Having a hard time with this.
We've had issues with taking his medications. Didn't take for about a month because he "forgot". Now we have to supervise him at same time every day otherwise he wouldn't take them. We were out the other night and gran was at home looking after - he forgot. One day on his own.
Very annoying because these meds do help him a lot. And to get this we've had to pay over £400 in private psych fees and take him to appointments an hours drive away!
Hes seeing CAMHS at the moment and the counsellor is pretty good. She comes up with things for him to do. (His OCD/compulsions) are to do with bathroom rituals. Previous appt he had to try and cut one thing out.
Did he bother to try? Nope. Not at all.
Last time, she gave him sheets to fill out to time himself. She suggested we get a timer so we did. Week gone by now has he done it - nope.
We tried the positive approach - we'll give you x if you do it for x days - Nope.
We've reminded him nicely 2-3 times. We've upped it and said he needs to follow advice - nope. We gave him a final warning. Last night we had the "I forgot" excuse again so he lost the use of his PC which he was not happy about. We had no other choice.
Part of the problem is his PC. All he cares about is getting back on his PC asap. Which is why other things take a back seat. We've got 2 bathrooms and another toliet at home. If he spends an hour in there (which he does) then it doesn't cause much hassle. We tell him not to use all the hot water but he ignores us (it has no effect on him he doesnt pay the bills!)
We're going away shortly - there won't be three toilets. It will be a problem but I know full well he won;t give a monkeys. He rarely wants to leave the house because of things like this. We've managed to stop it now but we;'ve had some nightmares with public toilets with him. He used to like to spray EVERY surface (it would be like it had rained in the bathroom) and spead toilet roll on every inch of the floor. He once completely blocked (and they had to close it for the rest of the flight) toliet on a plane which was not cool.
Hes happy to go to appointments but makes no effort to try to help himself. He just wants to carry on as normal and not make any efforts. Its all too easy for him at home but of course life isnt like that. He seems to be blinkered to just seeing PC games, go in toilet/shower at home for an hour if he likes and nothing else.
Hes ok in school - but he just doesnt use the toilet - which is not reallty a solution but hes happy to just go with it. (although in the past we have caught him taking anti diarhoea tables out of the cupboard to stop himsef needing loo at school - that wont end well with everyday use of course).
"You can lead a horse to water" etc. We just don't know what to do to encourage him....
Perhaps if his PC time didn't start until after the medication had been taken, however long that took, he would have a positive incentive to remember and to take it?
Would the techniques used previously to change his bathroom rituals not still be effective if adapted to his new bathroom rituals? It doesn't sound as if the techniques suggested by CAHMS have been effective at all (unsurprising as they appear to address OCD but ignore ASD) so it would make sense to try those that have been proven to work in the past.
You say "It's all too easy for him at home but of course life isn't like that.", how is he supposed to learn about life if he's not learning about it at home? A small start might be "lead(ing the) horse to water" or you'll never know whether it would drink. Lock unnecessary medications away in order to allow him to deal with natural toileting needs, Don't allow PC use until after his required medication has been taken so that he takes on the responsibility for both things himself. Gradually link his rights to his responsibilities because "life is(..) like that"?
Good ideas of course.
But we've tried it all. We are finding it impossible to get him to take any responsibility for anything.
You say 'tried' - sounds like you've been hoping for an easy fix. There isn't, persistence and perseverance is really important. If you say you're going to do something, it needs to be there every time. - at least that's what i would've expected as a kid, reflecting back. It's only when my parents said "No. We're doing this- this way. We're not changing on this." - then didn't back down when I got tough or over time.I do feel for you though, the situation sounds tough. Endymion's ideas seem logical and good to use. But then, I can only speak about what I would've wanted (as someone with ASD). Since I don't have kids. I'm only 22Yo, so childhood isn't a far stretch away.I wish you the very best though.
With the greatest respect Foyster, I think that's a bit unfair that you're implying that I want an "easy fix".
This has been ongoing for a year or so. We've tried it all over this time.
Yes, maybe if I could devote my life to him 24/7 I could spend more time with him. In the real world, when you're a parent you have work, partner, other kids. FYI my wife has a long term illiness and I've got 4 year also to throw into the mix here!
I have many responsibilities unfortunately. You will find this out that its not that easy.
You've posted before with this same patronising 'I know best' tone when asking for advice.
Last time, the only response you were happy with was the stock 'phone the helpline' one. So have you tried that again?
Nobody is saying that it's an easy ride for you, but it isn't any easier for your son and yet you always seem to assume he's being lazy or can't be bothered simply for the sake of it, rather than because he is also struggling. Remember, again, that he is young. Your constant laying the blame will not be helping him.
You say you've tried everything so I'm not sure what you expect from responses, but when you ask him to do things do you ensure that you ask him at exactly the time he can stop to do them, in the right place and with everything he needs right there?
That way, he has no chance to forget.
Look Im not perfect. However, no offence but I think your first sentence is a little uncalled for.
Also, the rest of your post you are making an awful lot of assumptions....
It seems very much that you might find a book called, THE COMPLETE GUIDE TO ASPERGER'S SYNDROME, by Tony Attwood ~ extremely useful; as far as 'how-to' and 'why' manuals go, perhaps.
There is is a PDF of the whole book via the following link:
Thanks Deep. I have read that (and many others) but appreciate the thought.