Published on 12, July, 2020
Yet again I have had another shutdown at work and have been sent home.
I was off work before Christmas due to the shutdowns and started to feel better after a few weeks. I have only been back at work for just over 3 days and I have had another one.
As a result, I am now worrying about my security in my job and the prospect of finding another job in a similar role. Since my shutdowns have become worse, the director of my department no longer speaks to me and I have yet to see the follow-up from occupational health. My boss appears to be supportive, but I am aware I am bringing little value to the company at the moment.
My confidence is currently really low and I am frustrated I can't manage things better. There seems to be no help and support as I am considered to be very HF and so don't qualify for adjustments, support, guidance etc.
I was wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation and whether you manage to get the help and support you need?
I am worried about my employment as I have a hefty mortgage to pay with no financial support from family etc. I can't afford to lose my job as I have been down this route before and ended up being homeless.
Sorry for ramblings and lack of cohesion, my anxiety is very high and I still haven't recovered properly.
Thanks for your contribution everyone as you have helped me with some really useful information, as well as helped me to put things into perspective. I have been offline for a few days just to get my head together, but the recommendations on apps, biorhythms etc. are all things I am exploring to help me understand what is happening better. Sadly, I am not good at recognising my emotions, so this is something that needs more time and practice.
I am now trying to be more positive and I have taken some active steps to address things at work as well as they haven't honored some items that they said they would follow-up on. I think I have realised how bad I actually was last week in general before the shutdown, and I am still feeling fragile in some ways now, but trying to handle it better. (sensory sensitivity becomes more of an issue following a shutdown)
My brain is a bit mashed following work so I am going to keep it at that now to save mindless ramblings that don't make sense to anyone.
I’m exactly where you are Starbuck. I think many of us are. You’re not alone, and trust me, you’re holding up better than some of us.
The ap is helping me trendiest. It’s still a slow slow process, but I’m getting there slowly. With the tremendous help of you guys.
So thank you to you Starbuck, for helping me get clearer on my thinking.
My victory for the day. Is that I discovered that I can’t eat and drink on the same day. Some days I can do neither. But I noticed, that the migraines weren’t so severe, when I drank instead of eating. And that I find it easier to drink, rather than eat. I noticed that I wasn’t as anxious about drinking and it is easier to get a drink of water than it is food.
I immediately remembered, that I have in my cupboard, some high quality, simply delicious, chocolate protein drinks. I also remembered I had some soya milk in the fridge. I then temembered I had almond butter and chia seeds. It’s unusual for me to have any milk and for me to be able to think, independent, about what to eat. I put these ingredients together in a smoothy and I can’t tell you how delicious it was. Strike one. I can now drink a smoothy, which is easier than food and obviously not as good as fresh food, but it’s not junk, but it’s a start.
I can barely tell the difference between happy and sad, or even what to do in a morning after I wake up. I used to have a full time job, and now, going to the job centre once a week is overbearing.
It’s a slow process, but you’re doing a good job. Take care of yourself and don’t give yourself a hard time. But don’t minimise the difficulties either. They’re real struggles, whether they can be explained succinctly or not, but we understand each other, which means we can support each other. We’re not alone. Lots of tlc. X