I appreciate I am posting under the 'Parents and carers' category. I am neither, however, I am married to an aspie and I just need some help. 

I would be very grateful if someone could point me in the direction of all the other frazzled husbands/wives?

I've been married a year and a half, we moved in together when we got married (not due to tradition, but due to commitments that prevented our co-habiting sooner).

A couple of WEEKS after moving in I asked myself: 'who is this selfish, uncaring, unsympathetic, I'm-always-right, rude, arrogant man, and where the HELL is my husband??'

A confusing, emotional and unbearable year passed (no, there was no 'honeymoon period' for us), and we finally have the answer (I'll give you a hint, it starts with 'A' and rhymes with blasperger's)

Since then I've read books and really brushed up on my knowledge of the big 'A'. I'm still mourning the life I expected to live when I got married. It's very, very sad. I now have a completely different view of the man I married and it breaks my heart. He's someone else entirely now. But things are getting better. The last 6 months have been amazing. It's so hard trying to forget everything I know about communication and starting again, and even harder to view things from his perspective, but I'm getting there. 

Tonight, however, is a turning point. I need help. It's the first night I'm not sleeping in the same bed as him. Because of his sensory issues, I've not been able to read a book or peruse my laptop before bed in all the time we've been married. He point blank refuses to wear an eye-mask and ear-buds because they irritate him too much. I haven't slept well recently so now I have to sleep in a different room until I sort it out. 

Ugh, please I just need help to cope with this. I'm 25 and sleeping in a single bed. This isn't RIGHT!!!

  • Hi Supercheese,

    I am neither neurotypical nor married, but I want you to know how common this situation seems to be. I recently started seeing someone from the ADHD and Asperger's Team, and she said to my mum, "Nine times out of ten it's the men that are the problem." Since joining up here I've seen that she's right. Have a browse, you'll see countless unfortunate women complaining about men like my dad.

    Oh, my dad. I could go on forever. He has a split personality - you never know which version of him's going to march through the door. He talks to me in what I call his lord of the manor voice, and thinks that just by inviting me to ask to play a game with him any time (heck, no!) that's the supportive father box ticked.

    A couple of years ago I had to do a Speaking and Listening assessment, which I was really struggling with. My lovely teacher was so supportive and gave me five attempts in all, and I finally succeeded on the last one. But after the third attempt, my dad demanded to come into my room, and made it clear he thought I wasn't trying hard enough. My mum was so cross with him, especially since she'd told him NOT to talk to me about it.

    Vent all you need to! We feel your pain!

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