Difficult to write this

First my condolences, my dad died a few years back and it's not something you come to terms with quickly or easily, but you will get through it.

PW13579 said:

How do I deal with this? 

The only answer I can really give you to that is "In your own way", we all have to find the way that fits for us, that allows us to process the situation, come to terms with the emotions and keep moving in life. I had lots to get on with that the time, helping my mum with probate, being around family etc and that kept me busy, then into work, I also had some incredibly sad evenings, weekends where I felt it like a great weight on me but over time you adjust. 

It's always shock first, you'll likely feel anger at some point, at life in general, at your mum, at doctors etc. and that's natural, there's sadness, emptiness and many other feelings as well but you will move forward with it at your own pace and things will get easier.

I too wish to offer my condolences. 

https://www.cruse.org.uk/  I found Cruse was a rock for me. 

You will most probably find that amongst the grief , the time preparing for your mother’s funeral will be painful but also a bit of a bubble, whilst you attend to practical arrangements and things which have to be done. After that like others have said, loss and grief is different for everyone but as Mattbucks says you will most likely have a range of emotions at different times. But at the moment just deal with one day or task at a time. There are other threads on the forum on death and funerals because we all react differently and want to approach things differently. I am very intense and I cried exhaustively, slept badly , dreamt vividly and needed to be involved in every aspect of my mum’s funeral but for others this is not the case whatever way it is for you is “ok”. In my case I needed to vent emotionally somewhere that wouldn’t upset my relatives so Cruse was so supportive for me. They understand grief very well and remain calm and caring whilst they listen. Be patient and kind to yourself. If you need to be with family do that or alone do that and if you need to see your mother at rest do that. Follow your instincts if you can identify them. 

I too wish to offer my condolences. 

https://www.cruse.org.uk/  I found Cruse was a rock for me. 

You will most probably find that amongst the grief , the time preparing for your mother’s funeral will be painful but also a bit of a bubble, whilst you attend to practical arrangements and things which have to be done. After that like others have said, loss and grief is different for everyone but as Mattbucks says you will most likely have a range of emotions at different times. But at the moment just deal with one day or task at a time. There are other threads on the forum on death and funerals because we all react differently and want to approach things differently. I am very intense and I cried exhaustively, slept badly , dreamt vividly and needed to be involved in every aspect of my mum’s funeral but for others this is not the case whatever way it is for you is “ok”. In my case I needed to vent emotionally somewhere that wouldn’t upset my relatives so Cruse was so supportive for me. They understand grief very well and remain calm and caring whilst they listen. Be patient and kind to yourself. If you need to be with family do that or alone do that and if you need to see your mother at rest do that. Follow your instincts if you can identify them.