids and I get them singing the song, something inside so strong, out loud, so they get it drilled into their brains that they can achieve anything they can dream of and put their minds to. 

Well, the way I see it (after listening to that story) is we become really real when we leave these bodies. We become real, just like the rabbit did when people love us and it’s real, and beautiful but it’s nothing compared to what’s waiting for us when we become real real rabbits. I reckon where we are now is heaven on earth and when we leave our bodies, we go to paradise. Until we decide to come back again! Although that could be linked in to karma because did you notice how when the rabbit became real for the first time, he was happy, but in service to the boy but when he became real the second time, he was so free and happy that he jumped around on those hind legs, just because he could. 

Yeah, looking back now, it makes sense that I fought so hard to hold on to at least some level of control, when I’ve lived in a world that I never fully understood and felt I had little control over. To let people see any weakness was like death, it’s like it would open me up to abuse that I wouldn’t be able to defend myself against so I think, without realising it (word of the day, apparently!!) I couldn’t let go fully. But after losing every ounce of a routine, it was utterly clear, that I absolutely needed help and that I wasn’t ever going to get out of this burn out, without it and that thought must have scared me more than loosing complete control or at least surrendering completely, therefore making me open and receptive to help. 

In my experience, it was certainly the case, that when the student was ready, the teacher appeared. And the time it took me to get to that point, doesn’t matter, because I can see now, that’s it’s not something that can be rushed. It happens in its own time. And it doesn’t matter how long it takes because when it happens, the past fades into its rightful place, in the past and we are left with only now and a future we really do have control over so we don’t have to take back that constant intense level of self control that drains us. 

Psst... you’re stuffing is just showing a little there! x

i hope your granddaughter enjoys, she is a very lucky youngling

So, ..., are you a real rabbit? With wellies? 

Yeah, this community was a life saver for me, literally, if you remember when I first came here, but it’s far more than that. In the beginning, I still, to some degree, somehow saw this community as somehow not quite real because it’s online and so maybe not as relevant as other types of (offline) relationships, but I don’t see it like that at all anymore. I mean, come on, I can sit safely, in my own little sanctuary, in solitude, and communicate via my preferred method of communication with people who are not only just like me but who are also super knowledgeable, Uber interesting and so supportive, not to mention funny, so how could this not be perfect, real and relevant! 

I bought the velveteen rabbit audio, the other day by the way, thank you. It took me about a week or so to actually listen to it (one of my weird aspie things) but when I did, I loved it and I’m going to buy the book so me and my grandchildren can listen to it together while looking at the book. So thank you so much for that recommendation, I love it and I especially love that it wasn’t too long as my concentration span is very long at the moment. So yeah, big thumbs up for that one. 

that help only came after I got to a place where I absolutely could not deny it any longer, I really did need help. I think before that, I was still holding on to an element of control, without realising it and without realising it, (for me) I had to lose that before I was I truly open to the support.

soooooooo relating to this..., BluRay... beautifully put x

I love that Cassandro ~ ‘inter-office communication’ ~ I’ve never heard of that before but it describes it perfectly. I’ll be going around telling everyone now, that I lack inter-office communication! Lol! No, sorry, I can’t possibly do that, I lack inter-office communication! 

What I meant by having all the pieces, in relation to me right now, is I’ve now got a ‘support network’ (I love saying that because I never knew what it meant before now!) but I don’t know how to fit them altogether to make a life. But I’ve just left my support worker and we’ve got a little plan for me for the coming week. It’s not too much and there’s no pressure, so if I don’t follow it, it’s ok, we can adjust or whatever as we go so I don’t feel under pressure and even if I do it, I’ve still got tons of time to be in my own little world and I don’t feel completely out of touch with the rest of the world because I feel like I’ve been given this time as my time, so it’s like it’s ok. 

Yeah, I hope that my neighbour gets some support. He admitted to me that he lives in absolute fear and terror from these drug dealers etc who terrorise him and I don’t think anyone would listen to him even if he did tell people. My son won’t listen to me talking about him, he just says he’s a druggie and brings it all on himself. Yet I know that he’s far more than that. He’s a really beautiful kind loving innocent intelligent person who has no idea how to be in this world but with the right support, he would be a wonderful person and he’d make a fabulous employee in a job that he could thrive in. I dream of a world where nobody has to resort to taking drugs etc just to be able to be ok in the world. 

Haha ~ that made me smile, re, they need a supplement, of, well, food! Lol! But honestly, when you go for more than 24 hours without food and water, as a conscious choice, you suddenly realise what good health really is. Fasting takes your health to a whole new level. My last fast was a mostly hard dry fast. So no food or water for 3 days and the first 2 were a hard dry fast which means you don’t even wash your face. You don’t have contact with any water at all. Then the third day my friend came to see me so I brushed my teeth and had a little wash. But honestly, not only do we not need food and water but when we go without, our health goes to a whole new level and all your organs start working in the way they were designed to work. When you dry fast, you can see in your urine how well your kidneys are working. And  when I fast I have so much energy that I have to go on random bike rides just to burn off some energy. My mind is crystal clear and as sharp as a button (even though buttons aren’t generally sharp!). I’m currently having to eat potatoes every day with my fruits and salads as they help to lessen my energy and ground me but as my life gets busier and I’m doing more daily exercise, I’ll be able to transition to breatharianism full time. 

I’m a Metaphysician and raw food coach. I don’t promote breatharianism or a fully raw food vegan diet but I do help people to successfully transition to a diet that supports their health goals. It can be a complex process, which is where my Metaphysics comes in and I would never suggest an ‘ideal’ diet for anybody, each person has to come to that understanding themselves, which they do, but it can take some time, which is perfectly ok. So if you ever need any tips or you just want to talk about it, just let me know and I’d be happy to help if I can. 

And yes, one day somebody absolutely will, 100% guaranteed, be able to help you to put the pieces together. It took 51 years of actively searching, with an open mind, for me to finally get the right support. And after some moments of gentle sadness and utter despair, the previous 51 years are now fading into the past because afterall, I’ve got the only thing I’ve ever really wanted all my life, an understanding of who I am and somebody, just one person, who could help me. But for me, that help only came after I got to a place where I absolutely could not deny it any longer, I really did need help. I think before that, I was still holding on to an element of control, without realising it and without realising it, (for me) I had to lose that before I was I truly open to the support. It took a little over 6 months after that before I got the support but for that 6 months I had an excellent support worker but she could only take me so far because of her lack of understanding of autism, but it’s almost like she prepared me for the support I’m getting now so I can make the most of it. I’ve already learned so much and progressed so much in only four weeks. I’m still gobsmacked by it all to be honest, to finally get the help I always needed, after all these years. And she’s a young girl but she understands autism and she totally supports my individual needs. I think she’s my inter-office management system! 

Cassandro said:

what Temple Grandin calls a lack of 'inter-office communication'

Mine is sometimes more like “out of office”

Who are you hoping will help you? ... and, how long will you wait?

I am a puzzle and I am made of pieces that don't really fit to anyone else's "picture"....

So, like you, I try to make my own picture... but people are always so fixated that it must conform to the picture on their box!

I have dear friends who I do feel I can "be myself" with and this community helps a lot in that respect in working out the shape of each piece and what fits with what.... also, that it's okay not to always fit as that is what makes us unique.

having the balls to run with that in an NT combat zone (aka. Offline) is something I still have to master

Sort of. But it's probably been the same most of my life before diagnosis. It feels like I have most mental faculties that a typically developing person would (and a fair amount of long-term self-awareness) but they don't all work together. I suppose I can related that to what psychologists mean by 'weak central coherence' or strong bias to local processing, and what Temple Grandin calls a lack of 'inter-office communication'.  How you put them together maybe is an individual thing, which is why people don't like to interfere, but maybe some of the pieces in my case are too large or too small and they just don't fit together. I still have the belief that someone will be able to help me make sense of things, but it's taking a while...

Good to hear you could provide a listening ear to your neighbour, and that sounds mutually rewarding. Hope he can get some professional support too.

extremist (currently in training to be a breatharian)

That is extreme. I'm contemplating veganism and just researching B12 supplements, but as a rationalist I have to suggest breatharians need a supplement of, well, food.