Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all, I have a question to any parents out there with a teenage autistic child. My 15 year old daughter is currently in the transition from mainstream to a specialise school due to her social emotional needs. She leaves next Friday but for the last few weeks every other day she will refuse to go into school for no apparent reason.
I understand she is anxious about leaving and starting a new school but I have to question is she being a typical teenager who doesn't want to go? I have taken away her phone and stopped her from going to after school club as a punishment for not going to school but does this make a difference? Should I even be punishing her or just accept that her refusal of school goes with the territory.
Would love to hear your opinions on this as the school aren't interested now because she is leaving shortly anyway
It is very difficult in situations like this. You know your daughter better than anyone. There obviously have to be boundaries for behaviour and there's no reason that just because someone is autistic, there can't be a sanction. But sanctions have to be carefully used. Does she fully understand her behaviour. Is the anxiety too much? I get very anxious and it is the most horrible feeling so to then get a punishment as well could be difficult. Without knowing her it's impossible to fully comment. My only suggestion is could it be turned round so there is a reward for going to school rather than a sanction for not? I would say the emphasis at the moment needs to be on a positive transition to her new school rather than on her current school. Good luck. I hope she finds things easier at her new school.
Hi, Thank you for your advice. It's very much appreciated. I get everything you have all said. Although we have had a verbal diagnosis we are still on the waiting list for the autism assessment.
That being said I've tried ( omg I've tried) to understand why she doesn't want to go to school and she can't seem to tell me . It's also soul destroying when you see your 15year old daughter sat on her bedroom floor with no emotion on her face playing with a fidget spinner saying I'm not going.
So I guess until she as a proper diagnosis and she is settled in her new school I will need to ride it out and hope the school refusals will be few and far between
Your right I will try that. Thank you all so much x
She may not be sure herself. Sometimes, especially when younger, I don't know what is causing my anxiety. I just know it's there. This may not be the case for your daughter. It may be hard for her to explain. I would probably not make too bigger deal about her going to her current school. I know it's a legal requirement but it is so close to her going to the next school. But try to emphasise the expectation that she will go to her new school and that this will be a better experience for her. Try to make everything about the new school really positive. Transitions are hard but the right school setting will hopefully make a huge difference for her.