Published on 12, July, 2020
please help!
my 8 year old ASD son and I are constantly falling out. I’m a single mum and also have a 10 month old daughter. I’m really struggling with him right now as he will not do anything he’s told and just argues with me like an adult. Simple things like putting his toys away, he says it’s not fair because his friend got some of them out, then it escalates into a full blown meltdown! I ask him to go into his ‘sensory tent’ to calm down but he refuses. I tell him to go to his room but he will not go. The only thing I can do is ignore him. Then He just follows me around screaming at the top of his voice that ‘I made it worse’ or ‘I’m not doing it until you apologise!’ Or ‘you need to take responsibility for your part’ when all I asked him to do was put his toys away. He will not do anything he doesn’t want to! He terrifies his baby sister when he’s in meltdown. He doesn’t seem to understand that adults have authority and he needs to do as he’s told. Has anyone else had similar experiences? What can I do???
Sounds just like my house! I have an 8 year old girl who we believe is asd and a 7 year old and 14month old when it comes to tidying up the 8 year old is a nightmare .she screams it's not her job to do it there not her toys we treat her like a slave all the usual stuff, but as you say this quickly escalates to meltdown.
We are starting to use a pecs now, next, then board not to help understanding as she is fully aware but so she can see tidy up as an activity or step to the next thing she wants, this was suggested by a support worker I'm not sure if it will work but she likes the structure of the timetable at school so hopefully it will work at home!
She Is also quite adult in many ways we joke she is 8 going on 18 (goes over her head) but very young in others I just wondered if you found that as well
How do you know she's fully aware? You could have told me, as a child, all day long why I should pick the toys up, but even though I would understand it on an intellectual level, I wouldn't really understand it so I refused to do any household chores when I was a kid., I thought it was outrageous and I wasn't going to be anybodies slave. My mum had to cover for me. I understand it now, that I've got my diagnosis and I've worked with support workers, but I never understood it back then.
But picture cards and stories help me. Honestly, I'm highly intelligent, very successful in my social work career and career in mental health so my support worker was a little hesitant to mention picture boards etc to use with me, and I said no, this is how I learn. I already have laminated pictures on my wall and I use stickers etc when I have completed things. She's getting all excited now because she loves all that, cutting and laminating etc and I'm excited, because I'm going to finally learn how to live independently. All my life everyone has simply done things for me, until I hit this major burnout and I was finally forced to look after myself. So even though I'm intelligent in some ways, I don't understand easily the every day things of life and some of them I need to understand in order to help me live an uninterrupted independent/interdependent life. The picture boards will really help. I can't wait to get mine regarding eating.
I know she is fully aware as on the days she decides to do as asked she explains to her sister in great detail how and why it is important to pick up our toys. This demonstrates understanding and awareness it is purely down to when she doesn't want to do something that it escalates and as she gets angry she then struggles to cope with feelings. If I let her do whatever she wants 24 hours a day maybe she wouldn't argue but since that would be highly irresponsible it is not possible so compromise must be made.
Not sure pecs will work with her last time she saw something like that she got upset saying she wasn't stupid. But we are introducing it for all of them so she doesn't feel singled out.
Yeah, it’s usually strong emotions or overload that push me into meltdown