Livid with teacher

My daughter is autistic and in year 6. Yesterday 10 mins after lunch she said she felt her period and didn't have a pad on. She asked the teacher if she could go to the toilet and was told no she would have to wait until home time. My daughter said she whispered to her that she didn't have a pad on and it was a female reason. The teacher said she didn't need to know that and she should have dealt with it in her lunch break. She had to go back to her seat and bled all over her chair.

Parents
  • We have a similar rule at my school to encourage students to plan their time at break times...yes they e been to the loo and had a drink etc and are ready to learn.. but, I let people go to the toilet as sometimes it is needed... and as a female teacher I know that..

    the teacher may have just been sticking to the rules so it might be a need to address the school policy rather than hang the teacher, then draw and quarter her...

  • I am a teacher too and I do think the breaks should be used for that. Each lesson is only 45 minutes anyway. Recently the school was in lock down because someone had reported a smell of crack in one of the toilets and some definitely occasionally use them for a smoke...

    Kids do sometimes abuse the toilet thing, easy enough to suss if they come back laden with chocolates and sandwiches. Once a girl did say she was coming on in the class, once again this was just after an ample break....I remember periods usually do start early. The others were being cheeky, assuming I did not know know enough of their language to understand. So I did not let her go on that occasion. That one was eventually expelled......

    If a child genuinely seems unwell I let them go. And to have a wee too. But if it always seems to happen before I set them a listening comprehension test I ask them to remain. 

    So I don't agree with lynch mobbing the teacher either, she may simply have been trying to establish boundaries. With teens there is always a tightrope between being strict enough and understanding enough and as someone said, the beleaguered teacher certainly is just human.

  • I don’t think that telling kids when they can and can’t use the toilet is the act of ‘establishing boundaries.’ I believe it is the act of teachers exercising their ‘absolute power’ to enforce a dictatorship.

    The definition of a ‘Dictator’ is someone who wields their power in an oppressive manner. Which I think is a very accurate description of this teacher’s attitude and actions towards this little (and vulnerable) girl.

Reply
  • I don’t think that telling kids when they can and can’t use the toilet is the act of ‘establishing boundaries.’ I believe it is the act of teachers exercising their ‘absolute power’ to enforce a dictatorship.

    The definition of a ‘Dictator’ is someone who wields their power in an oppressive manner. Which I think is a very accurate description of this teacher’s attitude and actions towards this little (and vulnerable) girl.

Children
  • If the OP's daughter had always been asking to use the toilet in the past, there may have been some justification for what the teacher did, but, in this case, what happened was unjustifiable and cruel. Teachers are adults and they are hired to be able to make their own judgement calls.  

  • Hi NAS36772,

    I really like it when the older kids ‘abuse their right’ to use the toilet (perhaps not the crack smoking bit though) or when they stretch the uniform rules etc.  As I think, in such a controlled and authoritarian environment as high school, it is good for kids to exercise their rebelliousness, to break these (in this case) actually quite harmless ‘rules.’ I think it is very good for their souls to disobey teachers in this way. Perhaps the reason they break the ‘toilet rules’ so often is because these are the only rules they are able to safely break in this environment? Why take this from them? Why not let them pretend to need the loo, and you pretend you believe them; why not give them this win in this small way, every day?

    People are not machines, no?   Relaxed

  • I personally really respect your posts NAS36772, thank you.

    However, I cannot yet find common ground on this issue with you. Other than perhaps the fact that, ‘none of us are perfect,’ which I will happily agree on wholeheartedly.

    However, staff being bullied by the Head etc. (which definitely does go on rampantly I know) is still not reason enough to then bully others, particularly small children in our care, in return.

    In this way our bullied and disempowered children grow up, in turn, to grasp passionately at the opportunity to have power over others (such as choosing teaching as a profession in some (not all!) cases perhaps?) and become ‘bullying Headmasters’ themselves in return, yes?

    I think many teachers would benefit from frequently asking themselves the age old ethical questions: how they would feel if they were treated in this same way by another human being? And would they treat another adult in this same way?’ and ‘would they feel confidant to openly explain their actions (in this instance) to a court of their peers?’

    And if any of those ethical questions makes a person wriggle uncomfortably (and start pulling at their shirt collar,) then the answer is likely that they should not be treating children this way, no?

    Relaxed

  • My experience still is that older children do sometimes use and abuse their rights to use the toilet. As someone pointed out though, the age group we are talking about here hardly qualifies for crack-smoking delinquency. 

    Teaching can be a tough, tough job and I still think it might be worth giving this one the benefit of the doubt, though it does sound as though a line was crossed in this case. The teacher may be young and may have been bullied in turn by the head teacher or a mentor for not maintaining class discipline adequately.