To Disclose or Not?

“It will be about stating the obvious, about acknowledging the elephant in the room”

nuff said...

.... said the Elephant

:) 

i exist... this is who I am x

Love this :)

I can 'pass' as NT. It wears me out, but I can. I did it for years. 
I have to say, though, I am a much happier person since I made the decision to always disclose.

I share articles about autism on my social media. I talk about being autistic in casual conversation, when it's relevant, even with people I don't know well. At work (I'm in education) when talking about pupils on the spectrum and things they might do or experience differently, or things that might help them, I always say "We sometimes feel X. We might do Y".

It was hard to stop passing at first, but I successfully trained myself to be super matter-of-fact about it and it definitely improved my life.

I find myself a lot more accepted for who I am, rather than who I can pretend to be on a good day. People almost always make accommodations easily and without fuss. I don't get so many negative responses when I slip up socially or am obviously struggling with sensory issues, and I feel less stressed for not anticipating them. I feel I can make much closer and more honest friendships- I have a partner and a good number of friends now who I know I can absolutely rely on and be myself around.

Plus I'm visible and I'm known to be very open to discussing it if people ask- I hope that helps the people around me to understand autism better and will make things easier for us in the long run. 

I disclosed my autism on my first application form for two jobs, and got both of them. I can pass as NT, but it stresses me out. Plus, how can I ask for reasonable adjustments at work if I haven’t disclosed? I got tired of hiding it and I disclose if I need something or just to explain why I’m being odd/quiet/etc. 

There are a number of reasons why I prefer to always disclose and they include:

• honesty with myself and others
• the more society is made aware of autism the better society's understanding and the better we will be treated (although that is going to be a very slow process)
• helping to avoid the need to pretend to be NT and thus eliminating the related side effects (or at least reducing them because attempting to act as an NT is a difficult habit to break)
• reasonable adjustments when, for example, visiting a dentist or hospital** and in the workplace

** As an example: when I needed weekly blood tests the system was first come, first served (a terrible system for someone with Asperger's). I mentioned to my care co-ordinator the anxiety this was causing and she suggested I mention I have Asperger's and ask for a time slot. I spoke with the phlebotomy department's receptionist and, whilst she could not allocate me a time slot, she arranged for me to be seen straight away each week (this was almost the same as a time slot as I reached the department at the same time each week).

I also find disclosure a good way of "working out" people (something I am useless at); if disclosure creates a negative impact then I know they are not the sort of people I want to deal with at present. I do not disclose as soon as I meet someone (unless it is in, say, a hospital environment) and there are people who I have yet to disclose to because we only ever say "hello" or have the occasional very short chat.

With regards to work, the one employer who was told (by a union rep before I had an official diagnosis) was already treating me badly due to my depression (hence the union involvement). Since then I only done voluntary work and the response has been fine; the problem I faced was a lack of understanding about autism. The manager of my first job (which I held for over 16 years until the division relocated) thought I had autism but never told me that at the time (and I had no idea as I was not diagnosed until 11 years after I left that job) and she always treated very well.

Can I ask why you always disclose?  Genuine question as I'm unsure what to do since I've recently been diagnosed.

i can pass as NT but it exhausts me doing this.  I have 3 friends who I've known for a very long time and I reluctantly told them my diagnosis and they have been great which suprised me.  I don't know whether I should tell new people that I meet, for example I have met someone recently who clearly wants to become friends... I'm not sure what to do - I feel it would be deceitful not to tell them.

As for work,  how do people treat you when they know?

DragonCat16 said:

I think it could be read as:

If you can pass for neurotypical, don't disclose. Otherwise, disclose. At work or school, if you're ok with being discriminated against, don't disclose. If you're not, and you have the energy to take them to court, disclose.

I agree with Robert124's statement that 'it all depends on the context, circumstances and personalities involved'.

I prefer to always disclose but I accept that not everybody takes the same view.

I think it could be read as:

If you can pass for neurotypical, don't disclose. Otherwise, disclose. At work or school, if you're ok with being discriminated against, don't disclose. If you're not, and you have the energy to take them to court, disclose.

I think if I ever make any friends (who aren't autistic themselves), I think I would tell them. It's an interesting topic of conversation, at least. If they dump me for being autistic, they weren't really my friends to start with. Since I have some serious issues with knowing who I can and can't trust, that approach would kill two birds with one stone.

Interesting reading, this and the links.  I find psychology today articles easy to read and understand.   But no clear answers to the question whether to disclose or not.  It all depends on the context, circumstances and personalities involved.