Help me with my 18 year old daughter

Thanks *nas69820* a really positive story for me to hang onto, I appreciate you taking the time to reply. I did ask DD yesterday if she was depressed and she looked at me like I had two heads and gave a stroppy no reply... Not sure what more I can do, she refuses to go to the Drs, i have tried getting other family members to talk to her but that hasn't worked either. Your experience is really helpful, thank you for posting 

It's really great news! Small, big glimpses of the future that bode well. I am really happy for you

no problem

Aww that's lovely thank you! Yes, I'm about to go to bed but tomorrow I will do something nice with my profile and I'd love to join in! I'm glad to have finally found somewhere with people alike! haha

welcome to this forumn can u please stay ! create a nice id, fill in some Bio  and give yourself a nice picture and join in here.

Your experience and feedback will be useful to others here.

We can listen to ur rants as you go through college

Hi, I am a 21 year old girl and I feel I can really sympathise with DD. I too was diagnosed late at 16, and I also dropped out of college due to struggling with the social aspect of it. It sounds like she may be experiencing depression, or I would assume so due to her spending so much time in bed. Sometimes it's hard to admit to yourself or your loved ones that you are struggling. Also I found that being in bed can be especially favourable to someone who experiences hypersensitivity, as the comfort and softness of the sheets can be insanely good. I have experienced depression both prior to and after having my diagnosis. I felt a lot of disconnection to my diagnosis, but I have grown to accept and embrace it, though I am far from being comfortable and happy with it just yet. I was working at McDonald's at 16 when I dropped out of college, which I believe helped me massively, and my mum would say the same. It helped me in many ways but the biggest one was the gradual pushing to work on the tills (I was used to staying in the kitchen and loved the repetitiveness and procedures). It was really hard for me at first to face my fears however with support and small steps I became more confident within myself. I found my voice and conquered much of my fear of other people and speaking to them! After almost 5 years of working in the job and doing well there, I decided to retry college. I followed my passion and I am now going to college again as a 'mature student', studying music production. I wanted to share this story for you and maybe you might want to share it with DD. I wanted to show that me, a fellow autistic and late-diagnosed young woman has been through similar feelings to what I imagine DD might be feeling, and that I have felt absolutely hopeless, but that I have managed to keep moving forwards and that it is possible! Not everyone is ready to study at the common age, and it is more than fine to wait a few years, I mean you can always come back to education, and your current health is most important. I wonder does DD work or has she considered it at all? I'd be more than happy to keep speaking and maybe listen or share some experiences that may help. I wish all the best for you and DD!

Holly :)

happy days

Thats good to hear 

DD has got up! I am ignoring the fact that she hasn't washed for days and wearing the same clothes for the last few days but hey she is up. 

You do know that could assist her by making a place for her study like a desk or even using the dining table. You can encourage routine with her. With her deciding on when she is going to study and help her break tasks into manageable chunks. You can set a timer when she is doing her coursework where you intervene every hour to make sure she is takes breaks when needed, Help coax her out of hyperfocus if that is an issue and help transsion her to different tasks. Leaving her to own devices is going to make things worse. You need to encourage and not force and work at her pace.     

Blue, i try not to put any pressure on DD, i just worry that she is wasting her time and letting it pass her by.... i am getting better at backing off but its hard

I remember when i was that age and before my diagnosis, i wanted to alone all the time and was struggling with the way I felt and why things could be so overwhelming. I personally found talking with other people my age going through similar things to be most helpful but everyone is different 

Exactly Blue, her choice to leave College and start online studying as she was struggling with the social aspect of College... She rejects and intervention, and I have tried everything... sigh.. she does need the teachers to keep her on track but that boat has sailed so to speak 

This time Chips Could possible be right, But have you thought possible that the pressure your putting on her is making her worse. Have you though that she may be comparing herself with others in her age group and understands that she cant do some of the things her peers of her own age are managing to do and it's frustrating her so much it's making her exhausted. It probably the reason why she not admitting she need more help. Have you considered she might be retreating to her bed because to avoid the fact she feels like she disappointing you or that she lost and doesn't know what to do with her life. 

It could be demand avoidance which is a struggle in itself because she may want to do something but the organisation and planning of that task seems out of reach or extremely stressful and become a problem if it become cycle because worrying about wanting, doing and needing the task might be making her exhausted.

What you and your daughter need to understand is its going to take some time and it could mean her living with you for a long while, possible into her thirties and for her to accept support but finding any reasonable support is difficult.   

I Have Autism and Possible Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. I need structure and routine to get things done,When i was in college I need actual human instruction to help me organise get through tasks, The reason i need human instruction because i need someone to coax me out of hyperfocus of certain tasks and assistance moving on to other tasks, class subjects and course work units and when i was struggling to process information and focusing in need extra time and support which i got from a friend because at the time i had no diagnosis and wasn't entitled to do educational support. 

Computer learning may not be suitable for her, yes it avoid the exhausting social interactions. But it lack the supervision and one to one support to help her get through the work and develop coping strategies.

We Individuals may lack intelligence in the social workings behind neurotypical communication but we can still be quite clever and she has possible understands that because the way we autistic individuals are that finding a meaningful employment is going be difficult or unobtainable and their is no point in trying which is probably triggered depression and severe anxiety.

She might be sleeping as a symptom and the result of the stress, depression and anxiety where the stress and anxiety is making her so exhausted that its literally taking the energy out of her and the cycle will continue until someone intervenes, But it's important that you intervene in the right way and not force the situation.

I hope you feel better soon Chipsfortea the stress must be awful for you. If you buy a jar of saffron spice and put 6 strands in a cup and add boiling water you get saffron tea which is great for easing anxiety and stress. 

Dear Chipsfortea,

It sounds as if you are maybe in need of some support - you might like to consider contacting our Parent to Parent Helpline.  The details are here.

I hope that helps.

Kerri-Mod

Hi Gianfry - yes have given DD this website address and many others for no avail! I have read everything going, maybe too much 

I am very pleased that sharing these messages made you feel better. Perhaps on this site you can find more support and a more direct and personal contact ... from people who day by day relate face to face with experiences very similar to yours. Have you tried to take a look here?

www.childline.org.uk/.../

It is for people eighteen and under. I find it very very useful: at first you may find it difficult to orient yourself but there are many precious supports to experiment. Maybe attempt one at a time!

No she doesn't have a social worker and wont go to the Drs as her experience hasn't altogether been a positive one. GP dismissed her as "just being a teenager", i managed to persuade her to see her to see another GP who referred her to CAMHS which eventually led to the autism diagnosis. She had counselling with CAMHS but didn't find it useful as again they dismissed her problems as being a teenager.

As she is 18, I can't force her to go to the Dr although i did talk to my Dr about her but little he could suggest as she is 18..

Feeling better sharing on here, thank you so much