Totally Stuck and Need Practical Help and Some TLC

All my life I haven't quite fitted in, and I was hoping I was finally going to get a clear answer to what the problem is. Although the signs pointed to it being Aspergers, I didn't really care what the outcome was, as long as it was something clear and concise, so I could tell people what it is in a few words, and have clarity for my own benefit. Apparently I show some features of ASD, especially in social interaction, but "don't meet the full criteria for an ASD diagnosis". Reading through the relevant parts of DSM5, I tend to agree with that, but I find a lot more that fits when I read other stuff that's written about ASD. I also have "features of low mood and anxiety, especially social anxiety and some traits of anxious avoidant personality". Despite really struggling to get things done, I apparently don't have a deficit in executive functioning, and that problem is due to low mood. I thought low mood was something you were supposed to see your GP about if you had it for more than a couple of weeks, but I've had it for about 60 years!

I'd already pretty much switched off from the world while I was waiting for my assessment, and in the 18 months since getting the results I've switched off even more, so I now have almost no contact with anyone except my dog. How can I tell people that I've got a little bit of this, and a little bit of that, but haven't really got anything? I doubt if anyone would take me seriously. But I'm totally stuck, and can't see any future except being alone, lonely and struggling to cope, for the rest of my life. I've almost run out of energy, and hope, to keep going. Looking back, I can see that my life has been gradually falling apart for decades, and I'm now at the point where I'm in a situation I can't get out of without some serious practical help. I've never had a serious relationship, and don't think I've ever had any really close friends, but I need the sort of help and support I think only a partner or very close friends can give.

I can't go into detail, but the biggest problem I have at the moment relates to my house. If I sell, I'll lose a lot of money that I need to buy a decent home elsewhere, but if I stay I need to spend a lot of money doing it up, that will have to come from money that's effectively part of my barely adequate pension. At 62, I need a massive boost in my ability to cope with life to be able to earn much, if any, money. I totally freaked out an advisor at the CAB about 5 years ago with problem as it was then, who didn't have a clue where to start with the two lever arch files of paperwork I showed him!

At about the lowest point of my life, where I have almost no contact with other people, I think I need to fall in love for the first time, which might give me the energy I need to sort out the problems myself. Or I need a lot of hands on practical (and non judgmental) help to work out options, and carry them out, mostly involving building work and my personal finances. This really brings out what I'm sure is one of the biggest problems with me, my inability to make close connections with people, as all ideas I have for resolving things fall into a big black hole when I try to think about how I can get other people involved. I can't see that this type of support is available anywhere. So what can I do?

Parents
  • I am no expert but it reads as though you are suffering from depression (there may be other issues but that one stands out from reading you post) and I would suggest making an appointment with your GP. Mind's 'Information and Support' web page is also good place to look for help:
    https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/

    I also recommend the Start2 website (http://www.start2.co.uk/). One aspect of the site which I have found invaluable is the well-being thermometer, which allows you to log, measure and understand your own patterns of well-being.

    The ICD-10 is the most commonly used diagnostic manual in the UK. ICD-11 is expected this year and is likely to reflect more closely DSM-5.

    To quote the misdiagnosis section of NAS' 'Autism Profiles and Diagnostic Criteria' web page (http://www.autism.org.uk/about/diagnosis/criteria-changes.aspx):
    One of the most common mistakes made by clinicians lacking autism experience is to make a number of observations that don’t take the issues related to autism into account.

    Sometimes they may observe issues such as a person's clumsiness (possible dyspraxia), reading difficulty (possible dyslexia), poor attention span (possible Attention Deficit Disorder), difficulty with social communication (semantic pragmatic disorder or social communication disorder), mental health issues, or behavioural issues and diagnose that as the main condition. They may miss the fact that autism is underlying the obvious difficulties seen on the surface.

    If you don't understand, or have concerns about, the diagnosis that you or your child are given, discuss this with the professional who made the diagnosis. You can ask for a second opinion, and you have the right to complain if you're not happy about any aspect of referral, diagnosis or care that you or your child receive from an NHS service.

    It is difficult to make practical suggestions about your house based on the provided information, however, have you considered moving to another area or even country within the UK (where house prices are cheaper)? Take a look at Prime Location (https://www.primelocation.com/for-sale/), for example, and look at places such as Scotland.

    Hopefully, other people will also contribute and provide other options and suggestions.

  • Caretwo's advice about possible misdiagnosis and getting a second opinion is fantastic advice. Perhaps if you contact the NAS helpline they could further advise you about pursuing this route too.

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