Published on 12, July, 2020
hi
i am new to the community and I am wondering if anybody else's has struggled with school and how they punish our children.
my son had an incident on wednesday where he broke a magnifying glass, he says on accident but other children said on purpose. The teacher who dealt with the incident told my son that the consequence would be that he missed his playtime the next day.
the reason for the post is that it is my understanding that the consequence has to be there and then and dealt with straight away not carried on to the next day. Am I correct?
my son is a very anxious boy and this resulted in my son self harming and not sleeping and me keeping him off the next day.
school are saying that they are in the right and I am being disagreeable!!!
thanks in advance.
Hi there,
You don't say whether your son is diagnosed as autistic - but I'm assuming so from the fact that you're posting here.
If that is the case, then NO - the school is not right, and you are not being disagreeable. In spite of what the other children are saying, the school should be taking a balanced view of the incident, and not simply disbelieving your son. That they are suggests that he might be having other problems, which aren't necessarily his fault - but which is being viewed as such, perhaps because this is long-standing. I'm assuming, too, that this is a mainstream school. If he is diagnosed, doesn't he have a SENCO looking out for things on his behalf? Have you asked about this? Traditional, aversive punishments will not work for your son if he is autistic. They will only make matters worse. It's no surprise, therefore, that he's self-harmed. I hope it isn't too bad. It's a common thing, though - even with high-functioning autism. I work with autistic adults. When their anxiety is high, they will do all manner of things. Bite themselves, slap themselves, hit their heads against something hard... sometimes worse. A whole different approach to managing these issues is needed, and 'mainstream' society often doesn't have appropriate solutions.
I was only diagnosed in my fifties, but all the pointers were there at school. It's just that high-functioning autism wasn't so known about then. The other kids didn't seem to like me, so I was often the scapegoat for things that went wrong. I was bullied by them - and by teachers, too. I was singled out in class. I lived in fear of school, pretty much, from about year 3 until I left at 16. It was a horrible place and a horrible experience. So I can understand where you're coming from.
Take it back to the school... and try to get some professional help on your side. Maybe your GP. Your son needs the help that the school is clearly not providing right now.
Have a look at these links, too, to see if there's anything else that can help you...
Education
Family Life
All the best,
Tom