4 year old hates trousers'

my son hates wearing trousers finding it ery difficult at the moment especially with the cold winter months he always wants to wear shorts I find I'm always saying to him if he wears them I will reward him running out of things to say , he gets so frustrated and angey most of the time he wants to be naked.

any other tips strategies.

Thanks Lu

  • Yes I’m finding that now he describes his clothes as fluffy if soft and he hates jeans or other trousers so I’m finding I’m shopping for clothes that are soft on his skin as I feel awful if he has to wear trousers he hates if we are out and he has gone through all his trousers due to him setting himself constantly , thanks for your post 

  • I got 28 but I found some of the questions irrelevant. I am also female and have recently found out that the profile may differ for females. If it had asked about my organisational skills or feeling like a round peg in a square hole, I may have got more! Haha!

  • Hello. My son really liked his Spiderman costume at this age. I don’t just think it was because it was Spiderman, although this was one factor, but the material was very soft without itchy labels. I used to have to take it off him when he was asleep to wash it!

  • Hi Lu, 

    I am autistic, and I find some fabrics completely unbearable against my skin. The parts of my body that I can't handle fabric against does vary (sometimes I find having fabric against my stomach really horrible, and other times it is fine) but I always hate having fabric against my legs. As an adult, walking around in my knickers all the time obviously isnt an option! So, I have worked hard to find fabrics and fits of clothing that I find bearable. I have some trousers that are really tight on my legs (labeled 'super skinny', or 'leggings') that are good because they are tight enough that you dont really feel the fabric moving against your skin. I also have some that are looser, soft 'jeans' material and some that are very loose, soft linen. Oh and some tracksuit bottoms as well. In all honesty though, I would much rather walk around with bare legs if it was socially acceptable.

    I used to be a nanny so I appreciate it isn't that easy to have conversations about the fit of clothes or fabrics with a 4 year old, but could you maybe go to a haberdashery/fabric shop, and get some little samples of different fabrics so you can test which ones he likes the feel of and is ok having next to his skin, and which ones he finds unbearable?

    I dont use the word 'unbearable' lightly. I was recently given some PJs as a present and the fabric and cut of them make me feel genuinely sick. They are beautiful PJs, but thinking about them being gathered at the ankle makes me feel physically sick. if it is something you struggle to understand, try imagining hundreds of insects crawling all over your skin, and how unpleasant and uncomfortable that would be. it doesn't physically feel like insects on my skin to me, but the mental discomfort and upset is very similar. And some fabrics can feel very painful. When you think about it like that, it isnt surprising you are struggling to think of rewards persuasive enough for him to keep his trousers on! The people on 'I'm a celebrity, get me out of here' get paid an awful lot of money to feel the discomfort and upset of bugs crawling on them! ;)  

    Also, at home, I much prefer having bare legs and if I get cold, I wrap myself up in a really soft, fluffy blanket (it feels much more bearable than trousers). Could you let him pick out a very soft (easily washable) blanket and let him 'wear' that around the house rather than trousers when he is cold? That way he won't be cold, and it may help him get used to having some fabric next to his skin? When it comes down to it, I'd argue that as a 4 year old it doesn't really matter what he is wearing (conventional clothes, blanket toga, or a combination of the two) as long as he's safe and happy. 

    I hope that's helpful. 

    Best wishes

  • Thanks for your help was interesting to do this . :)

  • Plenty of non-autistic people can have 'autistic' traits, such as noise sensitivity.  20 is quite a low score, so you sound perhaps more like that.

  • Hey , I have done the test I had 20 , very interesting , but I find myself struggling more in life with sounds and particular noises lol my poor husband gets it in the neck lol especially when eating rustling a packet of crisps or even breathing haha, I want to throttle him lol, maybe I'm thinking now my son has got it from me just thinking through my family now and my dad has traits with noises .

  • Here's the test.  Give it a go.  Usually takes less than ten minutes.  Best not to deliberate too long over the answers.  See what you get.  Most NTs will score below 20.  32 and above is usually highly indicative...

    http://aspergerstest.net/aq-test/

    High-functioning actually means not highly autistic.  High-functioning as in people like myself, with Asperger's, who can hold down jobs and manage our lives pretty well - though with struggles in areas that NTs wouldn't have, such as understanding body language and other social communication.

  • great I love books , I will look into that thank you, yes I was wondering if I could take the test sounds interesting, my son did have obsession with hair in his mouth and we was concerned about pica , but since giving up the dummy about 2 months ago his obsession to have it wrapped round the dummy and in his mouth has reduced dramatically as he was calling 'hair ' in a weird way as well, I don't think he is high functioning , I think mild - he can talk has great vocabulary and can be very sociable , when in sociable settings there is a difference he cant cope with shops and lots of people and has complete meltdowns, so we avoid the shops he loves being home and he likes going to friends or families homes as he know what he will get when going there.

    Its so all very interesting as I am new I am learning all these traits that other people deal with every day which I have been dealing with my son so even though its all new its all not so new , if understand what I mean , I have recently been watching a programme which it on bbc1 The A Word about a boy with Autism and it was uncanny some of things he was doing I could relate to my son , but also refreshing to know I am not alone as it can be so lonely sometimes , I only have a my mum and husband, and my mother in law has him once a week for me maybe twice at a push which is a massive difference , he loves going with her to , but at the same time when he see's me picking him up he will have a meltdown as he wants his nan to pick him up as he knows he going for a day f fun with her , which can be heart breaking at times , she so good with him will take him swimming , to a play area , and he associates her with that now , where as when its me he knows I don't always do that . Thanks for replying its great to have someone to talk to about it all .

  • I do experience some sensory issues myself as I notice a lot of similarities , as I don't like touching food , or eating hot food either .

    Autism is inherited, so maybe it comes down your side.  It might be worth investigating by taking the test. Depends on whether you feel you exhibit any other traits.

    Is he going to a mainstream school?  Is he quite high-functioning in other ways?  The chap I'm talking about is highly ritualised in his behaviour patterns.  He can read and write and is able to use a computer, and understand PECS.  But in other ways, he needs 1-1 attention.  He cannot go out alone and is unable to do things like prepare meals.  He objects strongly to whistling or singing by other people, and also has Pica - so we need to be very careful about leaving small inedible objects around.

    Sounds like you've got a few things in place.  The waits can be frustratingly slow!  If you're interested, there's a good book available - written by a mother bringing up a highly autistic son. 'Making Peace With Autism' by Susan Senator.  It says a lot about the rewards as well as the tribulations.  It might offer some comfort, anyway.  It's expensive - but there are used copies for a few pennies on Amazon Marketplace.

  • thank you so much for posting , I am new to all this , haven't spoken to many people at the moment its all pretty new , we are currently being referred to a neurodevelopmental team , wait could be a long time maybe a year , so I'm looking at just doing things by myself . , we have on board health visitor school are aware and awaiting Senco and I have a support team that comes out weekly to support with behaviour all a slow process at the moment , will check this site out looks great , yes we think it might be sensory as other issues have cropped up , such as he doesn't like it when his food is hot , and textures in food such as bits/sticky hands . but other many issues such as meltdowns etc I'm no sure which direction we are taking its so difficult and frustrating , also I do experience some sensory issues myself as I notice a lot of similarities , as I don't like touching food , or eating hot food either .

  • Sorry - just noticed he's 4, so edited my response!

  • Hi Lu,

    I work with a young autistic lad like it.  He's been like it from childhood (he's now 21).  He will only wear t-shirts, jogging bottoms and Crocs or flip-flops.  He refuses to wear socks and any form of underwear.  When going out, he'll put a coat on - but that's as much extra clothing as he'll take.  He's highly autistic and quite challenging.  It seems it's clearly a sensory issue with him - though he doesn't seem to have any aversion to any particular fabrics or textures.  It's just how he is.

    Have you spoken to anyone else about it yet?  Can your GP refer you to any services?

    Take a look here - there might be something to help...

    http://www.autism.org.uk/about/behaviour/obsessions-repetitive-routines.aspx

    Ideally, it would help if he could perhaps see a behaviour therapist.  Depends what the resources are in your area.