College: to leave or not to leave?

Can I ask everyone’s opinion on the issue of permanently leaving education? And if anyone can share their experience of this?

my son is temporarily out of college due to mental health problems. He is autistic and he has Selective Mutism in educational settings. The stress of the pandemic, the lockdowns meaning he was out of college for a long time and other life events have meant that when he returned to college he found it more difficult to cope with than ever (and he has always seriously struggled with school and college). His social anxiety was extreme and he found going back to having Selective Mutism in the college environment virtually unbearable. We asked for more help and support from the college but they weren’t able to offer much more - certainly no specialist support of any kind. So he stopped going in - and then they said he couldn’t return this year as he’d already missed too much of his course. He was relieved really because he couldn’t face going back at this point anyway. 

the idea is that he will start again at the same college in September. But today he has said that he doesn’t want to go back at all. The problem is he doesn’t know what else to do instead of going back to college. I don’t really know how to advise  him or where to go for advice to try to help him. 

I’m not sure of what other educational options there are (or where to find out about them, and I also don’t know how he would get on out of education altogether. Could it be a case of ‘out of the frying pan into the fire’? He’d certainly lose his EHCP - and that worries me as it seems to be the only protection he has in terms of using it to get help or support. 

I feel so confused - and so does he. Part of me worries that he’s just withdrawing from the world to avoid anxiety - and I know from my own experience (I’m autistic too) that the more you withdraw from the world the more frightened and isolated you become. I don’t want him to end up hiding from everything as I know he won’t be happy doing that because he’s told me that he really wants friends, a girlfriend, a life. 

Has anyone else had experience of this sort of situation? What did you do? 

thanks 

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  • Thank you so much for this reply Jamie - it’s really helpful. I need to think about all you’ve said here. Sometimes we just feel overwhelmed by it all - because myself and my husband (and my eldest son too) are all autistic we do struggle to navigate all of this. My youngest son has never got the level of help he really needed throughout his whole education - ever since he developed Selective mutism when he started school at four and a half. He’s been poorly served by the system - and now his mental health is poor because of years of struggle. 

    its not been about education for us as a family for years - it’s just become us trying to see if my son can be happy. He’s not happy now - that’s for sure. 

    I’m so grateful for your advice - as we’ve started to ‘give up’ (both my son and myself) and I know we shouldn’t. My son deserves a life that is fulfilling and that he can enjoy. We are just very tired and cynical at this point. He has depression and it’s very hard to engage him in conversations about his options (and to be honest I’m not clear what his options actually are). 

    I will think about all you’ve said.

    thank you Pray