Urgent - getting more violent now - 14 year old son

Thats awful. I dont see how people can make a career in dealing with people be it nurse, counsellor, social worker or whatever and quite literally not give a toss.

See the same with the people at CAMHS. They seem quite happy to come into work 9-5 ignore whats going on, making sure they cant get blamed for something, whilst peoples lives fall apart.

How do these people live with themselves?

Hiya...they got involved coz my son was in the hospital after he was going to kill himself last year ...every time the police are called she gets a report but does nothing ...

Maybe your son heard that story too. Services might make a different assumption if you were first to approach them.

I don't know what they might do to help. I still say it would be important to try to get an autism specialist (yes, there are few or no autism-specific services some places and this is obviously a problem).

I would suggest trying to have as honest a conversation as possible with your son about the possibilities first. Police can also sometimes handle domestic things surprisingly sensitively.

But do you trust them? If the quality of staff at SS is the same as CAMHS then we're in trouble if we go to SS.

Son has said many times that if we ever phoned SS he would tell them that I hit him. I can just imagine how that would sit with SS. (I never have BTW).

I know a friend who had problems with SS. His son got caught stealing in school, so he was in big trouble when he got home. He never laid a finger on him but son ran out of the house screaming, neighbours (who had a bit of grudge to bear) rang SS.

Even though no evidence, all hearsay, no marks etc. his son decided it would be fun to get his dad in trouble. The amount of grief he went through was unbelievable. It was almost as if SS didnt believe a teen would be clever enough to make the story up.

End of their relationship at that point. It would be wouldnt it? Years later - son is grown up now they still have no relationship because of what the son did to his father.

Social services would have a duty to put your son's best interests first. I don't think anyone is taken into care unless it's really necessary. What they may do that CAMHS don't is actually see the situation at home.

Definitely thinking of it. We're running out of options to be honest. We've told CAMHS time and time again but they dont give a monkeys.

I am loathe to contact SS in case they make things worse and things get taken out of our hands. I've heard some real horror stories about them.

Yes support group might be an idea. Thanks - that one is in RCT about 20 miles away. (Spookily its based about 100 yards from where my Dad lives!)

I really don't know. Have you managed to find any local parent's group, of any description?

Are these folk near you?

http://www.rctaspergergroup.co.uk/page10.html

Also not sure if parent carer needs assessments are the same in Wales as in England. Maybe it's best to go through CAMHS. It just seems when you are saying things like 'Maybe it is for the best that we have him taken into care' you're thinking of contacting social services anyway.

OMG thats so awful....

No not rung the police yet. CAMHS keep harping on about having to do that but I think its just so they're off the hook. I get the feeling that the police would then say ring CAMHS like you had.

Know EXACTLY what you mean. You don;'t want to put him in care but then there are other things to consider like the safety of the rest of the family too. 

If you don;t mind me asking, how did you get social worker involved?

Thanks for the reply.

Yeh I sort of know he cant help himself. At the moment he sees CAMHS for his OCD, but we're STILL waiting for aspergers assessment. STILL! 

Not got social worker or any og thise things you mention. (We are in wales btw not sure if it matters).

Should we be phoning social services ourselves? Must admit Im a little reticent to get the social involved because they could do more harm than good. After experiences with ~CAMHS, its become clear there are a lot of people working with children who are clueless.

Sorry to hear things have got so fraught. He won't want to have the meltdowns, or probably know that they're coming. (Relatively small things can use up an autistic capacity for control, and things can suddenly swing from being over-inhibited to no impulse control at all.)

I realise you mention that there's no social worker involved... if you manage to get one, ideally they would be well-trained in autism.  Has he had a Children and Families Act assessment that you know of, or have you had a carer's assessment? (You're legally entitled to the assessment at least.)

Complete change of subject: you may want to change your 'NAS3xxxx' username to something more recognisable. You can do this by going up to the round button up the top right of the page, then 'Profile' then 'Edit Profile'.

Hiya... oh im so sorry its got worse. Things in my house are not great either the social worker hardly comes since it's not him that's at risk but me. I tried to end my life recently as I thought it's the only way out. My family said I should put him I  care too but it's so heart breaking to even consider this but he'll end up seriously hurting me one day. Did u ring police? I did once but as soon as I said asd they said it's not us see camhs but they told me to avoid triggers which is impossible. I wonder if you'd like to swap numbers if u want to It'd be nice to speak to someone who knows how I feel... It's stupid to say but keep strong x

Hi Marie - see my latest post. We really are at the edge now. Tonight my wife shouted at him that she hates him and wants him gone. I can see her point to be honest...

Just don;t know what to do.

How'd u get a social worker on board? Did you ring social services?

Well we thought things were getting better. BUT its not.

Today found out that hes smashed up his bedroom. Caused probably £100s of damage - all because he got wound up playing a computer game. 

Thing is he did it days ago and didnt own up - not sure what he though would happen when we eventually found out.

Its constant with him. He'll try it on, or he'll go behind our back and lie. Constantly.

Hes pushed his mother to edge now - she wants him out. Its difficult to imagine how much trouble one kid can cause for everyone else in the family. Mother has been ill recently- this makes things worse. His little sister aged 5 says she "hates him because hes always shouting".

We've tried and tried and tried to understand him. We've forgiven him and given him, no exageration 20 chances. This time, like the other 20 hes upset and crying but we've seen it all before. He'll be sorry for literally a day then its back to normal.

Just don't know what to do any more. Maybe it is for the best that we have him taken into care to be honest.

Yes I've found same... trying to get him help but also getting him to the help is a struggle. For me as soon as we got the diagnosis they left me to cope... the social worker is good though and there's one guy at camhs that cares but that's it. How do u cope with schooling? 

I'm Marie btw hi Paul... 

Affects both of us a lot.... Same as you my son just doesnt see it.

No dont go to any groups; Its tough I know. And tough to get help.

Sounds like I'm at the start of what you're going through. How do u personally not let it affect u mentally and physically? My son just doesn't see that I'm upset and just moves on but expects me to do the same. 

Do u go to any groups? I thought speaking to other parents may help me to get better at this.

With you on that one. I just want it to stop NOT to punish my son. Im dubious as 

1. The police are going to look at me clueless.

2. Its going to make things worse.

As for A&E tried that one. They have an oncall psych for adults but not for kids. Basically sent him home with us.

Son diagnosed OCD about a year ago. STILL waiting for proper asperers diagnosi.

Hiya I'm new to this but have a similar situation in that my son is 16 and camhs also told me to ring the police or a&e... I can' do either as I feel I couldn' get my son charged he' my son. The social workers advice is to put him in care and I can' do thst either. It' hard breaking. When did your son get diagnosed.. my son only got diagnosed in March so I'm trying to adapt but it' hard.

Yes hes been good last week so we've been more flexible on the weekend. We're sticking to the 3 hours on weeknights because otherwise with having tea, having a shower, homework it means he'd do nothing else.

One of his big OCD things was time in the toilet/shower. Sometimes it was over 90 mins. Which is why the counsellor sugested charts/timer etc. Now we tell him PC after shower and it seems to focus him.

Down to 20 mins now which we were REALLY surprised at.... Good on him hes trying to make an effort. Fair play.

One more little thought. All this about testing boundaries in adolescence sounds right.

I'm just thinking that while routine and good habits are common to autistic and non-autistic wellbeing, and even a neurotypical boy might have problems seeing things from your point of view, one of the smaller differences could be significant.

Three hours on the PC a day might sound sensible, but with hyperfocus and different attention-switching, that really may not be very long. Maybe, just maybe, things would work better with 8-10 hours non-stop on the PC on a Saturday, gradually winding down towards the end (so a game can be left between levels or in a boring bit), and then none at all on a Wednesday or Thursday to allow other interests to develop.