Hi. I am new to this forum. I was just wondering if anyone with a child with ASD has problems in their relationship. We constantly fight and argue. My husband says he is the only one that keeps our family going as he 'does everything'. He has developed OCD and anxiety since my son was diagnosed with Autism and its getting out of control.
He is obsessed with tidying which is a huge problem as my son is messy so he goes around the house constantly tidying up after our son. He doesnt get any further forward though as my son goes from room to room making a mess. My husband expects me to constantly tidy up also but its exhausting and I have other things that have to be done in the house, as well as a daughter to spend time with.
My husband wont get help. Ive asked him to go on medication to calm him down with his OCD and anxiety or to have counselling but he refuses. He says we need to get our son sorted with medication for his ADHD and then he will feel better but we are still trying to get the right medication for my son 20 months later.
Ive had to change my life by going on anti depressants and having months of counselling to get by every day but my husband refuses to change and adapt. He says he has no life yet hes so stubborn and wont help himself, or our family.
I think I could cope much better just me and my son and daughter but I cant afford to move out and have nowhere else to go.
It is sometimes the case that ASD runs in families.
Has your husband taken an AQ test? Have you?
Neither of us have taken a test. I was told by my sons psychiatrist that I definitely didnt have it as my social skills are very strong. I think my husband has more of the traits but he has got much worse since my son was diagnosed. I think its more to do with the fact that hes struggling to cope with my sons ASD. X
I am not a doctor.
It's just you mentioned that you find him stubborn and resistant to change. You also described a need to control.
Anxiety is one of the key drivers in people with ASC, and OCD is sometimes incorrectly diagnosed in people who are actually on the spectrum.
Does your husband have many friends? I mean real friends you can rely on, not simply acquaintances.
Hi. Sorry for the delay in responding. Its been manic this week.
My husband doesnt have many friends. He prefers his own company. There is one man he works with who he gets on really well with but thats about it.
I do agree that my husband has something wrong with him and its getting worse. I cant get him to a doctor to be properly assessed.
We are being referred to family counselling so Im hoping something positive comes out of that. X
No need for apologies. People come and go here, as they are able.
Rainbow said:I do agree that my husband has something wrong with him
I don't think I ever said he did. I did however refer to certain behaviours.
It could be worth checking what level of experience the counsellor has with ASC. Without specific knowledge of the cognitive differences and resultant behaviour, you might find an "ordinary counsellor" to be less helpful than you need right now.
Here's some suggested reading which might help you grasp at something useful in the meantime: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Asperger-Couples-Workbook-Activities-Counsellors/dp/1843102536/
(other books are of course also available)
Thanks for this. I will have a look at the link.