Son 22 diagnosed with autism

My son has recently been diagnosed. He managed to cope with life throughout his school years but when he left home to go to university he became very anxious and depressed. Despite this, he graduated last year after 3 lonely and unhappy years. It broke my heart to see him so isolated but although I tried to persuade him to drop out of uni and come home, he insisted on finishing the course. 

Since last summer, he has had one temp office job which didn’t work out as they weren’t aware of his autism and he was unable to work to the standard that they were expecting. They liked him but in the end they suggested that he might want to resign rather than wait and be fired. Since then he has been unemployed. I found a local community arts centre for mental health and they have taken him on as a volunteer but this is only on one half day a week. They also arranged for him to do a short course at  evening class on teaching skills as he is a talented musician.

Most of the time he spends in his room on his laptop. It is 11:30am and as usual he is in bed. He has no motivation to help me or his dad and has regressed into the role of a child with us running around after him. I am finding this very stressful as his older sister is disabled and is also unemployed although she is trying her very best to get a job. 

I have put him in touch with the local autism centre but he doesn’t want to meet other people with autism. He is extremely intelligent and knowledgeable about a number of subjects. I am very concerned that he is so unhappy and anxious. He says he wants a job, a girlfriend and just to be ‘normal’. I have found a psychotherapist who specialises in Aspergers and I am paying for private sessions as my son says that she ‘gets him’. In the meantime I am unable to turn to friends or relations (with the exception of his dad) for support as he has told me not to tell anyone. 

I don’t know how to help him. Are there any parents in a similar situation or that have had to cope with this sort of issue? To be honest all this is starting to affect my mental health. 

Parents
  • Hi ,

    I am sorry to hear that your son has been struggling since leaving university. I have included some information below to some of the services that we offer at the NAS, that you may like to contact to get some advise and support.

    You may like to contact our Autism Helpline team who can provide you with information and advice . You can contact the team via telephone on 0808 800 4104 (Monday to Thursday 10am to 4pm, Friday 9am to 3pm). Please note that the Helpline is experiencing a high volume of calls and it may take a couple of attempts before you get through to speak to an advisor. Alternatively, should you prefer to send a message, you can do so via their webform: https://www.autism.org.uk/services/helplines/main/questions.aspx

    You may like to contact our Transition Support service, who offers advice, support and information to young autistic people aged 14 years plus and their parents or carers on the transition to adulthood. 

    If you would like to contact the Transition Support service you can reach them on 0808 800 0027. Please leave a message on their answering service and they will call you back. Alternatively, you can send a message to the team via web form: http://www.autism.org.uk/services/helplines/transition-support/transition-support-enquiry.aspx

    You also mentioned that your son has been having difficulty finding employment. We have a really good section on Employment on our website: https://www.autism.org.uk/about/adult-life/work.aspx. It includes information about services and tools to support autistic people in getting work. There is also useful information for prospective employers and managers as well as a blog and tips shared by our employment training team.

    In addition to this, we have a Finding Work ebook aimed at autistic people looking for work which you can purchase here.

     Our official Youtube channel has some employment videos too. We'd recommend watching the following videos:  

     Job interviews: Emily and Max share their experience

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLTf6YJOh1c

     Jack who has Aspergers shares his story

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_uN2LFv4WA

     Making sure employers understand autism

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8iF0TAmyr4

    Autistic young adults talk about career ambitions

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qbjlRVUhd1s

     You can also browse for employment services on our Autism Services Directory: http://www.autism.org.uk/directory/browse/cid=30~aid=6.aspx

     We are aware of some other organisations that might be able to help. These are:
    • Auticon (http://auticon.co.uk/) are an organisation that exclusively employs autistic adults for their IT and consulting business. Anyone with an autism diagnosis and a strong interest in I.T, mathematics, data, compliance or a related area can apply. You can email the organisation for further information on opportunities at:  info@auticon.co.uk
    • The British Association of Supported Employment, who have a database of supported employment agencies, so you can search for one in your local area: www.base-uk.org.
    • Remploy, an organisation which supports people with disabilities and those experiencing complex barriers to work, into mainstream employmentwww.remploy.co.uk  
    • https://myplusstudentsclub.com/ is also a good website to look at. It is a site on which employers advertise their opportunities for people with disabilities and they also provide information about disability and inclusive practices within their organisations. This is a good way to identify companies which will be keen to put in place reasonable adjustments for interviews and throughout employment.

    • Evenbreak at http://www.evenbreak.co.uk/  matches disabled job seekers with employers looking to build a diverse workforce.

    Finally for yourself, you may like to contact our Parent to Parent service who offers emotional support to parents and carers of children or adults with autism. This service is confidential and run by trained parent volunteers who are all parents themselves of a child or adult with autism .

    You contact the team on 0808 800 4106. Please leave a message and the team will call you back as soon as possible at a time that suits you, including evenings and weekends. Alternatively you can use contact the team via web form: https://www.autism.org.uk/services/helplines/parent-to-parent/enquiry.aspx

    I hope you find this information useful.

    Kind regard,

    Ayshe Mod

  • Thank you for your information. Very kind.

    sue

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