Aspergers 6 year old

Hi Everyone 

We are currently going through the process of getting our son diagnosed with Aspergers.  Today my son came home from school with numerous holes in his top.  I asked him what they were from and he said he had pushed a pencil through his top. I asked why he did it and he said it’s because he was feeling ‘fiddly’ today.  This isn’t the first time, he doesn’t show much care or respect for his possessions and will often break things, without really seeming to think about it.  If we ask him to stop, his desire to destroy, pick, break thing overrides everything, even though he knows it’s wrong.

Firstly, is this quite a common trait?  Secondly, does anyone have any advice to help him when he’s feeling ‘fiddly’ at school and also how we can help him reduce the destructive behaviour?

This is all very new to us and we feel we are on a real learning curve, so any tips or advice would be very much appreciated. TIA

Parents
  • As others have highlighted this isn't destructive behaviour. 

    You come across as though you are angry at your son, yet he's doing the right thing. Stimming is something that autistic people do to cope with the pressure of living in a world where our needs haven't been thought about when designing environments, such as school. It helps to manage our MH and if your son wasn't allowed to do it could have very serious consequences for his well-being.

    In the grand scheme of things surely your son's MH is more important than a bit of cloth and the expense of buying new school wear every month or so? Outside services, such as OT or SENCOs can provide recommendations but all they will be are ideas and they may not specifically work for your son, it's all about trial or error. Stabbing something else like a piece of blue tack might help, some students like fidget toys.

    If we ask him to stop, his desire to destroy, pick, break thing overrides everything, even though he knows it’s wrong.

    As he's only 6 being able to communicate effectively together re your needs with his school clothes and getting your son to find a suitable stim is likely to be a very slow process. If he's treated in a way that upsets him, such as being told his behaviour is wrong, is will exasperate his need to self-sooth, which is what you are already experiencing. Remember just because you as a PNT think something is wrong, it doesn't mean this is wrong for the autistic way of being.

    What are you doing as a family to help your son manage his mental health? As an autistic mum to an autistic daughter, I'm conscious that exercise works wonders for my MH, which is also true for my autistic husband. Although our LO hasn't started school yet I've already got a list of activities, inc junior park run, to try out in order to help her establish life long habits for managing her emotions.  

Reply
  • As others have highlighted this isn't destructive behaviour. 

    You come across as though you are angry at your son, yet he's doing the right thing. Stimming is something that autistic people do to cope with the pressure of living in a world where our needs haven't been thought about when designing environments, such as school. It helps to manage our MH and if your son wasn't allowed to do it could have very serious consequences for his well-being.

    In the grand scheme of things surely your son's MH is more important than a bit of cloth and the expense of buying new school wear every month or so? Outside services, such as OT or SENCOs can provide recommendations but all they will be are ideas and they may not specifically work for your son, it's all about trial or error. Stabbing something else like a piece of blue tack might help, some students like fidget toys.

    If we ask him to stop, his desire to destroy, pick, break thing overrides everything, even though he knows it’s wrong.

    As he's only 6 being able to communicate effectively together re your needs with his school clothes and getting your son to find a suitable stim is likely to be a very slow process. If he's treated in a way that upsets him, such as being told his behaviour is wrong, is will exasperate his need to self-sooth, which is what you are already experiencing. Remember just because you as a PNT think something is wrong, it doesn't mean this is wrong for the autistic way of being.

    What are you doing as a family to help your son manage his mental health? As an autistic mum to an autistic daughter, I'm conscious that exercise works wonders for my MH, which is also true for my autistic husband. Although our LO hasn't started school yet I've already got a list of activities, inc junior park run, to try out in order to help her establish life long habits for managing her emotions.  

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