Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I am a mother of a 12 year old extremely high functioning aspie. For the past 2 weeks he has been complaining of being ill. He did have a slight cold but nothing some paracetamol wouldn't cure. He has missed a whole week of school as he says he doesn't feel up to it. He is complaining of a headache, so I have been to the optitions. Other than this he is just saying he isn't feeling well but can't explain what's wrong. I am considering taking him to our GP but my concern there is he can't explain what's actually wrong. I'm not sure if this is medical or psychological!! As my son does not understand his body, he just doesn't know how to deal or express with illness. I can't actually find anything wrong with him. He's off his food lately, not that he eats much anyway! He was out all day with his dad yesterday and was fine. Today he's back in his bed saying he's unwell!
I have no idea how what to do. I was just wondering if any other parents have been through this, or if there are any individuals with ASD who experience this themselves and have a better understanding than me!
I have found in the past that when my son becomes anxious over something he displays it with feeling unwell, feeling sick, headache etc. Usually I can unpick the anxiety and get to the root of the problem. This is different this time and I am at a complete loss!
Any advice would be grealy appreciated.
Many thanks and apologies for such a long message.
Hi NAS36510. I’m talking purely from my point of view. I’m a 50 year old who was diagnosed with autism at the end of October last year.
Reading your post, I get a sense that your son is simply overwhelmed right now. Imagine what it feels like when you are feeling overwhelmed. We aren’t thinking clearly when we become overwhelmed and for someone with autism, we are feeling overwhelmed and it’s like a bomb has gone off in our brain. (Sorry, I’m saying ‘us’, I don’t mean to speak for all people with autism, just those perhaps who also experience what I do). It’s like when the bomb goes off, all thoughts and connections in the brain are shattered into pieces and scattered throughout the brain. Nothing makes sense and I certainly can’t tell anybody what’s wrong with me, what I’m feeling, what caused it etc.
I think my burnouts started when I started comprehensive school. Up until that point I managed pretty well but when I went to comp I just couldn’t make sense of it all and I would take to my bed or I would lay on the settee all day. I took a whole year out of school in my second to last year.
Imagine if someone had set a bomb off in your head. It’s like the best thing to do is to allow all those shattered and scattered pieces to gently, in their own time, settle themselves back down. For me, I want to say that what your boy needs now is lots of love and compassion and time and space to just be for a while. We are so obsessed, as a society, that we all have to do things at the same time and in the same way. For example, we all have to go to school at the same times, wear the same clothes, learn the same lessons, play the same games, etc etc and it just doesn’t work like that for some of us, and particularly those of us with autism. I would say fill his body with lots of great nutrition. A green juice with turmeric or something is a natural pain relief and provides the body with lots of almost instant goodness. Encourage him to get fresh air, exercise, lots of fruit and fresh foods. Let him know that there’s nothing ‘wrong’ with him, that it’s ok. It’s ok to take to your bed and get rest. Just because he’s not following the herd, doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with him. Childcare could be a consideration if he’s not at school. Why do you need to do anything? What is it that you would like to achieve by doing something? Why is it not ok to stay in bed all day and not go to school? Why does he have to do anything?
Thank you for your reply. I have never heard of a burnout before. If taking to his bed is what he needs then I will continue to let him do this. I was simply looking to see if others had had this experience and I could then rule out a medical issue. He has definitely felt the pressure since starting comp. He knows he is extremely intelligent and is very proud of this. He is in the top set in school which involves a lot of pressure to maintain his grades. I try to relieve the pressure as much as possible but he wants to be the best he can be academically. This is a lot of pressure for any 12 year old, let alone a 12 year old with ASD.
By doing something, I meant making things better for my son. Trying to find ways to make this easier for him. He completely understands his ASD and we are very open and honest about it. Now that I have information about burnouts I can explain this to him.
As for nutrition there lies my problem. My son has huge food issues and eats very little. What he does eat is neither healthy or nutritious. This has been the case for the last 10 years. The going out for fresh air is something I can do with him though. As for childcare when he is off school, he prefers to be home alone and is more than capable as he is very self sufficient.
Thank you for all your advice. I will do more research into the burnouts. I find the more information I have the better I am to be able to help my son.