Please, please can someone help me? I'm concerned about my 9 year old boy.

Hi, 

This is my first time postin, I'll get straight to it I have a 9 year old boy who I've always thought is just harder work to get through too and is a day dreamer with a incredible imagination but the older he gets the more concerned i have become it's only recently in the last week that it's even accured to me he may have always been showing signs of autism. 

He struggles with making and keeping friends however it's very unlikely to upset him, he just plays on his own very happily. He enjoys his own company. He wont budge on what hes playing or try new things like I've seen children his age doing he will just go off and do his own thing. 

He talks ALOT barely comes up for air when its something he is interested in! He is pretty loud when speaking and we find ourselves always telling him not to shout. 

He obsessive over things to the point he has almost convinced himself that he is them ie Harry Potter (when in year one made everyone in class call him Harry and signed his work as Harry) he will talk for hours to anyone who will listen about the things he is in fascination with at the time even if its clear they arent listening. I've seen this happen many times it's so sad but he is completely unaware. 

He has the most amazing imagination for a 9 year old he always wants to be playing or thinking about how a game can go, down to every fine detail and is very controlling over what part he will play however he spends the whole time thinking up a game or discussing it and telling other people and what will happen in it he rarely actually plays the game. 

He cannot cope with music or dancing period hates it you can see it physically makes him squirm. It really overwhelms him.

He Is a fantastic artist and again will only draw the same things over and over depending on what his new fascination is. 

He cant bare people touching him unless it's on his terms and even then he can look like it's almost forced with everyone but myself. When friends have put their arm over him he will remove it instantly he wont allow his brother to cuddle him at all. 

He is still very much into dressing up which I'm unsure if children his age still like doing as many grow up too fast. He will sit for hours to make his own costume if he doesnt have what he wants to dress up as.

You need to bring him down to earth to get through to him you can say his name a million times next to him and it's like he is completely deaf until you maybe move your arms around and say his name to gain his attention. 

He much prefers adult company to children's and doesnt seem to understand children and can be very bossy with them. 

He cant stand loud noises ever and gets quite irritated by them especially people eating loudly, music etc. 

He can take things very literally or completely miss the point of something you are telling him or explaining to him and goes off onto something that is totally irrelevant to what you are saying. 

These are just a few of his ways and I'm genuinely devastated that its never accured to me maybe he has some form of autism. Am I right for worrying? Please help me i dont want to go through a process of labeling him if it's just me having a panic over nothing. 

I'm literally in tears, I feel awful I've never seen it or worried about it before and I must have told him off so many times for not listening, not getting the point not playing the games other children are etc. 

Please please can someone help me? 

Thank you 

Parents
  • TBH by using words, such as, concerned and worried I have found your post and your attitude to be incredibly rude and discriminatory. There's a strong genetic link with autism, as such, your posting on a board that has many autistic parents of autistic children. How would you feel if you were in my position and you went on a parenting forum to find people posting that they were upset that their child might be like you? Would you go on a forum that contained many Jewish individuals or black people and post that you're worried your son might be like them?

    It does sound like your son is fabulously autistic. If he is nurtured, he could do fantastically well. Your son sounds exactly like my husband and despite being from a working-class background, his obsessive tendencies and need for control has meant he has been in the top 15% of earners by managing large teams since his early 30s. These traits have also meant that within a year of completing my teacher training I was promoted to advance teacher and taught my colleagues how to teach. On the other hand, we both have siblings with the PNT who crave social interaction and social acceptance and are in low skilled, low paying work as they've been heavily influenced by there peers.

    The main issues here seems to be you. Your post adds to the discrimination and stigma autistic individuals face and you've already mentioned that due to your lack of acceptance of diversity you have already behaved negatively towards your child for not conforming to social norms. My advice to you is to open your mind to the world and spend time learning about different groups and their way of being. Visit conferences, read the blogs of autistic individuals, as well as their autobiographies etc. You also might want to look at some of the documentaries regarding Ruth Bater Ginsburg, trained as a lawyer at Ivy League universities and after a successful career became a supreme court justice. I'm not sure if she identifies as autistic or not but her behaviour is very autistic. Her husband often has to fetch her home as she gets so wrapped up in her work she forgets what time it is, or to eat. It is these traits that have helped her to do so well.

    Like all people, if your son is accepted for who is, praised for his strengths and support to overcome any issues he will thrive. If he's constantly told off for being who he naturally is and is expected to fit into a framework of behaviour that wasn't designed with his needs in mind it is likely to negatively affect his mental health and self-image.

Reply
  • TBH by using words, such as, concerned and worried I have found your post and your attitude to be incredibly rude and discriminatory. There's a strong genetic link with autism, as such, your posting on a board that has many autistic parents of autistic children. How would you feel if you were in my position and you went on a parenting forum to find people posting that they were upset that their child might be like you? Would you go on a forum that contained many Jewish individuals or black people and post that you're worried your son might be like them?

    It does sound like your son is fabulously autistic. If he is nurtured, he could do fantastically well. Your son sounds exactly like my husband and despite being from a working-class background, his obsessive tendencies and need for control has meant he has been in the top 15% of earners by managing large teams since his early 30s. These traits have also meant that within a year of completing my teacher training I was promoted to advance teacher and taught my colleagues how to teach. On the other hand, we both have siblings with the PNT who crave social interaction and social acceptance and are in low skilled, low paying work as they've been heavily influenced by there peers.

    The main issues here seems to be you. Your post adds to the discrimination and stigma autistic individuals face and you've already mentioned that due to your lack of acceptance of diversity you have already behaved negatively towards your child for not conforming to social norms. My advice to you is to open your mind to the world and spend time learning about different groups and their way of being. Visit conferences, read the blogs of autistic individuals, as well as their autobiographies etc. You also might want to look at some of the documentaries regarding Ruth Bater Ginsburg, trained as a lawyer at Ivy League universities and after a successful career became a supreme court justice. I'm not sure if she identifies as autistic or not but her behaviour is very autistic. Her husband often has to fetch her home as she gets so wrapped up in her work she forgets what time it is, or to eat. It is these traits that have helped her to do so well.

    Like all people, if your son is accepted for who is, praised for his strengths and support to overcome any issues he will thrive. If he's constantly told off for being who he naturally is and is expected to fit into a framework of behaviour that wasn't designed with his needs in mind it is likely to negatively affect his mental health and self-image.

Children
  • I totally understand where you are coming from and you are absolutely right in what you are saying and you do raise very good points, but it does sounds to me like the OP is asking for help with understanding, so the discriminatory language is coming from a lack of knowledge rather than just wilful ignorance, and seems more upset that they didn't consider the differences their child may have.

    I think it's okay to worry about things you don't understand, but as you already said there are resources out there that can help in that regard.