Hi. I am new to this forum. I was just wondering if anyone with a child with ASD has problems in their relationship. We constantly fight and argue. My husband says he is the only one that keeps our family going as he 'does everything'. He has developed OCD and anxiety since my son was diagnosed with Autism and its getting out of control.
He is obsessed with tidying which is a huge problem as my son is messy so he goes around the house constantly tidying up after our son. He doesnt get any further forward though as my son goes from room to room making a mess. My husband expects me to constantly tidy up also but its exhausting and I have other things that have to be done in the house, as well as a daughter to spend time with.
My husband wont get help. Ive asked him to go on medication to calm him down with his OCD and anxiety or to have counselling but he refuses. He says we need to get our son sorted with medication for his ADHD and then he will feel better but we are still trying to get the right medication for my son 20 months later.
Ive had to change my life by going on anti depressants and having months of counselling to get by every day but my husband refuses to change and adapt. He says he has no life yet hes so stubborn and wont help himself, or our family.
I think I could cope much better just me and my son and daughter but I cant afford to move out and have nowhere else to go.
Rainbow said:He has developed OCD and anxiety since my son was diagnosed with Autism and its getting out of control.
OCD = the need for control and order ...
Does this then try to counteract his sense of being at a loss and fear and uncertainty regarding how to process and deal with the ASD diagnosis...he cannot change the diagnosis, but he can change his environment by putting that in order.
the OCD is a way if trying to manage his anxiety and sense of lack of agency in what is happening.
does that make sense?
His asking for help tidying is nothing to do with tidying....it is asking for help about the ASD and maybe how it has changed his reality... he's struggling...and he wants your help with that
Thank you for this. Yes thst does make sense. He did say to me before that he cant control Luke so he has to feel like he has control in other ways.
Its just when he shouts and snaps at me I find it really annoying as if he does everything and I do nothing. I dont understand why he wont try to help himself. Hes in a mood all the time and theres just no talking to him. Medication would really help to calm him down, he just refuses.
You need to catch up and come up with a strategy t move forward... he’s struggling, you’re struggling.. he is asking for your support and he probably things you’re coping ok, but he’s sinking..
At present you are each coping in your own ways but not as a couple at present..
You both need strategies and more tools to your toolbox going forward.. x
Thank you. You are probably right. We are going to get referred for family counselling as my daughter struggles with the issues at home also. We definitely dont work together though. X
I think he’s craving practical help and strategies first
It is sometimes the case that ASD runs in families.
Has your husband taken an AQ test? Have you?
Neither of us have taken a test. I was told by my sons psychiatrist that I definitely didnt have it as my social skills are very strong. I think my husband has more of the traits but he has got much worse since my son was diagnosed. I think its more to do with the fact that hes struggling to cope with my sons ASD. X