Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all, I have a question to any parents out there with a teenage autistic child. My 15 year old daughter is currently in the transition from mainstream to a specialise school due to her social emotional needs. She leaves next Friday but for the last few weeks every other day she will refuse to go into school for no apparent reason.
I understand she is anxious about leaving and starting a new school but I have to question is she being a typical teenager who doesn't want to go? I have taken away her phone and stopped her from going to after school club as a punishment for not going to school but does this make a difference? Should I even be punishing her or just accept that her refusal of school goes with the territory.
Would love to hear your opinions on this as the school aren't interested now because she is leaving shortly anyway
Thanks, Binary. That's the point I was trying to make, but it may not have been clear (my bad).
Yes, sanctions can be used, but carefully - as you say. You can't just, for instance, say 'You're grounded tonight' (depending again on the individual circumstance). There may need to be more forewarning of sanctions. And a reward-based system is good, as long as it isn't an obvious bribe.
It is very difficult in situations like this. You know your daughter better than anyone. There obviously have to be boundaries for behaviour and there's no reason that just because someone is autistic, there can't be a sanction. But sanctions have to be carefully used. Does she fully understand her behaviour. Is the anxiety too much? I get very anxious and it is the most horrible feeling so to then get a punishment as well could be difficult. Without knowing her it's impossible to fully comment. My only suggestion is could it be turned round so there is a reward for going to school rather than a sanction for not? I would say the emphasis at the moment needs to be on a positive transition to her new school rather than on her current school. Good luck. I hope she finds things easier at her new school.
I'm sorry if you don't like my reply, Loulabelle, but you did ask for opinions. I'm giving mine based on some good experience - both as an autistic person and as someone who has worked extensively with autistic adults and children. An aversive approach to behaviour, whilst it may work for many children, could well be more problematic for autistic children.
As has been said - it is a big change and will be highly stressful. She most likely is finding such a change much harder to accept than a non-autistic child would.
I don't have autistic children, but have worked with them. Some - even the most highly-functioning ones - have found any kind of change very difficult to handle. One lad I worked with had meltdowns every day when his mother moved house with him. It took a few weeks to get him to accept the change.
If she is autistic, she is certainly not a 'typical teenager'. The punishments you have imposed could actually make things worse for her rather than better, because they are compounding things in a way that she may not be able to properly process and understand. I say 'could actually' because I don't know the full circumstances, and each autistic person will respond differently to things.
Does she have a SENco at the school that you could discuss this with? Have you spoken to any behaviour therapists who understand autistic behaviours?
There are reasons for her behaviour. They need to be properly understood.
You might find it useful to check out the information here:
Behaviour
It's a big change and will be highly stressful for her.
My advice would be to say "go to school until this date, then we will let you have a week off" or something similar. This will give her an extra week to get her head sorted for the change to a new school, and give her something to look forward to.