Struggling with a 3 year old with possible PDA. Abuse from a Woman yesterday, feeling very low

Hello, my name is Marie. I have 2 daughter's, the youngest is Abbie (3) and we know there is something wrong. We have an appointment on the 27th Feb and I hope this is the start of getting some help and understanding and hopefully a diagnosis. After 18 months of research I have discover pathological demand avoidance, the signs and symptoms explain Abbies behaviour perfectly. Life can be extremely difficult, everything you ask of Abbie becomes a drama. Most days getting her to the school to take my eldest daughter is extremely challenging.  Her meltdowns are extraordinary and quite frightening. She had a terrible episode in Sainsbury's yesterday, and after getting her out of the lift she laid on the floor and screamed at the top of her lungs. If I attempt to touch her or even carry her when she's in a state like this she will hit her head on the pavement so I have to be very cautious in my actions. If I do manage to pick her up I can't hold her for long and could drop her. I was dealing with it well, I was calm and felt she may be coming out of it slightly, then this woman appeared and starting having a go at me for allowing my child to be on the floor and making so much noise. She told me that I was doing everything wrong and need to pick her up immediately. I calmly explained that I couldn't do that due to Abbie hurting herself and then this Woman tried to pick Abbie up. I asked her repeatedly to leave me alone to concentrate on my child and that she was making me emotional and to please leave us alone. She went on to tell me that I shouldn't be dragging a small child round the shop and that they get tired and that this behaviour wasn't normal and must be my fault. She proceeded to tell me how she has children and grandchildren so she knows all about it. Eventually she left after I used a few harsher words. I was left on the floor in tears. I can't take much more of the filthy looks and ignorance that I receive, sometimes even from friends and family as well as strangers. I feel so alone and lost. I've never written on a forum before but I really need some support and it doesn't feel like there is any in my world at the moment

  • Welcome Marie, one thing you will get here is lots of identification and lots of loving support, understanding and acceptance. I can’t believe someone from the store didn’t intervene and get the woman out of there. I’ve pledged to always be vigilant when I’m out in public and wherever I see an autistic person struggling in any way, I have committed to doing something about it. I have always done this anyway but pledged it, through a campaign to raise awareness and support people.

    You’ll get the support you all need, hang in there and we are always here for you. There are some groups specifically for parents of children with PDA and it could be really helpful to you if you found a local autism support group for parents. I go to a group once a week and it’s like my salvation and my friend who has two children who are autistic, has her own support group and again, she gets so much from it. It will get better and you can do this. We understand. 

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